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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About these visitors?

117 replies

Movinghouseatlast · 23/08/2019 13:55

Just had some friends to stay. I genuinely don't know if I am.expecting too much as I have never had non family staying for longer than one night before.

So if you went to a friend's house, in a touristy area, for 2 nights and had 2 dinners with drinks before dinner and wine with, 2 breakfasts(croissants, muesli, fruit etc) and one lunch what would you take for the hosts, or maybe buy when you were out and about to say thank you?

OP posts:

Thehop · 23/08/2019 13:55

Would normally feed them as a thank you

missmapp · 23/08/2019 13:57

Normally take wine/ chocs/ flowers and pay for meal when eating out.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2019 13:59

Yeah probably take them out for dinner or at the very least bring wine and chocolates

FinallyHere · 23/08/2019 13:59

Fraid so, one meal out plus take wine/flowers/chocs.

Do not despair, some people instead send flowers and a case of wine after their visit.

LemonAddict · 23/08/2019 13:59

Probably would t take anything but we’d pay for everyone for one of the evening dinners, and probably pay for lunch out both days.

stripystrap · 23/08/2019 14:02

We have a sort of agreement with folks that visit us that we will pay for things when they come to us, and vice versa when we stay with them. I would then usually take some flowers or wine I knew they liked, and maybe some gifts for their kids, and they would do the same. It depends if you're ever likely to be visiting them...

thecatinthetwat · 23/08/2019 14:03

Would pay for drinks and dinner one night. Would probably also take a small gift. Chocs or wine.

Why op, what did you get? A kitkat each?

NameChange84 · 23/08/2019 14:03

I would have taken flowers, chocolates and wine and paid for a meal out.

ghostyslovesheets · 23/08/2019 14:16

I'd take wine - several bottles, chocs/treats and I'd buy at least one meal

CassianAndor · 23/08/2019 14:19

wine/chocs/flowers and would prob offer to buy teas/coffees when out and about.

But whilst that's nice, it's not essential - I wouldn't have had them in my home if I didn't want to spend time with them!

littlepaddypaws · 23/08/2019 14:25

if i didn't like my host i'd taken them to nandos or frankie and bennies can't stand either of them.
otherwise a restaurant of their choice.

Original poster

Movinghouseatlast · 23/08/2019 14:29

I did want to spend time with them! It actually ruined it a bit that we spent about £150 on food and booze and they brought 2 bottles of wine which they didn't want to drink when ours ran out! They drank 4 bottles of wine between them the first evening.

It's not the value, it's the thought. I would have taken a small gift at least and bought more wine. I feel a bit taken for a fool.

OP posts:

CassianAndor · 23/08/2019 14:34

I think you're thinking about it the wrong way - having visitors does cost - don't have them if you don't want to spend that money.

flouncyfanny · 23/08/2019 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PegasusReturns · 23/08/2019 14:44

What do you mean they didn't want to drink theirs?! Did they actually try and stop that happening?!

flouncyfanny · 23/08/2019 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange84 · 23/08/2019 14:47

I’m not saying that it’s my personal belief but there is a poster on MN who says it’s considered insulting and the height of bad etiquette to drink the wine that guests bring. Perhaps they hold this belief too?

Willow2017 · 23/08/2019 15:01

You take wine to give to your host but they arent allowed to drink it?
What fresh hell is this?

NameChange84 · 23/08/2019 15:06

The hell that is MN!

DarlingNikita · 23/08/2019 15:12

there is a poster on MN who says it’s considered insulting and the height of bad etiquette to drink the wine that guests bring.

I think this is a snobbish Hyacinth Bucket thing about how this doesn't work/isn't a good idea because the hosts will have chosen the wine for dinner very carefully. Or something.

Anyway, I usually take a present and always pay for a few things along the way as they arise (petrol, lunches, takeaways, entry to museums…). Although DP and I recently stayed with friends who were annoyed and dismayed (in a nice way!) when we sneakily paid for a lunch out for all of us. They practically held us down the next day at breakfast in a cafe so they could pay, and bought us posh chocolate for the train home. Wrong way round if you ask me, but of course it was lovely of them!

NameChange84 · 23/08/2019 15:17

I think this is a snobbish Hyacinth Bucket thing about how this doesn't work/isn't a good idea because the hosts will have chosen the wine for dinner very carefully. Or something.

Yep that sounds like the posts I remember reading and thinking were ridiculous.

bridgetreilly · 23/08/2019 15:25

You don't have to keep opening bottles of wine! Four bottles (between 2 of them?) on the first night is bonkers. Just stop. And then pick up the wine they brought and say, we'll have that tomorrow night. It'll go perfectly with XXX that I'm cooking.

I do think most of this depends on whether it's a reciprocal arrangement or not. Are you planning to visit and stay with them? If so, a token gift is fine. If it's always one-way, I'd expect them to bring more and next time I would say so.

SilverySurfer · 23/08/2019 16:16

I think this is a snobbish Hyacinth Bucket thing about how this doesn't work/isn't a good idea because the hosts will have chosen the wine for dinner very carefully.

I don't think it's snobbish. If you were serving salmon and had chosen a Pinot Grigio to accompany it, your guest, not knowing the menu may have brought Chateau neuf du Pape which would go better with eg a steak.

I guess if you're not interested in knowing that, take what you want and swill it down your neck.

edwinbear · 23/08/2019 16:19

I'd have taken champagne, possibly gin, (for drinking rather than looking at) and paid for one of the dinners.

pontiouspilates · 23/08/2019 16:25

We usually pay for a meal and then send a crate of wine as a thank you.

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