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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About these visitors?

117 replies

Movinghouseatlast · 23/08/2019 13:55

Just had some friends to stay. I genuinely don't know if I am.expecting too much as I have never had non family staying for longer than one night before.

So if you went to a friend's house, in a touristy area, for 2 nights and had 2 dinners with drinks before dinner and wine with, 2 breakfasts(croissants, muesli, fruit etc) and one lunch what would you take for the hosts, or maybe buy when you were out and about to say thank you?

OP posts:

Aprillygirl · 26/08/2019 10:55

Of course it's relevant. If op didn't live in a popular place for tourists then her visitors wouldn't be there for a free mini break! If she lived in some remote place with nothing to do these people who arent even close friends wouldnt have invited themselves to stay.

Then these people aren't friends, in which case I wouldn't have them stay with me in the first place. What about when I, who happens to live in a nice seaside town, go to visit my friends in a less 'desirable' part of the country, would it be ok for me to accept their hospitality and offer nothing back then?

Willow2017 · 26/08/2019 11:10

Aprillygirl
I would never go and stay with anyone for several days and expect them to pay for everything so in my book it's not ok not to acknowledge their hospitality. It's just common manners to take a gift or pay for a meal.

Aprillygirl · 26/08/2019 11:16

Well exactly Willow2017 that is my point, which is why I don't think the fact that you live in a touristy area should not come into it unless you and your 'friends' don't actually like each other of course, which as it transpires is the case here.

lalaloopyhead · 26/08/2019 11:25

Cheeky gits bringing wine they don't like! Maybe someone had gifted it to them?? I'm not a huge drinker but take enough wine for myself and then an extra bottle
..so when I go to a friend's for the evening I will take 2 bottles.

ChildminderMum · 26/08/2019 11:35

They do sound greedy.

On the other hand, you did choose to cook meals, provide drinks...

If I had not-close friends asking if they could stay in my spare room as they were visiting the area, I wouldn't get in special breakfast stuff or cook dinners and provide lots of alcohol. I'd direct them to toast and cereal in the morning but expect them to feed themselves and eat out.

If I had invited close friends to stay then of course I would cook etc and wouldn't expect anything back as the hospitality is reciprocated when we stay with them.

Yabbers · 26/08/2019 11:45

@Motoko

If she didn't want to host, she should have said no.

AnneElliott · 26/08/2019 14:20

I think your guests were cheeky. We take wine, chocolates and a cake with us and a gift for their daughter. We also pay for a meal in the restaurant and often lunches as well.

Original poster

Movinghouseatlast · 26/08/2019 19:08

As I said I DO like them, well I like the woman who I know through work. But we have never socialised together before. I didn't mind them staying for a free holiday, I expected to cater for them but I also expected a token thank you gift.

There is a huge difference between going to see people because you want to spend time with them and people coming to visit the place and staying with you because they know you. I think it is good manners to take something in both scenarios though!

I would have felt very uncomfortable if they had come to where I live and stayed in a B and B when I have a spare room. However they drank 6 bottles of wine we had bought (we drank similar probably...peer pressure!) over both nights. They also were given him and prosecco

I thought they were very rude as they had a free holiday. A bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates would have showed that they really appreciated what we laid on for them, which we did to be hospitable!

OP posts:

Original poster

Movinghouseatlast · 26/08/2019 19:09

Gin!

OP posts:

MaggieFS · 26/08/2019 19:24

Clutching at straws, but if you don't know them that well, might they have had reason to think it was something you'd like?

I have said to people don't open the bottle I've brought, but only if it's a nice/ special one so I've made clear they should save it for themselves and not share it with us.

Brining something blatantly cheap, consuming that much food and drink and with nothing else by way of thanks is pure CF.

Perhaps something will arrive in the post...

Original poster

Movinghouseatlast · 26/08/2019 19:27

No, sadly it was from Aldi, £4.99. They told us!

OP posts:

Zucker · 26/08/2019 23:02

Why would you turn your house into a hotel with full dinner bed and breakfast service for people you aren't even friends with? It must have cost a fortune. How and why would they assume you could afford this?

They asked for a free place to holiday in so I would have taken that as they literally wanted a base to holiday from. How did it go from that to you providing an all inclusive 5 star holiday?

Durgasarrow · 27/08/2019 05:34

I think it is lovely you let them stay. You certainly didn't have to cook them dinner as well!

Original poster

Movinghouseatlast · 02/09/2019 10:39

Zucker, I think it would have been rude of me to ask them to stay and not provide food because I am a good host! It did cost a lot as they drank so much without bringing wine they were willing to drink.

I have still not had a thank you of any description.

It's unlikely I will see them again as we live so far away and as I said we were work colleagues (though haven't worked together for over a year) not friends as such.

For everyone who paints this as me being mean to a friend, it is not like when I have friends over who I want to see because we are close and want to see each other! But just because I want a thank you doesn't mean I don't like her!

OP posts:

AngelApples · 02/09/2019 10:41

We just had this. Our friends brought a very nice bottle of champagne, a rose bush and paid for a family activity that we all did with the kids. In return, we obviously catered for them and I also bought a meal out at a local nice pub for everyone

Motoko · 02/09/2019 11:27

But you didn't ask them to stay! You said they invited themselves. Agreeing to allow them to stay, when they've invited themselves, is not the same as inviting them yourself. You don't have to provide meals (I would offer breakfast, toast and/or cereal).

Outlookmainlyfair · 02/09/2019 12:47

I think the attitude of guests is as important as anything- I get fed up of ones who want to be waited on hand and foot.
With those guests I would have made a point and given them back their wine, agreeing with them that it was not to your rate either.

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