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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:
littlemeitslyn · 01/09/2019 13:54

50 years later and I still remember ☹️

DustyMaiden · 01/09/2019 14:01

It can be indescribably unbelievably horrendous. It can be tolerable. it can be good. It’s a lottery.

coffeeforone · 02/09/2019 18:53

I hope the OP comes back to update us. Wasn't she due to be induced today?

WhoLetTheFrogsOut · 02/09/2019 18:56

Kidney stones are supposed to be more painful I believe.

LifeIsToughMate · 02/09/2019 18:59

I hope the OP comes back to update us. Wasn't she due to be induced today?

Oooooooo good luck OP. I can’t wait for an update. I don’t reckon it will happen anytime before two weeks or so after she gets the hang of mum life. And some people don’t like discussing their labour until they processed everything.

But I selfishly can’t wait because I’m due soon and would love to know expectations vs reality!

sympatico1 · 02/09/2019 19:37

In my opinion, there is a consipacy when Mums speak to ladies who are pregnant for the first time - they talk it down, (do it myself) so as not to scare them. But, as you did ask, I'm sorry to say, (in my case, and I know everyone is different), the pain was excrutiating, very similar to when you stub your toe on a chair leg, or you get hit on the shin and hurts so much that you can't breath or speak and feel sick; but that pain only lasts for 5 seconds (unlike labour, which lasts much longer and eventually feels constant!). I had no pain relief at all with my second birth (was too late for pethidine and didn't like gas and air) so of course it would be painful - so my advice is: have all the medication you can!!! Wish I could have!!

Flamingnora123 · 02/09/2019 19:41

Some are easy, I know a couple of people who have had 2 each and claim they, "didn't really hurt." Unfortunately for me mine were pretty bad. First one went tits up after days of back to back labour, 5 hours pushing, baby got stuck and I ended up in theatre. Funnily enough that one was probably the least painful. 2nd one I was induced twice and it was fairly horrendous but I totally tripped out on the gas and air, genuinely thought I'd met God, travelled in time, had a border collie in the room... So that was OK. Number 3 was actual hell. I was induced 4 times over 3 days and dear god, I'm tough, but I honestly believe the pain would have killed me if I hadn't been in labour. I was so convinced I was going to be rushed to theatre and was going to die with a shattered back and pelvis. The only way to imagine it is to think of having your back smashed with a sledgehammer with no let up, and your pelvis sawn through whilst trying to shit out a watermelon. But then, there he was all slimey and perfect and I shook for a good half hour but it was fine.
I probably shouldn't tell you that, but you did ask. Also, if they induce you and it doesn't work I would advise anyone to go for a c-section. I was an idiot and wanted to keep going with the inductions. DO. NOT. DO. THAT. If the baby doesn't want to come out yet, it's not ready and more importantly - your body is not ready and it fucking hurts.

Be prepared for a lot of hands up your jeffrey. And I mean a lot of different hands, a lot of different times. There will be blood and probably shit. It is not glamorous. I think this is what shocked me most, and nobody talks about how gross it all is.

Flamingnora123 · 02/09/2019 19:44

Oh and be prepared for the stitches, they whack your feet in stirrups and get right in there, there's always been at least two chaterring away in there for me. You won't care though.

faceorembrace · 02/09/2019 19:46

I thought you were talking about Jeremy Corbyn - so glad I read to the end of your post before having a rant!

Smotheroffive · 02/09/2019 19:54

I do care about any one having their hands ne5ae my jeffrey !!

Noone did without asking first, and explaining why, or what they felt was needed, and I decided. Thank you.

bobstersmum · 02/09/2019 20:02

Well, in my experience, when it gets unbearable it usually means the baby is nearly here so all you have to do then is what feels like shitting a basketball. Which sounds bad, but after the pains you've just been having it's a walk in the park. And I had 2nd degree tear 3 times as well. I have very fast labour's so it's bearable. I wouldn't fancy being one of those poor women that have to suffer for hours on end because that must be nasty. I hope you haven't jinxed yourself op being so flippant, you might be in for a really crappy labour now!

MrsNotNice · 02/09/2019 20:05

I’m pretty sure my midwife was forcing her hand inside me without any consent as I was screaming that I don’t want because I was pushing. I didn’t realise this wasnt meant to happen as it felt extremely violating.

I just assumed that because I was almost unable to talk that she didn’t have a professional obligation to take me seriously. But I remember I was on my fours and she was forcing me on my back to examine me and my husband stuck up for me and flipped me back on my fours. It was a muscling game.

Glad to know that’s not how it usually happens so I can request this doesn’t happen again

gilliansgardenbench · 02/09/2019 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsNotNice · 02/09/2019 20:15

On the plus side I felt so vulnerable and violated that I hailed DH as my hero for this very event because all I can remember is him saving me from an unwanted examination while DS head was coming out and I was in massive tears asking not to be touched

gilliansgardenbench · 02/09/2019 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazandduck · 02/09/2019 22:10

Honestly @KetoWithIF my DD’s birth was a straightforward delivery, short for my first one, and I am now pregnant with number two and every night I lie awake with a racing heart reliving it and thinking I cannot actually cope with that pain again. It is unlike anything I’ve ever known. I’ve had my jaw broken, I thought I couldn’t know worse pain than that. Labour is a million times worse.

Smotheroffive · 02/09/2019 22:12

Mrsnotnice. So sorry, that sounds feankly fucking appalling, and a violation. Flowers

I think this happens a lot to women in labor though. Things like this happen a lot to anyone vulnerable, as in, violating personal boundaries,but this in particular is serious assault.

Fruitbatdancer · 02/09/2019 22:14

Another one about to say YABU as Corbyn is a knob.
But now I know you mean THAT labour I’m totally onboard!

Smotheroffive · 02/09/2019 22:15

Despite aggressive labours, lengthy too, I have been in a lot more pain with other things! Probably felt iller and more poleaxed by periods tbh, certainly periods drained me more than labours, when I felt invigorated after, and on a high with new baby!!

gilliansgardenbench · 03/09/2019 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoraSurf · 03/09/2019 00:55

I gave birth last month following induction at 40+12.
Once the first pessary was inserted, I felt period pains an hour later. Within half an hour from the initial uncomfort, the pain became stronger. I worried as this was only 2 hours from pessary insertion and the midwife said it was prostin pains (not contractions) and they likely wouldn't be doing anything in terms of progressing towards labour. An hour later, I was having severe pain every 2/3 minutes. The midwife didn't believe me until I was put on the monitor to check baby's heart rate. They noticed I was contracting constantly, with another contraction starting before the previous had finished. It was absolute agony (and I consider myself to have a high pain threshold).
They then gave me an injection to slow my contractions. The pushing baby out was nowhere near as bad as initial contractions. I got to 6cm dilated with no pain relief but had Gas and air from then on.
Prior to gas and air, it was horrendous pain, thereon it was actually ok. I didn't even feel the second degree tear as I was so caught up in the adrenaline of labour.

It's not as bad as people make out, but it's pain like no other and the adrenaline balances it out IMO.
Good luck OP

zxcvhjkl · 03/09/2019 01:22

It hurts. It's confusing and emotional. There is also goo, poo, unknown liquids, screaming, sweating and the total loss of dignity as a myriad of medical professionals look at your lady areas.

But you get a baby.

Swings and roundabouts OP swings and roundabouts.

HabbyHadno · 03/09/2019 01:34

Totally thought you meant the Labour Party when I clicked on the link Grin

hazandduck · 03/09/2019 02:08

Thank you @KetoWithIF my midwife said the same! Second labour will be shorter..! I’m debating a home birth but at the same time yes I want drugs, all the god damn drugs 🤣 x

Time40 · 03/09/2019 04:43

I thought this would be about Jeremy Corbyn! Grin