Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

802 replies

Bumpingbumping · 23/08/2019 13:15

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

OP posts:
Raaaaaah · 30/08/2019 21:16

Just to counter your point Bottomley you would do everything you could to prevent someone dying in that much pain. It’s certainly not a death you would aspire to. Just because someone has to endure a painful death it doesn’t diminish the absolute terror, pain and damage some women experience in labour.
You just can’t relate the two just as you can’t relate two labours.

My first birth was horrific, the second was a breeze and for the third I had an epidural. It was a joy but I still felt like a bit of a looser for having an epidural. There is definitely a shadow of bravado that surrounds birth and I think it is really unhelpful.

ThePolishWombat · 30/08/2019 21:20

Can I ask why everyone doesn't request an epidural when they are so great?

For me there were various reasons:

  1. I don’t relish the idea of anything being injected anywhere near my spine. The thought just makes me feel a bit queasy!
  2. My mum had a failed epidural nearly 30 years ago and has suffered pain in the site ever since.
  3. The increased risk of intervention that comes along with an epidural.

And the main reason:
The last place I ever want to give birth is in a hospital, and an anaesthetist and an epidural aren’t available at home!

Aroundnabout1 · 30/08/2019 21:38

Sadie789: "It does grate a little with me when [some] women make a song and dance out of labour.

Thing is, it’s gradual. It doesn’t just strike you down out of nowhere with eyeball popping pain. It builds up slowly over time and each contraction that you get through you know you can do it, and you know the next one will be similar but one notch up".

I was induced and it does not build up gradually. The midwife said it hits you "like a tonne of bricks" if u are induced, and it did with me. I didn't make a song and a dance, I just asked for an epidural.

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/08/2019 22:56

I was induced and DD was back to back.

Fortunately I was asked if I wanted an epidural .

They were putting the epidural in when the pain hit.

I thought it was more akin to being badly injured in a car crash rather than b

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/08/2019 23:00

Bad period pains .

Friend who was scared of everything sailed through her births with little more than an aspirin

Everyone is different.

Do agree I would go through 100 births that the pregnancy part.

Hmmmbop · 30/08/2019 23:23

Sadie789 it might have been gradual for you, but can you not respect that other people's experiences may be different? Mine didn't build, I didn't get respite between contractions. I had 21 hours of full on contractions with no let up in between. They started off intense, close together and painful and didn't change.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 30/08/2019 23:32

Thing is, it’s gradual. It doesn’t just strike you down out of nowhere with eyeball popping pain. It builds up slowly over time and each contraction that you get through you know you can do it, and you know the next one will be similar but one notch up.

My first wasn't gradual at all. The first contraction hurt as much as the last (spontanous labour for the first contraction/drip turned up to full for the last). In comparison to my labour pains, my emergency section physical recovery was literally a walk in the park. No need for pain killers, up and dressed really quickly and I felt fine.

Quartz2208 · 30/08/2019 23:44

Yep agreed yours may have been gradual but that doesn’t mean all our. Mine was mercifully quick but I went from 1cm to pushing in 1.5 hours with no pain relief. It was one constant contraction. It stopped when he was born so actually until the end I never got through anything. I remember thinking that I literally could not do it. So yes it did strike out of nowhere with eyeball popping pain. If it helps the midwives didn’t believe that either and that I wasn’t it labour because it should be gradual

Hmmmbop 21 hours sounds awful

Youngandfree · 30/08/2019 23:46

Well...if I’m being honest I can root of my first birth quoting lines like “I can’t see the big deal” “it was no bother at all!why do ppl make such a fuss?!” And I had no epidural.

Then I had my second....🤣🤣🤣 it was not as pleasant AT ALL!

Best of luck OP!!

Quartz2208 · 30/08/2019 23:47

But actually the trauma for me wasn’t from the pain it was from not being believed or supported. I literally had to act like a crazy woman to get taken seriously and to the delivery suite and checked. 10 mins later it all kicked off as DS was massively in distress legs but in stirrups and him pulled out via ventouse leaving a 3 inch internal rip where they pulled him out.

Mine is from what could have happened to him and me had I not

Trebla · 31/08/2019 04:31

Managed all of mine with minimal gas and air and the last having shoulder dystonia. I actually like giving birth.

Trebla · 31/08/2019 04:31

Dystocia flipping auto correct

Trooperslaneagain · 31/08/2019 04:38

Everyone has a different experience but I was induced, had waters broken and a very fast 45 minute active labour.

At 11 weeks pregnant I had an ovarian cyst that burst, or a torsion (never found out which) and the consultant told me labour would be a breeze in comparison.

She was right. I had a shot of morphine at 12pm, only gas and air during active labour and SD was born 4 hours later.

IMO - your body takes over and you’re a passenger - it’s happening. Let your body do the work and try not to think about it. Easier said than done, I know.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 31/08/2019 05:01

Yikes, reading these I am heartily glad I had a section. I was abroad so it was my choice and even though the section wasn't a breeze (felt pain and had to be sedated) it was only 45 mins in theatre and all done. Recovery hurts but nothing like labour to judge from the below. Best of all, no damage to my vagina or god forbid, anal region. I think any woman who chooses a vaginal birth is brave.

PapayaCoconut · 31/08/2019 05:11

Every birth is different. I only have one piece of advice for you. If you're being induced... Take the epidural!!!

PapayaCoconut · 31/08/2019 05:12

Mine didn't build, I didn't get respite between contractions.

My first was like that as well.

Summer2019NewMummy · 31/08/2019 05:19

For me, early labour was horrible. It went on for 17 hours. From 1 to 3cm.
Then suddenly things progressed. Active labour, transitioning and second stage all in less than 2 hours. I found this pain easier than the early labour pains/contractions.
Plus totally worth it!

Jesaminecollins · 31/08/2019 05:36

I was lucky both my labours were straight forward - my poor daughter was in labour for 4 days and ending up having forceps.

Winterlife · 31/08/2019 05:42

It is the most pain I’ve ever felt and I have a very high threshold for pain. But you dismiss it when you see the baby.

I had an epidural with my third and labour was a breeze, even though I had to have a c-section.

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/08/2019 06:16

My first started at 1am on the Tuesday and dd was born at 8am the following Thursday. 55 hours in labour.
No gradual increase in pain. Just felt like my stomach was being ripped open whilst my pelvis was being crushed. I couldn't have been further from wanting to push.

Once the epidural went in I felt I could enjoy the birth process. I certainly couldn't have managed 55hours with that pain

I opted for a planned cesarean for ds

borntobequiet · 31/08/2019 06:29

My first was 12 hours, far more painful than I expected (I’d subscribed to the “how can it be that bad, it’s natural” fallacy) but I managed on gas and air. My second was back to back and 30 hours and so painful I really thought I and the baby were going to die.
My maternal grandmother died in the 1920s giving birth to twins. She had a placenta praevia. Of course in those days it wasn’t detected beforehand. It’s something I can’t let myself dwell on as the thought of it is so horrendous.

Xyzzzzz · 31/08/2019 06:30

I was induced due to gestational diabetes at 39 weeks. I had major anxiety about giving birth beforehand. Unfortunately it was as bad as I personally thought.

I was already 2cm dialated before having the pessary applied mid morning. The midwife gave me a stretch and sweep and said I should expect to give birth that evening.

I was in constant pain and my waters broke after half hour of pessary. Monitoring complications aside. Pain was constant. What I didn’t know was that these were contractions. I only knew it didn’t feel right and the midwife didn’t believe me until I told her I had the urge to push. At that point she checked me again and was very apologetic I was now 9cm dilated. after 18 mins of pushing my baby was born. I had no pain relief, needed stitches cause I was cut and also had clots. Almost needed a blood transfusion cause of the blood loss.

I gave birth 4 weeks ago. Looking at my baby yes I love her but I wouldn’t want to go through that again.

It’s all dependent on individual pain thresholds and experiences. Some ladies sail through pregnancy and labour. Others do not.

UnchangedFaces321 · 31/08/2019 07:03

I'll let you have your uneducated opinion.
Come back in 10 days when you've had your baby, and tell us how you feel about it then.

Youngandfree · 31/08/2019 07:17

@PapayaCoconut although that is not always an option. My hospital didn’t offer epidurals when I had my two. Shock And my youngest is only 4.

ZenNudist · 31/08/2019 07:21

I voted YABU. But i could have done it again in a heart beat after home birth with with ds2.

Needed 3 year gap before I could face it again after ds1. Its pretty much a big shock how much pain you can be in. But I laboured at home until transition with no drugs then nearly gave birth in the car.