To think labour can’t be THAT bad?

[Bumpingbumping]

Potentially being extremely naive, and of course this is excluding exceptional circumstances/emergency situations.

But aibu to think labour can’t be as horrific as people make out? I’ll be giving birth in 10 days time following an induction and everybody keeps asking me if I’m terrified and telling me how awful it will be.

Surely if it was THAT bad people just wouldn’t do it? Or would opt for a c section?

Again, feel free to hit me with the facts because I’m possibly being naive. But does anyone have any nice birth stories? Particularly following an induction?

Should have said the hospital kept telling me to stay at home! Eventually I took matters into my own hands and said fuck that I'm coming in!

come back and let us know good luck

I enjoyed both my labours- high on gas and air and a cute baby at the end so I had a great time! Child rearing otoh...

Yes please do come back and let us know how it was lol

It hurts and will probably be the worst pain you will ever feel (I'm being honest) but somehow your mind plays tricks on you and represses it all. My first child was born back to back, she wasn't turned so harder to get out, second I had hyperstimulation so one long constraction for 6 hours, that was tough. They were pretty straight forward births though.

I remember the second time once it got going I said to my husband "oh god the memories of last time are coming back to me". I'd probably say it wasn't that bad if I'd only had 1 but I know it hurt given what I said the second time, plus I got my husband to video a contraction in hospital (doesn't look fun!). I can't exactly remember the pain though. We are going to start trying for our 3rd in January so despite knowing how much it hurts I'm willing to do it again. So it can't be that bad! I never felt scared the second time so I think that says a lot. I'm excited about doing it a 3rd time bizarrely!

Oh shit op.....

With my last pregnancy the placenta did not detatch. I was red lighted by 9 or 10 staff to surgery and lost about 900ml of blood and on iron tabs for three months. Also suffered from severe post natal issues and was sectioned for about 2 weeks. Then I had ptsd.

I survived thankfully but labour can be a bitch and set off a chain reaction.

With my second ds I was induced at 14 days over after having labour pains and gunk for two weeks. The baby didn't want to come out but my body was desperately trying to get him out.
Then the baby was born in the liquid sack and took a bit to breathe on his own after the midwife broke it.

Op birthing babies is a complicated bitch.

Oh with first dd I puked after she was born. My waters burst the day before I went into labour during a damn snow storm and getting to and from the hospital twice was a bitch. Dp nearly crashed the car

@ThePolishWombat some hospitals don’t offer epidurals as pain relief....mind didn’t!

Neither of my labours were terribly bad. I think it helps to have relatively realistic expectations- if you go in thinking you have some special ability to defeat all the pain and give birth easily, you'll be shocked. If you go in thinking it'll be painful and messy, but the medical staff know what they're doing, and you follow their advice, you're in a better position. Obviously things can go wrong, but that's relatively unlikely.

Also, take all the drugs they offer if you want to. There's no heroism in doing it without.

@Youngandfree that’s interesting!!
But still....a hospital is my last choice for birth setting. I’ve done it once in a hospital, and never ever again unless I was literally dying. Had the next one at home and the experience was a million times better, and labour easier to cope with!

Labour is horrific, the worst pain I have ever experienced - but the love for your baby is stronger - simples.

For me it was an 18 hour labour after an induction as baby was 10 days late and the pain was so bad I vomited, an episiotomy on my foof (and it is a mark of how much pain I was already in that I was okay with them cutting my vag to get the baby out) and then subsequent sewing up of the nether regions afterwards. I couldn't sit down for literally a week because my under carriage swelled up to three times it's usual size as it healed up - my parents bought me a rubber ring to sit on and I couldn't even sit on that. However, I had my beautiful daughter and she was worth the pain.

My friend had two births where she was in agony and pushing for hours and the babies got stuck both times and ended up in an emergency C-section. However I have another friend whose second baby shot out about 20 mins after she arrived at hospital. Different for everybody.

It's very painful indeed but it is a productive pain and therefore not just distressing, like other types of pain. Try not to feel it has to go a certain way and try to trust your midwife who will understand what you are going through. Your partner will not so don't feel this shows a shortcoming in your relationship. Women kind of stick together in a weirdly ancient mammal kind of way around labour. And...a person comes out of you and is an individual from the second they are born and that is fucking amazing and nothing will ever amaze and delight you as much. You will be ok OP... and as previous posters said, if it was not worth it, all babies would be only children. I was pregnant again, planned, within 8 months and my annoying entitled spoilt brat daughters are absolutely the apple of my eye, although god parenting is tough, and again it is important to get support love and companionship from the other harrassed exhausted mums all the way through.

My first baby was an induction, the contractions were excruciating with no breaks in between - think the scene from alien, no gas and air because the midwives didn't believe me when I sa8d I was in labour, I wasn't allowed to move because I was being monitored and I was on my own because again- they didn't listen to me to contact my birthing partner. My second was an emergency c-section (no labour, just rushed in by ambulance to have my baby there and then). I would 1000000000000000% opt for labour and vaginal birth every time if I could. You are being unreasonable because you have no right to dictate what another woman has gone through, her labour is not yours, to suggest it can't be that bad and that if it was you'd opt for a c-section is not only very naive but also very dismissive of anyone who has gone through a bad labour or had a c-section. However that is not to say that will be your experience, you may have a wonderful labour and need very little to no pain relief and feel perfectly safe and supported. But yes, labour really can be that bad.

Enjoy 😂😂😂😂😂

Labour is very varied and can be difficult if the baby is lying in th wring position. However, there is a culture of regaling other women with horror stories. The one thing this does is create fear, and fear is your enemy.
Trust your body, work with it not against it. If you are having a baby who is lying in a good position there is no reason you can't have a wonderful experience. Keep an open mind about what pain relief you want. This will be your experience, yours and no one else. Trust your midwives and doctors to look after you. It is wrong for women to spoil things for others about to give birth. I have had 4 and each experience was different, some not so easy as others, but all miraculous

I'd really like an update from the OP

@Confusedbeetle I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've said. I don't know why people take pleasure in scaring someone who will be giving birth soon. I had a friend of mine in tears one day because her work colleagues had all told her in great detail about their horrible experiences. She was so frightened. Sure, some people have awful experiences, but plenty don't. And while luck plays a huge part, there absolutely are things you can do to prepare and maximise your chance of having a good experience.

I had an induction with my first followed by hours and hours of pain. I was begging dh to make it stop. Baby was back to back but they tried forceps and ventouse to try and get her out, ended up with a emcs. Dh said I looked like a ghost afterwards.
Next one was breech so I had a planned cs that seemed so easy compared to my first.
Like everyone has said all births are different. I wish you an easy and speedy one op😊

I remember most of the pain during my labours and an awful c section. My youngest was a surprise as I felt I could never do it again. I kept being reassured that it wouldn’t be so bad again but it was even worse. Now I have another surprise on the way and my anxiety is through the roof. I am terrified. It was so bad last time that I wish I could turn the clock back right now but I know I can’t. I have a high pain threshold but the thought of going through another traumatic labour has me in tears at the thought.
You think it’s not that bad now, but wait ‘til you’re there and in agony and do let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Any update op?

I have what are called aggressive labours, so there was no run up to it where your endorphins build gradually to counteract pain. There's literally no mistaking labour has started as you go straight into fast and frequent massive contractions which immobilise you completely. No talking!

However, I wouldn't call it 'horrific', but I did vote yabu because I dont think anyone can legitimately say labour cant be THAT bad because I thinknit can be.

Although mine are aggressive, I would just call them intense and hard work. My mind was wholly focussed on labouring, nothing else.

All pain leaves once pushing starts, and the crowing feels like chinese burns (which I practiced to help myself prepare!).

Its in and out of pain aswell. So a 20 hour labour is not 20 hours of pain, just intermittent pain, and even then it rises for a count of 10, to a peak and subsides.

For me, contractions would leave me uncontrollably shaking after, or between them, but that was down to the intensity not the pain.

I did recognise the white hot description of searing back pain in a back to back labour.

The worst bit for me was the rip at the end

I also avoided stitching and was always straight back up on my feet feeling on top of the world.

You hear the worst stories, all the regular ones seem a bit humdrum and dont get talked about so much I guess.

Best bit, and I get excited for labour, meeting baby!!

Disclaimer: probably forgotten a lot!

The fear pp mentioned, yes, get great staff around you to lean on.

OP due now, hoping for her thoughts on it and hoping its gone well for both.

It's really not that bad. Honestly.

I was induced and sat in the induction suite drinking hot chocolate with no pain relief. It was uncomfortable but I didn't ask for anything because I honestly thought "it wasn't that bad, so I'm probably only about 3cm dilated, I'll save the pain relief for when it REALLY hurts"

Ten minutes later I needed to poo. Turns out it wasn't a poo, it was my daughter. She was out in 3 pushes and I was home stitch free 4 hours later.

I went into my first labour thinking it can't be that bad and that everyone was being a bit over the top about how bad it was. Oh how naive I was I must have asked the midwife about 15 times if I was dying because I sure felt like I was! I had a relatively straightforward labour but it was long. I found it horrific. The pain was unbelievable and like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I tore badly. Healing took forever and I never felt quite the same afterwards (baby is now a teenager).

My second Labour was also awful but because baby was back to back and I went from 2 cm to delivering baby in about an hour so my contractions were constant with no break. But I recovered easier from that labour.

So I had two awful but very different labours but I still decided to have a third . My third was by far my best and easiest labour, I tore a little and only needed a few stitches. I wasn't a long labour but not too fast like dc2 so I had time to get used to the pain and had tiny breaks between contractions.

A friend gave birth a week before me on my third and she had what she said was a great labour. She didn't think it was too bad at all. So I think some people can have 'nice easy' labours but that seems very few and far between.

So don't be like me and go into your first labour naive be prepared for it to be awful and feel like you're dying and anything better is a bonus 😂

Yes Fleetwoodmac yours wasn’t too bad but many on here have had completely different experiences so to say
‘It’s not that bad, honestly’ implies easy, quick births are the norm. The OP may get a quick, not very painful birth and I hope she does. She may also get one that we we have seen described on here which didn’t go so well.

I think you need an open mind. I didn’t hear the horror stories. My friend said ‘oh you won’t need any drugs it’s fine’ NCT classes shoved natural birth and no epidural down our throats. If I could go back and do it again I would have had the epidural, I ended up with forceps and an epsiotomy anyway after 40 hours. With the epidural I may have got some rest and had the energy for 3 hours of pushing who knows.

I don’t think anyone can say ‘oh labour isn't that bad’ For YOU it wasn’t.