Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

I'm just outside Manchester and I've never heard of the lights on thing, but then my car has the lights on all the time as do lots of newer models. How would that work then? To those still saying she should have waited, how would she know when the last car had gone past?

there's general a police escort who will block the road so you can't go until the procession has finished. I know it's annoying sometimes

Would be more than annoying if you were ferrying a sick child to A&E!

Many posters have said "Oh, but they're grieving" etc - that doesn't mean that there aren't other road users who aren't equally upset for whatever reason, and in a hurry to get somewhere, too.

Everybody on the road isn't just there to get home and have a cuppa.

@WillLokireturn
You keep saying the OP should have been more observant and now has tips on how to be more observant in future. You also say that you are observant.

Having allowed ten cars out already and then observed a woman wearing a bright pink top in a car with no obvious “funeral procession” markers eg flags or daytime lights, how would you have judged that the car was part of the procession? How should OP have judged that? How should they judge it in future?

Don’t worry. It clearly wasn’t obvious the woman who shouted at you was part of the funeral party. How would you have known if they were in their normal car? She could have just been somebody about going their daily business who got caught up behind the funeral cars! You were great to let so many cars out!

@ElizaDee

Being rude to people who didn’t know that family members will follow in their own cars may have not lived here long or may be from different cultures. There are polite ways of sharing this sort of information. I’m sure you don’t know everything there is no know about all sorts of etiquette.

*there's general a police escort who will block the road so you can't go until the procession has finished. I know it's annoying sometimes

Bullshit. Unless you’re a celeb

Actually I can’t believe the utter bollocks being uttered on this thread. Funeral processions have a police escort/the right to break the Highway Code/the right to go through red traffic lights. I wonder do people think that emergency vehicles should give way to them as well?

Thankyou to
@SunshineCake
@RainbowAlicorn
@ilovesooty
@beachysandy81
@ElizaDee
@Durgasarrow
@IHateUncleJamie
@KatherineJaneway
@irregularegular
@PurpleDaisies
@LucyLeak

All very respectful PPs and understanding, that's been a lovely discussion.

It's pretty obvious who is in the funeral procession as they have flags on the cars, their lights on or you can just tell from their clothes.

I have literally never seen, or been a part of, a funeral procession of cars that had flags!

It’s crazy isn’t it NoCauseRebel?

Interesting that nobody spouting these claims can link to a credible source backing them up.

Also wasn't offered a police escort for either of my parents funerals. Should I complain do you think??

I would have let all the cars coming out of the side road go through. Even if they had tagged on it would have been polite just in case they were in the funeral party. It can be very stressful driving in a funeral cortège, you could be in an area you don't know, having to keep sight of cousin jims car to show you the way.

Yes they might have split up at traffic lights etc, but at least you would have done your bit to make someone's rough day a bit smoother.

And as for the shouting back people ..... Wow, you are really showing your true colours aren't you. I can remember in my youth people standing at the side of the street would show respect for a funeral cortège, men used to take their hats off as a funeral passed. Some people's standards have really sunk to the lowest common denominator of basic manners.

Tbh all this bollocks being shouted only goes further to show funeral goers up as being entitled twats. Which I’m sure most aren’t.

But can you imagine if any of it were true? Given there are generally several funerals in most towns on any given day, the roads would be a constant stream of chaos with all these corteges jumping red lights with their police escorts. Crime would be rife because the police would all be out escorting the funeral corteges. .

Seriously people need to apply some logic when making up this bullshit.

Nobody has the right to be rude and it was obviously a misunderstanding on your part OP and not you being rude or disrespectful. There are a lot of disrespectful comments on this thread though which is very sad. One if my strongest memories from my Grans funeral is of an eldery gentleman walking along who stopped and doffed his cap as the funeral cortege went past. He didn't know my gran, we didn't know him but that one act stands out of a day that went by in a blur of emotions.

Anyone in a funeral procession that thinks they have the right to go thru a red light is possibly going to be going to another funeral very soon!!!!

Horizontally!

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, maybe grieving, maybe a horrible person, who knows. You tried to do a nice thing and got it wrong - there’s no obvious way to know where the funeral cars end since a lot of people now don’t wear black and are in normal cars.

I actually did something FAR worse as a teenager and still feel embarrassed and ashamed now. Our walk home from school was an awkward one in a certain area - on one side of the road there was no path, then the path started on the approach to a bridge, and on the other side of that bridge was a busy roundabout. We had to cross right on the top of the bridge to be able to see in both directions. The closest road leading to the roundabout was somewhat hidden behind an industrial building and traffic came around very fast, so we tended to cross the road in two halves to make it easier. This meant we were basically standing in the middle of the road... a funeral car came up the road one day and we were there in the middle of the road. My two friends obviously hadn’t clocked what sort of car it was, so started trying to cross, as cars often slowed down and allowed us to cross. I pulled them back but the funeral car slowed right down and the man indicated to us to cross... perhaps it was less weird for us not to be standing in the middle of the road, I don’t know. Felt really bloody awful and a lady in the car wound the window down and started shouting at us. My friends were silent and I apologised for all of us and said we hadn’t realised, so sorry. Then she shouted that I should engage my brain in future before being such a fucking cunt. And for some inexplicable reason I said “well there’s no need for that sort of language”. And she completely blew up at me. Another person in the car leaned across and just slowly wound the window up. Why the hell did I say that?! It haunted me for years. I used to worry that I’d bump into her out and about or end up working with her and everybody would know what I’d done. I really should have just let her say it since she was grieving. I was very much a sheltered , goody two shoes kind of teenager. My friends and I didn’t swear so it surprised and upset me. But it wasn’t about me... don’t know why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut. I imagine being told off by a teenager who has just been disrespectful while you’re on the way to a close family member’s funeral made the whole thing a lot more difficult

So at least you didn’t do that!

"who stopped and doffed his cap"

It's standard to stop when a funeral cortege passes though isn't it?

Damn phone! "right" not "tight" and unpleasant has a t on the end!

Anyway, @Pinklady1982
You didn't mean to. As I said have something to help you feel peaceful again, cake chocolate or cup of tea, don't give it anymore thought about coulda/shoulda. She reacted strongly because she was grieving.

You have listenned and understood that the lady may be been very distressed and thought you'd realised or done it intentionally which you hadn't. And PPs have given you some more tips & different perspective that you've heard, which should help in future if it ever occurs again. Hopefully it won't.

@Spinzy grieving or not, no one is entitled to call you a cunt! Don’t be so submissive.

But Spinzy you apologised and were in no way impolite! Her foul language was completely inappropriate and as others have said, greiving doesnt give you a free pass to be rude, especially to a child! What a nasty person she was to speak to you like that!

People get tickets just for moving their cars over the line at traffic lights when they are trying to let an ambulance through, and these have been enforced in courts, no mitigation allowed.

So, given it's not a life threatening emergency, I'm pretty sure jumping a red light to keep up with a hearse will be even more likely to attract a ticket.

I've also just searched through the entire highway code and found no mention of funerals. So any 'rules' mentioned here are not legal.

That said, I'm respectful when it's possible, and safe to do so. But I am getting a little worried that people might be unsafe on the road due to following these rules.

I've heard (though don't know how universal this is) that one way to tell if an 'ordinary' car is part of the procession is if it has its lights on: some people put their lights on in daylight to follow the hearse.

Lots of modern cars have permanent running lights so I don’t think that can apply these days. My car has headlights on all the time...

I'm sorry you were shouted out OP. It's upsetting when you've tried to do the right thing and someone is rude to you for not knowing something you simply couldn't have known.

Sadly I've been to many funerals in my time. All of them in England, but across the country. I've been in the black cars as a close family member (as daughter, grand-daughter, daughter-in-law, cousin, niece); been in the cars behind ( as cousin, niece); and turned up at church/chapel/crem under my own steam for the funerals of more distant family members, friends, neighbours and colleagues. I've never seen or heard of cars following the hearse having lights on, or having flags.

I'm clearly not saying it doesn't happen in some places but IME and going by a number of replies to this thread it's not a universally established tradition. It is something that I will now look out for. Those of you who are so quick to castigate others for their supposedly poor funeral etiquette would no doubt have enjoyed being shocked at my behaviour in the past. Mind you, my current car puts the headlights on automatically at the merest hint of a cloud, so you could never tell now anyway.

The stuff about road rules is total nonsense in England. It's clearly polite to let the funeral go past but the cortège is subject to the same traffic rules as everyone else.