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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
Lifecraft · 23/08/2019 15:09

Imagine being part of a funeral cortege, surrounded by grieving family and friends, and then making a holy show of your self by screaming out of your car window at another motorist, like some demented fishwife.

Just appallingly disrespectful behaviour. If I'd have been a close relative of the deceased, I'd be very unimpressed.

OP, none of this is your fault. She's a loudmouth arse (which I think I've mentioned previously)

BossAssBitch · 23/08/2019 15:10

YWBVVU
I'm not surprised you got shouted at. Whether you were going to be 10 mins later home is immaterial compared to procession following hearse on way to bury their loved one

Oh don’t be so ridiculous! OP, they will get split up anyway during the journey, you were good to wait for the other cars. My advice is not to post in AIBU when you are feeling vulnerable, it’s full of cunts that revel in kicking you when you are down.

prettybird · 23/08/2019 15:10

This is why I'm glad that my dad had my mum's coffin delivered direct to the crematorium and we all met there.

diddl · 23/08/2019 15:10

"a few black limos with the closest mourners and everyone else waited at the church/ chapel."

Yes.

When it was the funeral of one of my parents, people were there, although not seated & followed us in.

With a procession, wouldn't people still be arriving & trying to park whilst others were in?

KatherineJaneway · 23/08/2019 15:10

I got very angry at a car like yours. I was part of a funeral procession and it was clear this other driver thought I was being a cf. However this was in the days before sat nav so I had to closely follow the others. I gave her a look that could kill. Might have said a few choice words at her as well. We were burying a beloved member of our family but she couldn’t wait 5 seconds for my car to pass Angry

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 15:11

I do think OP needs to have some chocolate though, or cake and a cup of tea. She didn't mean to, it shocked her that she did and got shouted at, and I suspect she regrets not realising, even if she asked for Aibu and other have been gung-ho supporting her telling her she did nothing wrong.

OP didn't intentionally, but she did accidentally, cut into a funeral procession and distressed at least one car of mourners, albeit unintentionally.

She shouldn't beat herself up.about it. But she might be more observant, cautious and patient next time, just incase .

Which means that in her lifetime, there might be a fee car loads of mourners that arent accidentally caused distress at such a vulnerable time. Not to be sniffed at really. I'd take that as a win.

irregularegular · 23/08/2019 15:11

Full link here:

It's very clear that there are not special rules for funeral processions. Legally they do not have right of way. However you "should" give way when it is safe.

No idea where that "should" comes from though. It isn't legal or official. Just someone's judgement of society's norms.

beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/what-is-a-funeral-procession/

PrimalLass · 23/08/2019 15:12

Lots of cars have lights on all the time now. There's no point having a 'rule' like that unless everyone knows about it and keeps their lights off at other times.

steff13 · 23/08/2019 15:12

I doubt they had banners!

They do here. During the service a funeral home employee puts little magnetic flags on each of the cars in the procession. Here it's the last that you have to wait until the entire procession has passed. Although, there's general a police escort who will block the road so you can't go until the procession has finished. I know it's annoying sometimes, but I always think no matter how annoying it is, I'm not burying someone I cared about that day, so I can deal.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 15:12

Win= positive outcome. I meant to change it but it saved before I could! 🤐

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2019 15:13

UK rules

Give way to the hearse and funeral cars
Don’t cut into a funeral procession
Avoid listening to loud music
Don’t beep your horn
Only overtake a procession on a dual carriageway

SunshineCake Where is this from? It looks like what might appear on a random websit’s.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 15:14

@steff13
Wow, that sounds such a good system. Is that UK?

SaffronFields · 23/08/2019 15:15

Yanbu usually it’s only one car or two behind so you weren’t to know.

Don’t take it personally she was obviously having a difficult day.

Original poster
Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 15:16

Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and reassurances. I would never knowingly break up a procession as I do get they would have been following the hearse. It was genuinly just impossible to know where it would end. If it was clear then of course I would have waited and it wouldn't have bothered me being late for work as I'm sure they would have understood. (I work from home just in case anyone picks up that I said I needed to get home). When I saw the hearse pull out I wasn't annoyed that it pulled out in front of me, I just felt sad. The last coffin I saw was my dad's, so naturally I do understand and respect that they were grieving. Guess I just need to pull my big girl knickers up hey!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 23/08/2019 15:16

me too Lifecraft, I don't care who they are there is no need to be so bloody rude.

iklboo · 23/08/2019 15:17

Those aren't U.K. rules. It's etiquette.

Lifecraft · 23/08/2019 15:18

Give way to the hearse and funeral cars
Don’t cut into a funeral procession

Those 2 are mutually exclusive. The first says you have to give way for the hearse and funeral cars (that's the limos)
The second implies you have to give way to the whole procession.

This never came from the highway code, did it. It's been pulled of the internet and is someone's opinion of what they think the rules should be. So it's completely useless.

GruciusMalfoy · 23/08/2019 15:18

Sunshinecake, rules or etiquette?

MissPepper8 · 23/08/2019 15:19

Disagree with most people here, hearse and limo/family cars for sure but grieving or not that woman was a rude dick. Totally disrespectful to the funeral she's attending to be thinking of herself.

We had this the other day, we let the hearse and family car out with a few cars behind and then went behind with no aggro.

Think you've jsit been unfortunate in crossing her path OP, I very much doubt another driver would of done that.

Zebraaa · 23/08/2019 15:19

@steff13 a police escort?! I’m pretty sure UK police have more important things to do than give an escort to Bob who’s popped his clogs.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 15:21

All the funerals I’ve been to had a few black limos with the closest mourners and everyone else waited at the church/ chapel.

Ditto

AlbertWinestein

I wasn't yelling. THIS IS YELLING!!!

Why don't you say which (non-fictional) country you are in? Then we'll know,

KUGA · 23/08/2019 15:21

YWNBU.
She clearly has NO respect for the deceased.
You on the other hand did have.
And I believe there are no rules about letting any funeral cortege through.
Don`t let the monster mouth get to you.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2019 15:22

Funeral processions are told to keep going through red lights and other traffic has to wait.

Never seen this to happen.

I wait to press the button on the pedestrian lights until I can see a hearse has passed, but can't really know who else is in the procession.

MulticolourMophead · 23/08/2019 15:23

WillLokireturn Not everyone grieves in the same way.

Last year we lost mum. In the car behind the hearse, we were all talking, including my dad, during her final journey. And laughing at memories. And we laughed at the fact we were going so slowly along a dual carriageway ( the crem is in a nearby town, we don't have one closer).

MulticolourMophead · 23/08/2019 15:24

Funeral processions are told to keep going through red lights and other traffic has to wait.

Funeral processions are not above the law. You hit a red light, you stop.

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