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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
beachysandy81 · 23/08/2019 14:55

The only person that didn't show respect was the woman that shouted at you. It sounds like the other cars were just normal cars so how were you to know if they were part of the funeral procession or just others attending the funeral. If you had waited for every car to leave on the off chance they were part of the procession you may have had to wait for 100 cars!!!

I actually thought that the funeral procession was only the black cars, but I will look out for other cars that look like they may be part of the procession now.

LucyLeak · 23/08/2019 14:56

I'm also shocked at the lack of respect/awareness... Maybe it should be part of the driving theory test

PutyourtoponTrevor · 23/08/2019 14:56

How much longer should OP have waited? How was she supposed to know who was in the procession and who wasn't? I think a hearse and 10 cars is plenty to let out. OP wasn't unreasonable, didn't make a mistake, wasn't insensitive in the slightest

Zebraaa · 23/08/2019 14:56

@Lifecraft Grin

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2019 14:57

Maybe it should be part of the driving theory test

Can you point out the relevant section of the Highway Code that drivers need to adhere to?

stayathomer · 23/08/2019 14:57

OP I agree with Chocoholic, cake or chocolate. Whether that lady was in shock or just being a beep she shouldn't have shouted at you

Zebraaa · 23/08/2019 14:58

There’s so many bloody idiots on here. I’d be scared to get you on the jury if I ever did anything wrong.
How was she meant to know they were part of the funeral procession?! They’re just normal cars.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:59

@IHateUncleJamie thankyou for the MN flowers though. 🥰

My late DSis would have been the first to wind her window down and say "Please show some respect. Please be patient and let the procession through together"
She wouldn't have shouted.

But I might have, because I was soooo incredibly angry and beside myself when she died, after I even slightly got over the disbelief (not sure that's really gone yet). I don't know if I would have, and I didn't towards whitevan driver (except for a brief second wishing his van was smited 😬🥺) but looking back I'm surprised at the strength of my rage that the world didn't stop.

I'm glad the world didn't stop and that I didn't lose it. But I can understand others doing so, and those saying they can't haven't ever experienced that kind of heart shattering loss. Because if they had, they would at least understand and empathise even a smidge with angry mourning lady.

ElizaDee · 23/08/2019 14:59

@WillLokireturn Fri 23-Aug-19 14:37:28
I've been astonished by the lack of respect that PPs have been taught growing up by their parents, on this thread.

So am I. I don't understand how people aren't taught this stuff.

I actually thought that the funeral procession was only the black cars, but I will look out for other cars that look like they may be part of the procession now.

SMH

Durgasarrow · 23/08/2019 15:00

You should have waited.

4cats2kids · 23/08/2019 15:00

When did it become a thing that so many people follow a procession in their own cars? All the funerals I’ve been to had a few black limos with the closest mourners and everyone else waited at the church/ chapel. I’m all for being respectful, but I would probably have made the same mistake as the OP. Is this a cultural/ regional thing?

marvellousnightforamooncup · 23/08/2019 15:01

I'd let the black ones, the hearse and limos go and any others are fair game. The woman who shouted sounds like the type that was only going for the gossip, sandwiches and social media "poor me" opportunities.

Chickenish · 23/08/2019 15:02

Its very hard. I went to a funeral where there were lots of people. I can’t imagine anyone bar very close family expected / hoped for other people to stop.

The situation has been and gone now. I know you’re shaken up, and pp are right about chocolate.

Unless you live near a funeral home, you are unlikely to come across this situation again.

lmusic87 · 23/08/2019 15:02

You had no way of knowing, don't worry.

AlbertWinestein · 23/08/2019 15:02

SchadenfreudePersonified I’m not sure why you’re yelling. The key was in the word, “Here”. I don’t live in the UK, or Cloud Cuckoo Land, come to that.

Durgasarrow · 23/08/2019 15:02

Yes, all the cars that have lights on are part of the funeral procession. They are following the casket on the way to the cemetery to the burial. If you jump in on the way, they may get lost, as they try to follow each other.

StuartMichelle · 23/08/2019 15:03

People can be absolute assholes, you done nothing wrong...

StuartMichelle · 23/08/2019 15:04

I echo what others have said... how are you supposed to know which cars are with the funeral? I wouldn't know!!

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 15:05

@Zebraaa
Well, I'm clearly not an idiot.
And I wouldn't accept a jury summons having just lost my sister as I knew I couldn't think straight. The court would have accepted it too.
If you RTFT you'll see how she might have known. The same reason that I don't run over children that dart into the road, you know, observation and caution if I see emergency vehicles, children by the road and funeral processions ... You take extra care when you know you need to.

I think that shows an abundance of careful judgement and ability to reason. So in the whole, I'd say, you'd be very pleased to have me on your jury
if /when are arrested as I'll be logical, patient and want to look at the evidence. I won't push for a quick decision for my own personal reasons. Smile

IHateUncleJamie · 23/08/2019 15:05

I’m not surprised, @WillLokireturn ♥️ You sound lovely and your reaction is entirely normal. I would have wanted vengeance on the van driving twat too!

I do think it’s important to remember that not every mourner usually nice though - my mother would go to the funerals of people she barely knew just so she’d get sympathy. She would be just the sort of person to be vile and shout at the OP. 😳

chipsychopsy · 23/08/2019 15:05

Actually, is this in England. I think the nuance even throughout the UK could be important here. In Ireland the mourners walk behind the coffin, it's then put into the hearse, and followed only by black mourners cars, the rest of the funeral goers, walk back to their own cars and travel to burial/cremation on their own time.

MidCenturyVintageWoman · 23/08/2019 15:05

WillLokireturn stop trying to make grieving a competitive sport. I'm sure the OP has lost a loved one at some point, haven't we all? The competitive, I've suffered losses and therefore I am more qualified to do grief properly (saying mourners who don't follow the procession to the funeral venue "aren't that bothered"' for example) and intimation you have a deeper understanding of the respect necessary to be shown in these situations, is just virtue signalling claptrap. The OP thought she HAD let the whole party out, so saying she should have let the whole party out is really quite pointless. She let out 10 cars after the official cars, someone comes on and says "well we had 15 cars blah blah". I'm sure if she had said she'd let out 15 cars someone else would have popped up saying "well we had 20". The OP did nothing wrong, and didn't deserve to be shouted at. Mourners are just people and therefore any funeral party will statistically include a certain number of arseholes.

SunshineCake · 23/08/2019 15:06

UK rules

Give way to the hearse and funeral cars
Don’t cut into a funeral procession
Avoid listening to loud music
Don’t beep your horn
Only overtake a procession on a dual carriageway

QueenOfPain · 23/08/2019 15:07

Seems odd to have people in their normal cars expecting to follow the hearse and limos too. Normally anyone not in the funeral cars makes their own way there, because like you’ve said, how were you to know?

Teddybear45 · 23/08/2019 15:09

I would have asked for proof she was part of the procession and then shot up past her, but I’m a bitch.

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