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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been shouted out by funeral party...

717 replies

Pinklady1982 · 23/08/2019 13:05

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

OP posts:
Lifecraft · 23/08/2019 14:22

I wonder if shouty woman will be shaking her first at the traffic lights when they split up the procession. There is no way a procession of more than about 4 vehicles can stay together unless the journey is less than a few hundred metres. Just won't happen.

OP, don't give it another thought. She's a loudmouthed arse, and if she was grieving, I bet she's still a loudmouthed arse when she's happy.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:22

@Nottheduchess
That's you, that's not every mourner. It simply jars you out of thinking, watching and following, if other cars are impatient and cut in. If you aren't that bothered, you'd simply go straight to the crem or church and meet your loved one there. Not go in procession from house which is all about respect, grieving and being part of their last journey. It is also a very painful time that passes slowly when you are following as part of their funeral procession. You don't do that bit lightly.

Coconutbug · 23/08/2019 14:22

I think it's a hard situation to know who's part of it and who's not! Sometimes funeral homes provide stickers to put in the car but not always! They were probably just emotional and stressed because of that day.
Put it behind you :)

Cheeseoncrumpets · 23/08/2019 14:23

I recently went to a funeral where they had on one car which had immediate family, so wife and children in it and then all the grand children, siblings and in laws followed behind in their own vehicles. They all arrived at the cremotorium at the same time behind the procession.

This is fairly common as funerals are bloody expensive, and if its a large family you cant always afford loads of cars. My DGM had only one car as well on reflection and I followed behind with my DB and cousin.

AlternativePerspective · 23/08/2019 14:24

She might not even have been a part of the funeral party though. She might just have been a miserable cow with road rage seeing an opportunity to get away with her usually shitty behaviour.

Remembering39862 · 23/08/2019 14:25

I recently went to the funeral of a dear friend under tragic circumstances.
I was devastated (to PP, just because you aren’t in the black limos doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving Confused) but oddly enough I wasn’t a total arse to strangers because I’m not an unreasonable cow.
YWNBU OP, in fact you were lovely to have let so many cars go, particularly since you weren’t sure if all of them were part of the funeral procession. I’m sure plenty of people wouldn’t have.
You were just unlucky with this woman by the sounds of it.
Grief is awful and anger is a common by-product but it’s not a blanket excuse to behave appallingly to others.
Hope you’re feeling better now Cake

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:25

😟 I can't abide the falseness of the pretend mourning in a slowly moving cortege, as if to say "look at us - someone's died - mourn with us!".
What a horrid way to view a respectful last journey to lay someone to rest . Believe me no one in that procession is thinking that, that's your warped uncaring mind.

StealthPolarBear · 23/08/2019 14:26

"
I was devastated (to PP, just because you aren’t in the black limos doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving confused) but oddly enough I wasn’t a total arse to strangers because I’m not an unreasonable cow"
Exactly. Except in horrendous circunsyances most people don't take leave of their ability to act like a normal human being following the death of a loved one.

TinyGhostWriter · 23/08/2019 14:28

@AlbertWinesteinShock

That’s dark, but also hilarious 😂

HaileySherman · 23/08/2019 14:30

Sorry you got yelled at OP, but a funeral procession has the right of wsy, no matter how long it is. If you recognized there was one going on, better to err on the side of caution. Usually there is something to show people in a procession, all headlights on, etc. Its a time of high emotion obviously, but the loved ones of deceased deserves the respect of others allowing an intact procession. It's the law here in the US.

ElizaDee · 23/08/2019 14:31

and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't.

It's pretty obvious who is in the funeral procession as they have flags on the cars, their lights on or you can just tell from their clothes.

You need to pay attention because out of the the last three funerals I've been to, one being a baby's, all three times people have tried to push in through the procession or not allow it to pass and those 3 people very narrowly missed out on a pasting (not from me, but I'd have fully approved of it). Tensions run high at funerals and people need to give a bit of respect.

When I was little we were taught to stand and bow our heads etc at passing funerals, not barge our way into the fucking procession because we have somewhere oh so more important to be than showing a bit of respect.

steakandcakes · 23/08/2019 14:32

@lifecraft 100% me too

billy1966 · 23/08/2019 14:32

Grieving people do not spend time shouting out of their car windows.

What a pity she couldn't have a little more respect for the person who had died and not resort to such vulgar behaviour.

I hope you feel better soon OP
You were not at fault.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 14:32

Sorry you got yelled at OP, but a funeral procession has the right of wsy, no matter how long it is.

Bollox!

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:33

For those that don't know stages of bereavement, shock& disbelief, bargaining and then anger are part and parcel of that process . Wait til you (hopefully never or much later and not soon) have a tragic death of a much loved one in your world and then reflect, hopefully you might be more patient and understanding of a minor in inconvenience to you routine day then. The world has stopped for them, you can spare a few more minutes not to add to their distress.

iklboo · 23/08/2019 14:34

It's pretty obvious who is in the funeral procession as they have flags on the cars, their lights on or you can just tell from their clothes.

I've never been to a funeral where people following behind in their own cars had flags on.

ElizaDee · 23/08/2019 14:36

Lifecraft Fri 23-Aug-19 13:30:53
You should have waited for all the cars to exit. It might have added a few seconds to your journey, but that would have meant so much more to those in the funeral procession.

Nonsense, they'll all get split up and junctions and traffic lights anyway. Let all the hearses out, but everyone else is just a normal road user, who happen to be going to a funeral.

Funeral processions are told to keep going through red lights and other traffic has to wait.

4cats2kids · 23/08/2019 14:36

It’s unreasonable to expect 10+ cars to be able to stick together. Plus if she was in a regular car and not a smart black limo type of car, how were you to know she was part of the procession?
Just forget about it. Grief is not an excuse to be rude and undignified.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:36

Eliza me too!!

When I was little we were taught to stand and bow our heads etc at passing funerals, not barge our way into the fucking procession because we have somewhere oh so more important to be than showing a bit of respect.

My DC and I stop and quietly bow our heads when a funeral procession passes. It takes a moment and it is a wave of community love to those following.

ElizaDee · 23/08/2019 14:37

@iklboo Some funeral directors give them out to put on the car. They attach to the window like football flags.

Labassecour · 23/08/2019 14:37

It's pretty obvious who is in the funeral procession as they have flags on the cars, their lights on or you can just tell from their clothes.

Many cars now have automatic daytime lights, many funerals specifically ask for people not to wear black, and I have literally never in my 47 years of funeral-going seen a funeral which handed out flags to people following in their own non-limousine-type cars to distinguish them.

WillLokireturn · 23/08/2019 14:37

I've been astonished by the lack of respect that PPs have been taught growing up by their parents, on this thread.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/08/2019 14:38

Here, all members of the funeral party put their hazard lights on so everyone knows they’re together

THAT is ILLEGAL.

iklboo · 23/08/2019 14:38

@ElizaDee - yes some may do. But not all of them.

Justaboy · 23/08/2019 14:40

WillLokireturn If you read it how was she supposed to know how many cars there were in the funeral event?