Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

You were not being unreasonable, the dead don’t care anyway. I was in a graveyard once, and hopped over a wall to get somewhere. Someone shouted at me so I told them to get a life. Very apt I thought!

@Pinklady1982
This isn't aimed so much at you, as you seem to have genuinely believed the procession had passed. But there are some tips for next time. I'm more 🥺 at some of the other PPs on here.

NovemberWitch My DBro and I still laugh when we remember the two old ladies attending the wake for our mum last year, who claimed to know her (they didn't) and who sat there stuffing their faces.

You were not being unreasonable, the dead don’t care anyway

Fgs show some respect! For the living who are grieving as well as the loved one who died.

In my vast experience of funerals (huge family, at least 3 a year these days) I have noticed that those closest to the deceased, those truly grieving, are the ones most likely to let something like this go. They are far too busy grieving for their loved one to worry about traffic, pouring rain, passers by having a chat etc. The social mourners (and there are always social mourners, easily identified by their propensity to get drunk and muscle their way to the front of the buffet queue) are the ones who get shitty.

You were in the right OP, don't think about it any more.

Thankyou @LucyLeak 🥰

You let a long row of cars out. That was absolutely fine. The woman was unpleasant and grief doesn’t give you a right to behave like that. We had some delays during my DF’s funeral a couple of months ago. It didn’t make any difference to us at all.

I was brought up to be respectful too thank you... the hearse pulled out very slowly in front of me and I was extremely patient. As I said in my op, it was a residential road and I saw people join the back on the queue, I was not to know they were part of it.

How does the lights on thing work when so many modern cars have daylight running lights anyway?

And when my father died I wasn't in a limo at the funeral, so it's easy enough to be a close relative but not in a limo.

I don't think you did anything wrong if you had no idea who was part of the funeral and who wasn't. It's not like you drove into the middle of the mourners who were on foot (which did happen at a funeral I was at, and the driver hurled abuse at the mourners for being in the way)

YWNBU OP, and even if you were it was nasty of the lady to shout. I don’t know why people have to be so confrontational and unkind.

Don’t feel bad about it.

Lifecraft, you are behaving like a crude, insensitive arse. The last funeral I went to had the hearse, two limos and 6 cars with close relatives. None of us were looking forwards to stuffing our faces as the main point of the day.

And how many of you shouted out of your windows at other motorists? None I'm guessing. You don't do that if you're grieving, you do that if you're an entitled twat.

Ignore them OP, you did nothing wrong.

I'm with WillLokireturn show some respect! I'd have waited for all the cars to exit the road.

It wasn't obvious the car was part of the cortège or someone just coming out of the street. They weren't in a funeral car.

Where we live nobody does the lights on low thing to show they're with the funeral party.

@WillLokireturn Cars following funeral procession are usually full and with people dressed up with lights on low in the day to indicate they are part of funeral procession

Nope, I’ve not heard of this.
YANBU op. Honestly, the times I’ve been in a funeral procession I’ve really had other things on my mind other than people cutting in/or overtaking.

🥺 I have noticed that those closest to the deceased, those truly grieving, are the ones most likely to let something like this go.
No we aren't. We are watching our loved one on her last journey. And grieving and thinking if all the other times we've driven this way from her house to go somewhere fun. And trying to keep it together. And inpatient cars or vans cutting in, jars that. As I said earlier OP didn't intend to, but the mourner who shouted at her believed she could tell they were part of procession for a reason. Or was upset at what she felt was disrespect. I'd have apologised and said I hadn't realised if I was OP and been determined to be extra patient next time. I've never cut into a funeral procession, even before my DSis died, so maybe some of us CAN tell. And my partner has pulled over when he realised if he had done so, ,as soon as it was safe, to let the other cars rejoin.

YWNBU you genuinely tried your best to work out who was in the funeral procession and let them out, no easy task. You had good intentions and if it had been obvious the lady shouting had been with the funeral you'd have had no problem letting her out too.

Lifecraft

Here, all members of the funeral party put their hazard lights on so everyone knows they’re together. I know this as one time I put mine on too just so I could squeeze in the middle because the line was so long

Hi op,
This exact same thing happened to me last week! In my case I had let out everyone I thought was in the funeral party but there was someone in the lane next to them (not behind ifswim).
The abuse I got was awful, he also tried to cut me up to prove a point. I still don't know whether he was part of the group or just a not a nice person - although he seemed more angry than necessary .
I too was shaken up (although over it now) and would hate to think that I had caused the party to be broken.
We all make mistakes though - I was trying to do a nice thing out of respect but it backfired.
I would try to put it behind you

Some utter bastard had a go at my dad at a funeral. He felt my dad wasn't supporting the bastards sister, the dead man's girlfriend of a few years enough. The dead man was my dad's brother of over five decades and my dad was sodding grieving himself. I will never forget his ugly shitty face having a go at my dad.
For tge record he made a half assed apology later which my dad accepted graciously. But I'm so furious he did that before the funeral of my uncle.

All these people saying wait (pp kept waiting for half an hour?!) what if that makes you late to collect a DC etc?

OP I'd have let the hearse and following funeral cars out but after 10 cars I'd have moved on too.

And your one who gobbed off would have got my own version of fuck right off.

People use grief etc far too much to excuse/justify others’ shit/nasty behaviour. By the same token people use grief etc as a cover to hide behind when they wish to exhibit their shit behaviour.

Nobody has any idea what so ever who the deceased was or how they died or how grief-stricken their family and friends were. The woman was being a miserable bitch. She could have asked the OP to wait a bit longer but instead she had to start shouting and screaming? That’s not acceptable whoever you are or wherever your going. Respect is an earned thing. You don’t have to respect an unpleasant person just because they’re claiming to be grieving.

She was grieving and not thinking straight.

Not necessarily - she may have been just "tagging on" to get out of the sidestreet.

I find slow moving funeral processions a bit bloody ridiculous, tbh. We were on one for FIL a few years ago and all of us, in the leading car, got the giggles because it felt so daft.

DH and I just drove ourselves, with the kids who were off school at the time, for MIL's not long after.

I get the sense of theatre but it just doesn't work on busy roads.

I was once behind a funeral procession in Ireland, was kept waiting for over half an hour as they were walking and carrying the coffin.

In this case, you could see exactly who was part of the funeral -- the people carrying the coffin, and the crowd walking along the road behind the coffin, so it has very little relevance to the OP trying to figure out whether the anonymous fifteenth car or the fiftieth behind the hearse and black limousine-type mourning cars was still in the funeral cortege or not.

In Ireland, no one would get their knickers in a knot about this. There will be a lot of cars following the hearse, and other than not muscling in after the hearse, everyone is perfectly well aware that you can't tell where a line of cars attending a funerals and plain old traffic begins.

This is the reason why I have let it be known that for my funeral the hearse will drive at a normal speed for the prevailing traffic. I can't abide the falseness of the pretend mourning in a slowly moving cortege, as if to say "look at us - someone's died - mourn with us!".

You did well enough to let so many of them pass. It's a self-entitled arse who thinks the whole world stops just because they have a funeral to get to.

And yes she can't have been grieving that badly. At thee funeral of my uncle, I managed to not shout at random people. The only people who could surelt be that grief stricken would be in a funeral car. Almost everyone else can function, surely, in public, even if they cry in private.