Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

What @Lifecraft said!

@busymomtoone
Thankyou XXX 😘

I purposely hadn't read many of the latest posts, i read enough yesterday evening and found it really upsetting and was a bit devastated by the lack of humanity shown. And saw a couple more, when I looked just now to see if MNHQ had removed the personal bullying ones.

I have said my piece above but I am really glad that there are others out there that understand and were brought up with same level of respect I was. It may not be for everyone to want a procession, and that's fine, but in our community you would hope that an extra bit of patience that might be needed, could be found.

No one expects someone not to be mistaken at times, all been said respectfully to OP, who wasn't been slated at all, even if she started to turn a bit later driven by some aggressive posters. But if they realise that, and wanted to try to avoid same later and hear what some processions organise, who is that really hurting? Because at no point will that be their worst day when it is for those on way to funeral.

It has been mentioned by many that there are some indicators but mostly it alao falls under context with those. I would always err on side of caution, let a few more cars out , than accidentally cut in. Others don't feel that way and that is up to them. It's sad though if personal insults are aimed at those who are in former. And that they are berated for how "they (latter) should know" Just own it if you would rather cut in , don't want to double check, or wait a bit extra time. You can be you, own it. Please don't tag me nor others saying, it's important to some communities and many families.

God bless us, I would not have let any of them out !

@Geschwister4...who am I then?!

I would have shouted "it'll be your funeral soon if you don't shut your fat cakehole". But I'm not the most sensitive of souls.

that would be my response too
you dont get a free pass to treat people like crap just cos someone died
you also dont own a public road cos someone died
the whole world dont stop cos your loved one, a stranger to everyone else, has died

and yes ive lost people and been part of a procession, which guess what people cut in as we were on a PUBLIC ROAD

Sorry, I'm asking this in the nicest of ways possible, so please don't think I'm being nasty here as that isn't he case at all, but how have I started to turn a bit? I'm genuinly not sure what you mean? I have said myself that the thread has derailed and maybe others should forget about it too as I was trying to do. I don't know how to turn off notifications when it's my own thread, otherwise I would to be honest as yes there has been some nasty messages and some who outright don't have any respect, but I still don't understand how you believe me to have turned?? It's all very draining to be honest after 19 pages of having to explain myself time and time again and I just want to draw a line and move on.

I've said before we need a RTFT category like classics, and this would be a prime candidate.

WillLokiReturn, for someone who hates this thread so much it seems you can't stop posting on it. Just hide it and move on with your weekend.

Some people can't resist the opportunity to tell someone else off in the UK.

Pinklady1982 You haven't, don't worry. You did nothing wrong in the road or in this thread. WillLoki has a bit of a bee in her bonnet about it is all and winter accept that her norm of big funeral processions isn't standard across the UK

and yes ive lost people and been part of a procession, which guess what people cut in as we were on a PUBLIC ROAD

This would be my feeling. I have been part of a procession many times. Thinking back to the procession after my mum’s sudden death a few years ago, there were only two black cars and everyone else following in their own cars.

It wouldn’t even have occurred to me to notice, far less get upset about any vehicles “cutting into” the procession because
a) I had other fish to fry at that precise moment in time
b) the cars were unmarked so impossible for other road users to know they were part of a procession
c) it’s a public road - of course cars aren’t going to be able to all follow each other
continuously.

🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Given that she had already let ten cars out, OP was definitely not and other lady may now be mortally embarrassed at behaving like a fishwife on such an occasion.

YWNBU As the car was at least 10 cars behind the funeral cortege I would say the woman was not one of the main mourners. You were very considerate in allowing so many cars out of the junction quite unusual these days so don't take the obnoxious comments to heart. Bet that woman wouldn't be so considerste in the same circumstances.

@mathanxiety Actually it sounds typical American to me, all showy and self-indulgent. Anything more than 2 or 3 cars is ridiculous over the top American nonsense. There is no need for these long funeral Grand Parades. No need for it at all. Thankfully, where I live in Australia, and the UK it seems, are not infected with such self-serving indulgence. There is just no need for it, and the practice should be stamped out. Thankfully, where I live in Australia, and the UK it seems, are not infected with such self-serving indulgence.

One poster (I think only one) keeps going on about how the funeral will be the worst day in a mourner's life, but not all mourners are close family members of the deceased. People attend funerals of acquaintances, colleagues, neighbours, and while it may be a sad day, I don't believe it will be the worst day of their life. The further removed you are from the deceased you are the less that is the case.

The lady who shouted at the OP was at least ten cars back, it does not sound like she was close family or else she would have been car two or three. I would guess that if she was shouting the odds at the OP because she would not let her out she was more cross about than than in deep grief for a loved one.

I bet the mouthy cow wasn’t even going to the funeral.

@mathanxiety funeral party had better get with the programme and can expect no allowance whatsoever from other motorists.
You do realise that the world hasn't stopped because someone died, right? May be harsh, but it's true. People have medical appointments, court appointments (custody battles and such), need to pick up children, etc etc. The death of your loved one feels like the end of your world, but other people on the roads have lives too, it seems that some are selfishly forgetting this and think the whole world revolves around their Grand Parade production.

@WillLokireturn Please stop trying to bully people because you are trying and failing, to prove your point. Hopefully MNHQ will look at your posts.

Pinklady1982 Loki is being a bully, report their posts and don't give them a second thought. Hopefully MNHQ will deal with that poster, no one should hijack a thread and bully posters like that.

I would have shouted "it'll be your funeral soon if you don't shut your fat cakehole". But I'm not the most sensitive of souls

Only an grade A twat with half a brain cell would have said that. Sometimes and this was one of them we just have to shut our mouths and have a bit of respect.

@Pinklady1982 You didn’t make any mistakes and you didn’t do anything wrong.

You were kind enough to let the funeral procession go through and the next 10 cars you thought may have been part of the procession . You had no way of knowing, despite what ‘some’ people keep saying, who were mourners and who weren’t.

I’ve never heard of this car lights on rule and my car is one of those cars that has daytime lights on automatically so I really don’t see how anyone can be expected to know that any car who has lights on is part of a funeral procession. Maybe that was the case years ago, but with advances in car technology etc this is just not a feasible or practical method of being able to tell anymore. Frankly it seems ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

You did nothing wrong

I've been on Mumsnet for many many years and WillLoki's posts and obsession with how no one except her and her friends have any respect, and her insistence that people having never heard of the traditions she is referring to is down to lack of respect is one of the most bizarre things I've read in all those years.

I was once at a funeral where there were probably over a thousand mourners. Obviously they didn't all fit. The house was full, the (large) garden was full and mourners had overspilled into the road. Which was a quiet rural road. During the minister's address, a car drove into the mourners and tried to get through, but couldn't. The driver rolled down his window and asked what was going on and was told it was a funeral. Mourners were willing to move out of the way and let him through, obviously he had no idea the funeral was there. But when he started shouting out the window that he didn't give a fuck that it was a funeral, he wanted to use the road, funnily enough the mourners didn't move after all. And eventually he had to turn and drive off, which he did with his hand on the horn and howling abuse.

Now That is a lack of respect for mourners.

@isabellerossignol I've reported a lot of WillLokireturn's posts as I feel they are hijacking the thread, bullying posters, ignoring valid points - just repeating their 'unkind' spam post. The poster is a gaslighter and has hijacked and derailed the thread. Their behaviour is disgusting, yet every one else is 'unkind' because they make points that Loki refuses to acknowledge or discuss. They are here to bully, gaslight and hijack, they are not interested in discussion. I urge people to report that poster's spam hijacking posts.

WillLoki has been very passive aggressive, acting as if she’s the only one to ever have suffered a bereavement. To be honest, by the time most of us have hit adulthood, we have sadly lost someone we loved. Her continued assertion that she’s one of the few who truly understands because she’s had a tragic loss is even more insensitive given the OP of this thread has talked about her loss.

@Pinklady1982
You didn’t do it on purpose, you know that and those of us who read the thread know that. You’ve said you wouldn’t purposefully cut into a procession. There’s nothing else you can do now. You didn’t deserve to be shouted at for a genuine mistake. Take it easy and don’t worry.

I was once in a funeral procession, didn't know where we were going and in an unfamiliar town but told just to follow the funeral cars to get there. There was t many of us maybe 3 or 4 cars after the funeral cars. At first roundabout we go separated and lost. We ended up missing half the service by the time we found the crem. You were lovely letting so many cars through and I get you can never know which are part of the procession and which are just normal traffic.

@SaraNade why the pile-on against Loki? She hasn’t bullied anyone. She’s entitled to her opinion just as we all are. She and I have disagreed and discussed things politely. There have been some vile and much nastier posts on this thread so you might want to report those.

I’d say trying to instigate a pile-on and throwing accusations of bullying around is unnecessary and derailing. Report if you want but no need to make a drama out of it.

@Pinklady1982 I hope you’re ok. This thread has been derailed massively. IMHO You didn’t cut into the cortège between the hearse and family cars, you waited a perfectly reasonable amount of time, you were not to know which cars were going to the funeral and which were just queuing. You had right of way and the nasty cow who bellowed at you is probably just as nasty every day. If I were you I’d hide the thread now.