Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

@WillLokireturn

All very respectful PPs and understanding, that's been a lovely discussion.

It sounded like my situation was similar to the woman who had a go at the OP. I wasn't having a go at OP, just trying to show her how it feels to be grieving and feel like someone is trying to cut you off to get to their destination 5 seconds faster. Not saying Op was like that, just trying to explain how it could appear.

I did not say I didn't want to wait ages, I said I would have been waiting for ages. If it had been clear they were part of the funeral, of course I would have waited! I have explained this time and time again. Yes I did need to get home, but I know it would have been a legitimate reason for being late, but I saw these people join the end of the queue on a residential road, I didn't know where they had come from and the queue was getting bigger and bigger with other cars joining.

Sorry but if I was doing a school pick up and the child would be out of school before I got there the funeral posse would have to wait. Nobody is at risk if they are not all following each other to the funeral but the child is if mam, dad or grand-parent is not at the school gate on time.

Personally I would have just let them all go.

You're right, you didn't know which cars were part of the procession but I wouldn't have risked it... as we all know, attending a funeral of someone we love is just unbearable so every kindness is appreciated.

You wouldn't have been THAT late if you'd let them all out, a couple of minutes tops.

Chalk it up to experience and let it go.

@Lifecraft you sound like my kind of person!!

I've noticed a few posts about 'impatient drivers cutting in'. If you read the op, this wasn't the case and the funeral party was joining the road. The cortege only drives slowly until they reach the main road and then continue at normal speed. The expectation is that the main funeral cars will be split up from other mourners and at most churches/chapel of rest the parking for mourners is a few minutes walk from the entrance anyway. I have (sadly) driven in many funeral processions and no undertaker; ever has said anything about leaving lights on (I've had daylight running and auto lights for as long as I can remember anyway). You can't hold up a main road though forever, on the offchance that you may be between mourners. That could already be the case on the side road anyway.

You always let ALL funeral cars out. So rude to cut in

Well, the driver wasn't exactly respectful to the dead by turning their funeral into an argument!

you always let all mourners out how was op to know the person was a mourner? It wasnt a funeral car just a normal car,10 cars behind the funeral car. What if there were another 10 cars waiting to come out at that junction, should she have waited till there were no more cars until she moved. She was on the main road and had right of way. Was she expected to hold up traffic on the main road for as long as it took for the side road to clear? In busy cities this would cause chaos. She clearly stated that she could see cars joining the end of the queue of traffic. I doubt all of those cars where going to the funeral.
They didn't have right of way, op was nice to let 10 cars out when she legally didn't have to. We cant just start ignoring the rules of the road surely.

Ocies yes, that is a very welcome change for many people.

But it appears that once you leave the location of the service and try to proceed to the final resting place, a funeral party had better get with the programme and can expect no allowance whatsoever from other motorists.

Try not to think too much about it. Road rage is bad enough but then with the emotions of loosing a loved one, she wasn’t thinking straight. She was wrong but sometimes you have to just leave things.

I wonder what they train bus drivers to do? But the sense of entitlement of many motorists to the public road, driving or parking, is often extraordinary.

Well most of the posters on here would think me an insensitive arse because I might let the hearse out and maybe a following black funeral car but other than that nope no more. If definately a big black funeral car following ok but a normal car would not get a look in. Think the original poster was more than courteous and definately nicer than me where letting folks out of side streets onto main roads is concerned. My car is invisible and no one lets me into traffic or I frequently get cut up by arsehold drivers so Ive decided as I cant beat them I'll join them. (my husband told me car was invisible after being cut up several times when he borrowed it )

Please if any one has been bereaved and want to say that, please do not join this thread.
It isn't a safe space to post as there are PPs who aren't kind.

I imagine everyone on this post has been bereaved at some point in their lives.... no one has said people cant mourn. Just that whole roads can't be held up for large numbers of cars and that grief doesnt give you a free pass to act horribly.

YANBU op. A total, unintended, misunderstanding.

I honestly cannot imagine ever reacting to someone the way that woman reacted to you, and yes I have been bereaved, and I have been in funeral processions, and I am empathetic to anyone suffering a loss.

Do not take it personally, and assume she was too overcome with grief to be reasonable. Don't let it weigh on you.

Unfortunately last poster proved my point, and so quickly which really makes me 😟 Those that have shared their stories haven't talked about holding up traffic but asked about a bit of patience and humanity and what might indicate if there is a longer than usual funeral procession. . No one has condoned lady's actions towards OP. OP asked and pp shared their stories early in in thread. But that is a mistake as it is AIBU. It isn't a safe space and there are a number of POs who want to be 'right' rather than kind, pendantic and for whatever personal reasons, are critical of other vulnerable people.
I will just reiterate, this is not a safe space for bereaved people or the majority of people who have lost a dear loved one.

Last poster was *Ginny when I was typing my comment

@WillLokireturn in the words of Rocket Racoon.

"Everyone has dead people"

Except when posters have pointed out to you loki that you were wrong about one things you have decided that this makes them unkind people. I watched my friend collapse and die in front of me so I know a bit about grief. I buried 3 grandparents and an uncle in 4 months. At no point have i said anything unkind to anyone. You have decided that because i don't agree that everyone should automatically know when someone is going to a funeral or that drivers should just sit idly letting people out on a main road just in case they are following the hearse 12 cars in front that I am unkind and horrible.

This isn't a safe space at all. Please remember AIBU is full of PPs who would rather prove "their point" than think about how distressed others might be and modulate their replies to be helpful and not personal nor combative. Or realise that others who have given a different side have been balanced in their replies and understanding.

I am concerned at PPs who continue to be unkind when it is a thread that ought have careful and understanding posts from all perspectives.

😨 I suspect, in a sad way, that they will identify themselves and continue to do so.

As I said there will continue to be PPs in AIbu on a thread about funeral processions who continue to attack anyone personally who identify themselves in their subsequent posts. I do not want to be tagged by those people and I would rather be left alone. This is a thread that has deteriorated into a worrying behaviour.
If PPs could be kind & take a moment to think about how they express themselves, that would be far nicer.

Please do not tag me. I and several others think it has gone far enough now, that MNHQ ought have stepped in.

The woman who shouted at you was certainly no lady . You did your best to be sensitive to the feelings of others . Console yourself that this fishwife was probably in a hurry to get the prime seat at the funeral in order to be first to the free bar at the wake . When I worked for a local Council Authority some years ago I received a written complaint that a Refuse Vehicle had pulled up behind the hearse to pick up bins . When I questioned the operatives they said as soon as they realised they had removed their hats as a mark of respect. I mentioned that in my reply as well as giving an abject apology on their behalf . Ironic as I’d just been part of a contingency planning meeting . Steam cleaning and adapting Refuse vehicles to remote multiple corpses after a possible severe explosion at a Chemical Plant in our area . Luckily this never happened on my watch .

I and several others think it has gone far enough now, that MNHQ ought have stepped in

I think I must be reading a different thread. Quite a lot of people have pointed out that funeral processions are not the norm for them and they wouldn't have had any idea about them or lights on or anything. A couple have been mildly flippant about people thinking they own the roads. It's hardly a hostile thread.