Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

At every funeral I have been to (and yes, that's quite a lot) most people make their way there independently: the cortege is the hearse and one, maybe two or three, cars, which is enough

I think that seems typical too.

Most of the funerals I've been to, you come out the church and WAIT for the hearse and family cars to leave first and follow behind to the cemetery. Thinking about it I would never drive off first, I'd always wait. So you do end up in a cortège, due to traffic lights and other cars you will get split up.
Dd's is the only funeral, that it was the other way round.

Most funerals I have been to the funeral cortege are close family. That is why it is normally just 1 or 2 cars. But the one with more cars was the death of a young adult. The close family was kids, partner, parents, in laws, siblings and siblings parents and kids. This was 7 cars. That is unusual as most people who die are elderly.

It’s not relevant to the OP’s situation that other countries allow funeral cars to go through red lights or provide police escorts. I can’t think of any red lights on the way to my local churches or crematorium where a procession of ten plus could go through a red light and not risk an accident. Our island is densely populated and has a high volume of traffic on the roads in relation to the available space in our towns and cities. It’s just not practical or safe to expect a massive procession not to get split up on the road system we have. This is why
generally there is a hearse and one or two limos.

It is also why the op was not unreasonable to let the first few cars past and didn’t realise there were more than ten following. There was no lack of respect here at all. I’ve honestly never witnessed a funeral where there was any more then a few black limos following the hearse. I think many British people would have made exactly the same assumption as the op. In other cultures this would be disrespectful if long processions are the norm, but not here. I can’t see how risking and accident and another funeral is necessary to show respect. Respect can be shown at the ceremony, you don’t need to create a hazard on the way.

british funerals are generally different from american funerals. It is just not the norm to have huge funeral processions. That is not disrespectful it's just a different cultural norm. Ireland is different again.

There are thousands and thousands of Irish people living and also dying in the UK, and many funerals are going to feature Irish customs.

It’s not relevant to the OP’s situation that other countries allow funeral cars to go through red lights or provide police escorts. I can’t think of any red lights on the way to my local churches or crematorium where a procession of ten plus could go through a red light and not risk an accident. Our island is densely populated and has a high volume of traffic on the roads in relation to the available space in our towns and cities

4cats - the reason why funeral processions are able to travel safely and intact for the most part through red lights and past stop signs, even in very built up areas where there is heavy traffic and lots of funerals, is because there is still a sense of respect for the solemnity of the occasion in the US. Apparently that has been lost in the UK.

(I have a feeling the 4-way stop would be far more dangerous in the UK than in the US too.)

@Pinklady1982 - not your fault at all. She was grieving.
@Lifecraft - you sound horrible actually.

People have plenty of respect for funerals in the uk having a different cultural norm does not make you disrespectful. Funerals also do not have to be solemn in fact in many cultures they are celebrations of a life.

Celebrations of life are not always realistic. I went to a funeral of a young woman who died leaving behind kids. It was fucking tragic.

Celebrations of a life can also incorporate a long funeral procession, and there is always the fact in the background that the life is being celebrated because it has ended.

There is plenty of very clear disrespect and impatience on this thread.

@mathanxiety I disagree that UK funeral traditions are less respectful. One thing I have noticed is that funerals are much less formulaic now and mourning families can put together a service, either religious or secular, which really reflects the life and personality of their loved one. I think that is hugely respectful.

Or as many people have told you a different experience of funerals in the uk.... no matter how you try to argue it. A long procession of cars is not the norm in the uk as many posters have said. The traffic laws in the uk would not in any way accommodate that anyway. Have you driven in a city centre in the uk? A long procession of cars would get split up almost instantly due to traffic lights and junctions.

ocies I agree my grandad funeral was completely secular. He had requested just a few flowers, no service and no religious music. It was hugely respectful to him as a man. He didn't want the fuss or ceremony. And by letting his funeral be how he wanted we treated him with the upmost respect

Legally it sounds like it was your right of way.
Morally how are you supposed to know when it ends.
Big mouth + grief = nasty circumstance

Think no more of it, personally I would only let the obvious cars go past.

WillLokireturn - I’m with you on this one - I think allowing just a few extra cars out ( how big could this residential street be?) having already waited for 10 cars versus would have been worth it rather than cutting up a funeral cortège. The worst that could have happened is the OP would have let a “ normal car/ driver” out. At the risk of sounding as old as methuselah- I remember people closing curtains, slowing cars, turning down music and standing in the street as a mark of respect. Of course most people nowadays can’t afford ALL funeral cars to be a black limo- but it’s pretty easy ( in traditional funerals which is usually the ones with a procession of cars) to see who is attending by their expression/ clothes/ demeanour/ pace of the car. There are very good reasons for respecting and not breaking up a line of cars - often people out of town, no idea where local church or cemetery is, wanting to pay last respects. Many possibly elderly and/ or highly emotional so not the best time to stick the sat nav up to follow! I too am saddened by some responses on here and can only assume people who don’t care about this either have yet never buried anyone close to them, or in some ways worse, have already experienced callousness or lack of respect themselves during grieving, so somehow think it’s ok to do the same. As others have said, it’s a really very small effort/ time inconvenience to others versus making things microscopically easier/ less painful on possibly the very worst and most tragic day in someone else’s. And yes, if you are late for school pick up for that reason, you are teaching the next generation respect too. We had to drive in a long procession along a very busy A road to bury my father, and it gave me some comfort that 99% of drivers slowed down, and even if they did overtake, did so slowly. I still remember the utter twat who zoomed past, music blaring!!

Just because she may have been grieving, doesn’t mean she had to be a twat. YANBU.

YANBU as people have said don't take it personally she was grieving. How was you supposed to know how many cars were involved when in normal cars. Dont worry about it, you weren't to know, its not your fault.

You can tell by the clothes?! First of all how do you see what people are wearing when they are in a car? A lot of people request bright colours these days so how does that work? Pace of the car? Chances are if they are in a queue of traffic they will be going at the same speed. Expression? I've made my own way to funerals and been chatting to whoever is in the car with me, not sitting looking miserable.

Whenever I've gone to a funeral I've never considered myself of part of the procession unless I've been in the limo. If I'm in my own car it's down to me to make sure I know where I'm going.

I too am saddened by some responses on here and can only assume people who don’t care about this either have yet never buried anyone close to them, or in some ways worse, have already experienced callousness or lack of respect themselves during grieving, so somehow think it’s ok to do the same.

The op didn’t realise the car was part of the funeral. The lady was wearing pink, so not at all obvious. She did nothing wrong. She didn’t purposely pull out in front of the funeral party. She didn’t deserve to get a mouthful from someone.

It was a misunderstanding

She was upset and you (rightly) didn't know what was going on. Her anger was directed at you, but came from a place of grief for the situation.

Be kind to yourself, no one was being unreasonable, everyone was just misunderstood.

You were in the wrong.

You put your own feelings of impatience to get home 3 minutes earlier above the respect for people grieving for their loved one.

If it was a mistake then you would have been sorry and known you were in the wrong by accident.

Chalk it down to experience but we are all in a sorry state if we can’t respect a strangers grieving funeral and put it above ourselves for a few minutes.

I think if the OP had made a genuine mistake she wouldn’t have phrased it ‘anyway I didn’t want to wait ages... ‘

I feel for you OP, you tried to do the right thing but not hold up traffic behind you as well. Hard to know at what point to stop letting the cars pass together I agree, how could you know! Not even a fraction as upsetting I'm sure but recently, getting on a bus, there was another passenger at the bus stop. A huge man. The bus stopped right beside me, with the open door right in front of me. Bus 3/4s empty so not competing for the last seat. I got on the bus quickly and sat down and when I looked back the man was tutting me and staring at me really crossly. When I got off the bus (at the same stop) I asked him politely for 30 seconds of his time to explain that I hadn't meant to upset him and that it wasn't my goal to get on the bus before him, I just wanted to get on quickly. I am naive, I thought he'd accept my apology but he reprimanded me for my rude behavior. I walked off. I said namaste or something sarcastic which isn't like me! I felt shaken. I'm too sensitive. I know that if there's a pregnant person on the bus I'm the first to leap up and relinquish their seat, so for somebody to erroneously conclude that I'm rude was discombobulating. There are rude people out there, in the world........... {toughen up} Instead of handing you a grip I"ll hand you a shield! Tune it out.

Exactly what I would have done, the stupid ignorant woman.

You were nice enough to let most cars out, she was being a bitch. When my dad died we had a brilliant funeral director who walked the procession of cars off the estate and at the main road stood in the middle of the road and stopped the traffic until the whole cortège was out. Sorry you feel shaken and no, YANBU.