Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

You tried your best to accommodate the funeral procession. I don’t see what more you could have done than that.

The ones I’ve been in we’ve always had lights on to show we’re part of the procession and it has never been a big deal if we got slightly separated.Certainly at the time of my father’s and sister’s deaths I must admit there were bigger things on my mind.

And of course, not being a total knob, I know that even on the worst days of my life I don’t know what kind of day anyone else is having (the people in a funeral procession don’t have the monopoly on stress and sadness) and so I don’t tend to scream at people who are doing their best.

I think you should have waited, OP. You weren't going to get anywhere any faster if you'd already let half the procession out.

Is this a young person thing that people don't know anymore they should hold back for a funeral procession? Just been a bit shocked at seeing drivers ignore funeral processions and trying to nip in. I do understand it happening when drivers might not realise that those cars are part of the procession, but I mean where it is obvious.

Apart from 1 funeral I have never seen a funeral procession that is more than the hearse and 1 or 2 cars. I have been to the funeral of quite a few family members and have never seen a large number of cars following the hearse. Maybe it is more common in some places or communities but not where I am from in the UK. I have never seen anyone cut inbetween the hearse and the black cars or anything but if the cars are not noticeably part of the procession then surely it cant be expected that people know automatically.

OP, you’re not psychic, how could you have known? No doubt, had you kept giving way, someone behind would have started beeping and getting annoyed, not having seen the hearse.

At my dad’s funeral 2 weeks ago, the hearse was followed by us in the town car, super slowly, probably pissed off the locals, particularly as the funeral director walked in front of the hearse the whole way to church!

@Ginnymweasley I have seen more than a few cars. But that was for someone young, so there were a lot of siblings and their families, their kids, parents, partner in cars. With elderly people it is different as a lot of these people will have died. So I would assume, although I might be wrong, that a large funeral procession means the death of someone young.

We’re getting into cancel the cheque territory now.

YABU If you weren't sure you should have erred on the side of caution and let the rest the cars pass.

I'm another one who thinks long funeral processions are an obsolete tradition that should be done away with. They date back to when there was simply less traffic on the streets and now they are just an attention-seeking PITA for everyone else. As PP have said, other road users might have to get to chemo/be taking a sick child to A&E - or be on their way to a crucial job interview, or have to get to the pawnbrokers before they close, or whatever (bear in mind that 'being stuck behind a cortege' is not going to be accepted by the DWP as a reason for being late for your work assessment interview, and therefore getting held up could mean six weeks with no money...)

I have lost quite a lot of people over the past few years, and apart from my dad's funeral, I have gone to all those funerals on the fucking bus. So this is not a case of me 'not knowing what bereavement is like', it's about understanding that, however awful your grief, the world is still turning and you don't have the right to wreck other people's day.

Haven't read all the comments but thought the unwritten rule was headlights on to follow.

I would have waited if I could, but you weren't to know, even though grieving you shouldn't have been shouted at like this, especially with your right of way, if they can't follow the rules they are not fit to drive at that time and it's not fair to others on the road

And how would she know where the end of the procession was Brokenwing?

So sorry to hear op.
Here you are trying to be good
And then this lady yells at you
Where i am from you put little black flags on thr cars, indicating that you are part of the followers. Because without them: HOW IN EARTH IS ANYONE supposed to know wether you are part of the grieving people or just a person going to work.

For all pp's saying you should have waited even longer: get over you selves and off your high horse

I attended my dear mother’s funeral this week. We were a short cortège of three cars going very slowly on residential roads and at forty MPH on an A road. On this latter, an articulated lorry cut us up and joined the cortège for a stretch. Upset as we were, we saw the funny side of his impervious selfishness and I think my dear mum would have too.

People’s emotions are all over the place at funerals, however.

I won't be explaining myself again, so to anyone who comments to say I should have waited, will just be ignored now, by me anyway. So true that things look differently after a good night's sleep!

I'm so sorry for your loss teacher. I lost my dad last year to cancer, so trust me I understand the deep heartache and devastation of losing a parent. You go through all the emotions, anger, guilt, uncontrollable crying etc, I still do now sometimes. His funeral was a year ago this weekend.

Sorry you’ve been given a hard time by some in here OP. I’ve find this thread very helpful. Am nearly 50 and have only been to funerals where everyone arrives first then the hearse and family cars arrive. I’ve never seen flags or headlights.

I always slow down if I see a hearse but will now be extra careful to check there aren’t more cars following the family cars.

I am in an area of the US where undertakers pass out stickers for cars to put on the front windows of their cars, everyone in a funeral procession sticks close to the bumper of the car in front, and travels through red lights and past stop signs, with their headlights on and sounding their horns. The last bit is very useful if the procession is making a right turn on a red light and traffic hoping to head in the same direction as the funeral can't see the stickers on the windshields and the hearse is miles ahead.

Non-funeral traffic can be stopped for several changes of lights. I am often sitting for 20 minutes waiting for a procession to pass as there is a belt of cemeteries about a mile from my neighbourhood.

Yes, people are delayed, but [shrug].

Best to err on the side of letting non-funeral cars off ahead of you, imo.

*pass out stickers for funeral attendees to put on the front windows of their cars...

In the us cars are given flags and a funeral procession is to proceed thru red lights and any other situation. It is a ticketable offense to break a funeral procession in many states in the us. At my mothers funeral we had 24 cars in the procession and my daughters was over 30 and in neither case did anyone break the procession line. Its disrespectful to break a funeral procession line. I have seen cops many times ticketing people for breaking a funeral procession and the fine is not cheap.

I would have done same as you.

Is this a young person thing that people don't know anymore they should hold back for a funeral procession

I don't know, I'm 40, is that young in the context of your question? I've never heard of the concept of a funeral procession bar the hearse and maybe 2 limos. Certainly never knew about all this lights on stuff.

The US is much less heavily trafficked and imo there's a much worse standard of driving. That actually sounds ludicrous to me and it would be chaos if we had that sort of thing here.