Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

... On a thread about a family's worst day, there are some unpleasant people on here. Even OP said she understood and thanked PPs for the different perspectives & tips.

You did nothing wrong OP.

She showed a distinct lack of respect IMO. Shouting like a fish wife on her way to a funeral.

Don’t think about it anymore OP. She was an arse!!

I would never expect my bereavement to be other road users problem. How self centered. Life goes on, as does road safety.

With my Nan and Gran we just arranged to 'meet them' at the crematorium and didn't do the whole procession thing. Quite glad now!
You didn't do anything wrong OP.

I think what I've mainly taken from this thread is that loki is clearly the only person in the history of MN who has ever lost a loved one, ever been to a funeral, can argue others are pedants when "facts" are shown to be (at best) locally specific etiquette.

I attended three very close family bereavements in a two year period - I recall seeing kindness from strangers, I recall laughing with my Dsis as we travelled to our other Dsis funeral - something just made us laugh - it was cathartic, I recall not giving a flying fig if anyone "not with us" was in the procession, I recall nothing about having flags or lights on

OP - you were respectful and clearly kindhearted. I hope you're feeling better but please know you did nothing wrong.

Yes, WillLokireturn, there clearly are some unkind, inconsiderate and self-absorbed posters who don't employ critical thinking skills. Yes there certainly are. They are the same type who refuse to cede a single point, and who refuse to see all their 'points' and 'tips' were soundly rebutted. They hope by saying the same things, people will forget they were corrected and rebutted over and over and over again.

Well said myrtleWilson. I think some people like to troll or argue for the sake of arguing even when it is clear they lost any argument a long time ago.

There's clearly some unpleasant Posters on here enjoying misquoting other people. Shame on you.

think it is unreasonable to expect to follow in a single procession and if you start with that expectation then it may be very dangerous because you will not be paying enough attention to normal traffic at roundabouts and junctions because all your focus will be on staying behind the car in-front.

Exactly! It is dangerous, and foolish for everyone to think everyone in front of them knows the way. What ever happened to personal responsibility, to finding out where the service is, and finding out how to get there? When did using maps become a dying art? Common sense says you would find out where the place is, because you will almost certainly get separated from the line of cars. So it's your responsibility to get directions.

If you don’t know where you are going get directions before setting off!

Unfortunately common sense is no longer common anymore. People expect to follow others and hope those in front know where they're going.

There's clearly some unpleasant Posters on here enjoying misquoting other people.

Yes, there certainly is. Shame on them.

Just to put the record straight, i don't think I made a mistake as such as I couldn't have possibly known where the procession ended, my aibu was really about if I had a right to feel upset about being shouted at when I wasn't to know they were part of it. When I stopped I looked at the coffin and sat there feeling incredibly sad at first, thinking about my dad, just letting the line of people pull out, then looked over to where the end of the line was and saw other cars building up behind it. When I let the last car through who I believed was initially at the back, that's when I started slowly edging forwards as I then couldnt see how far back it went and as it was a residential road I had no way of knowing where the cars had come from. Of course I felt awful when the woman rudely shouted at me that they were part of the funeral procession, but she acted as though it would have been obvious when it wasn't. Anyway, I've kind of made peace with it now, so maybe you should all too. Thank you again for those who have taken the time to reply.

You definitely had a right to feel upset. I doubt very much anyone would have a procession of more than 5 cars, let alone 10, let alone 11+. That's just taking the piss and I doubt that woman was in the funeral parade, she just wanted to go. There are no tips, there are no indicators normally. There is no way of knowing, unless you have a sash on the cars. As I said though, 11+ cars is really taking piss. I doubt the PM would get that many cars. No one would expect that you would see that many. No one.

YANBU - for all the reasons stated. She was wrong to shout at you and being bereaved is really no excuse. Well done for not shouting back though

Thank you Sara xx

Thank you Guava xx

We are talking about a funeral here. No one has condoned the lady who shouted at OP. OK & others asked how they might have known and several PPs made suggestions to look out for. This thread has become rather bullying and unneccesary, when PPs have merely answered others requests, with their experience of what might give a procession away. It's not a topic that ought attract any lack of kindness, and thought for others, in posting

I hope MNHQ come along soon with a 'be kind ' reminder, I've certainly asked them to.

Disagreeing with you is not bullying

And you haven't explained how you expect people to follow 'etiquette' that they've never heard of.

You should've shown respect and waited. It would've been obvious who was part of the funeral. If this has shaken you, then you really need to sort yourself out

Or you could RTFT MissLadyM

How would it have been obvious then Miss Lady?

@WillLokireturn And yet few cars have their lights on during the day, so I'd respectfully disagree with you.

In the UK, daytime running lights, that cannot be switched off, have been compulsory on all new cars sold.....for the last 8 years.

If you're a driver and you haven't noticed this, you really should get to an optician pronto.

It sometimes amazes me that people comment without READING THE WHOLE THREAD do they do that in real life just chime in without knowing what HAS gone on??

THanks for making me feel shit again miss lady, hope you're pleased with yourself for knocking someone down. Much like the lady who shouted at me. Perhaps go back and read all my posts before being so blummin judgemental!

Well we all know who MissLady M is !