Just been shouted out by funeral party...

[Pinklady1982]

Aibu to be feeling really upset by this? I was just driving along and a funeral car pulled out slowly from a turning. They had about 10 cars behind it which were possibly all part of the party, so I slowed down and let a load of cars through. Now this was a residential road and I could see some other cars had joined the back of the queue. I started easing forward a bit as if I kept waiting there letting all the cars out I would be there ages and needed to get home, also I wasn't to know if they were all part of the funeral. I had right of way as they were in a side turning, but sat there patiently for a while. Well this lady then rolls down her window and starts shouting at me! Saying they are part of the funeral party and could I not see that. I explained that I had let about 10 cars go and wasn't to know who was part of the party and who wasn't. She just shouted at me to get out of the way very loudly and rudely and pulled out. I just put my window up and pulled over as I felt a bit shaken. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable anyway at the moment and I hate confrontation. I know that at these times emotions will be heightened, but was I really in the wrong here? They were going to then be pulling out onto a main road where I'm sure they would be seperated by other cars, so you can't all expect to stay together surely?

It's news to me ( and I'm 55) that a funeral procession ( Beyond that of hearse and limousines ) is a thing. I can't see why all the other cars who are going to a funeral aren't just cars going to a funeral. With a tuned in sat jab or map if needed. What a kerfuffle. As for hazard warning lights and going through red lights and with a police escort - who knew! I certainly didn't. And I wouldn't want it either.

WillLokireturn My mention of the motorway was to indicate I see LOTS of cars, and a high proportion have lights on in the daytime, so the idea that having headlights on was an indicator of a funeral is a non starter these days, especially in areas like mine. My car is from 2013, is a pretty basic model and has running lights, LEDs being cheap to run.

I am always respectful towards funerals, but you've been blethering on in this thread about 'indicators' and ignoring the posters who have asked you how to identify a funeral procession when these indicators are absent. And judging from replies, a lot of people are unaware of these 'indicators'.

So, quite frankly, FGS right back at you.

Twillow, well maybe you should read the full thread before posting... it wasn't intentional and there was no way of knowing where it ended. I did actually pull over after I was shouted at as I was a bit shaken. Don't be so judgemental over something you don't have the full story on

RTFT Twillow

I am a Romany gypsy and we come from miles around to support each other .
Funerals are important to us to show respect .

If it is a well known person we informed the police to let them know .

I think you need to let it pass. They were grieving. You didn't do it on purpose but grief makes people behave in strange ways at times. You won't feel anywhere near as upset at this time as they will be having been to that funeral today. Chin up xx

@Twillow you're a cunt.

Read the fucking thread, the op is clearly a lovely person who DID the right thing and let the funeral party out. Are you really so thick and judgmental or have you jumped in without reading the full thread? 

This was a funeral hanger-on in a normal, unmarked car wearing pink fucking top spouting vile hate from a filthy potty mouth ffs.

Perhaps she was one of these grief hangers on who enjoy making a death all about them as they get to feel important for a little while.

I agree with this ^

Nice people don't behave like her, she was foul and completely in the wrong. Completely lacking in any intelligence, how would anyone know where she was going?!

@Pinklady1982 You sound lovely and I hope you're able to forget this horrible woman and be happy in the knowledge you are not her.

I'll refer to my vast funeral experience again here. I have Never been to a funeral where there are ribbons, flags or any other kind of indicator that you're part of the procession. You have the funeral cars at the front, a slow drive from the funeral home to the main road and then normal speed the rest of the way there. Roundabouts, traffic lights and junctions will inevitably split up all but the funeral cars and nobody, but nobody I know has verbally abused someone who cut in or otherwise.

Yes, you should try to be respectful and mindful that the people following may be grieving. But the thing is, for everyone else, the world doesn't stop turning. We want it to, my god do we want it to. When my dad died the most simple things like seeing the postman knocking next door and roadworks being carried out on my street made me irrationally angry. Did these people not know that the light of my life, my faithful, reliable, kind and wonderful dad had just left this earth forever? How dare they dig up the street where I live and carry on delivering bills and junk mail, when I'm trying to keep my grief in check so my children don't have to see me crying every minute of every day. But then I gathered myself and remembered, the rest of the world didn't know my dad. They didn't know that he was the glue that held our family together, and that now he was gone we were all lost. Their lives were unchanged. And I didn't let my grief allow me to act in a shitty way to anybody else. Rather I think it made me kinder, and more forgiving.

So again, OP, YWNBU.

She shouted at you out of her window whilst she was in the middle of a funeral procession? Classy.

She was grieving and not thinking straight.

Or maybe she is just a rude, unpleasant twat.

I was not to know they were part of it.

I believe you! As if you'd deliberately sandwich yourself in the middle and f a funeral procession.
YWNBU

If I was grieving I would be far more upset by another person in my cortege yelling at someone than by another driver doing something which could (as far as I would know in that situation) be accidental, could be because they are dealing with an emergency of their own and at very worst is somewhat discourteous.
I have been in a car in a long cortege, trying to keep together and find our way to the crematorium through the Sheffield one way system, my dad driving (it was his mum that had died).
It was stressful and we didn't manage to stay together but I don't remember anyone taking it out on the other drivers, who had no way of knowing what was going on.

I would have waited and let all the cars go. On the plus side at least you weren’t like the twat who bibbed and swore at me before pulling onto the pavement to overtake me while I waited for the accompanying limo to pull out behind the hearse.
Don’t worry about it, every one gets shouted at sometimes when they don’t deserve it. It’s not the end of the world.

Bereaved or not no need to behave that way.
Unacceptable and I bet ya that woman is always an arse.
Unfortunately those type dont suddenly adopt another persona at a funeral

YANBU. Sounds like she's usually a rude cow. I remember being in the family car directly behind the hearse and the thing that I kept saying looking out was "how is everyone just going on like nothing has happened when my world has just ripped apart" but it didn't give me an excuse to be unnecessarily nasty.

You made a mistake op and the woman was out of line to shout like that.

I do think other drivers should let the cars following the hearse go past, but obviously it's not always easy to tell when it's the end of the line.

My parents went to a funeral somewhere they weren't familiar with. They got separated from the funeral cars then had to try and catch up when the lights changed. They got to the church and only once the service had started did they realise they were at the wrong funeral

They'd joined on the back of a different procession.

Do not give this any more headspace OP. She shouldn't have shouted at you and you let a load of cars out. You can't possibly wait for the whole load to go, especially if you don't know who's in it and who isn't and you were presumably blocking the road by waiting too.

YANBU. Our Crem is on a main busy road. If we followed that ridiculous woman's rules the road would become a horrific nightmare. Grieving or not she doesn't get to behave like that.

No point in arguing with those that can't take a moment to apply logic to the whole picture and want to argue minor issues.

Like you.

@Twillow you're an idiot. It's only a line of cars following a hearse not a three line whip for everything else in the immediate vicinity to grind to a halt and if people are worried about getting lost they should sat nav the cemetery/crematorium.

YANBU. I'm sure you are very respectful under normal circumstances. How could you know they were all part of the procession unless their car was festooned with black ribbons?

But bear in mind the woman may have been in a very wound up emotional state so it wouldn't have taken much. In the scheme of things it won't have made her day much worse than it was already. You might have done her a favour actually, you provided her with an outlet.

Now forget about it.

PPs are getting caught up in one indicator and ignoring the wealth of other indicators, (also not most cars in my area have lights on during the day).

If I can spot funeral progression cars and have done so since childhood, then I doubt I am special. My colleagues and friends can. Didn't know that some MNers find it so hard as the biggest indicator is they are trying to follow the funeral procession !!!

What if the funeral was on a rainy day? Most cars will have their lights on in the rain.
As for people trying to follow the procession, well sometimes CF drivers just try and take advantage to push their way out into the traffic. This lady could just have been trying it on, she might not have been in the funeral procession at all. I also think giving way to 10 cars is reasonable, sure the OP could have let the 11th one out as a nice gesture, and then the 12th, 13th , 14th etc. She might still be stuck there now. If you had to give every car the benefit of the doubt in that situation you might never get moving. OP you did nothing wrong, don't give it another thought.

I would have waited and let all the cars go up to what point? Was OP supposed to wait all day just in case?

I wish people would stop saying OP made a mistake, she did fuck all wrong

I've never heard of cars putting their lights on to follow a funeral procession. But then to be honest I've never heard of cars being part of the funeral procession at all, apart from the one or two limos following behind the walking mourners

This. I've been to loads of funerals of work colleagues, family, old family friends. I've never known anyone other than the hearse and 1 or 2 limousines to be part of any procession. It wouldn't cross my mind that any other cars were part of something or should be let out.

Well done @MulticolourMophead.
So, quite frankly, FGS right back at you.

Well done you for believing you have proved a minor random point irrelevant to this thread. Of your own making about motorway traffic and LED lights: and struggled to read the full thread which said many ways you might suspect they are trying to follow funeral as a procession of cars, in context of what you observe. And to be extra patient, more observant & give benefit of the doubt in case it's their worst day ever, as it won't be yours.

Of course if you're terribly busy, who cares eh? I mean all that many PPs have said, is to try to have a bit of humanity. I havent argued with OP. Of course you haven't disagreed with that?! Of course not.

I do despair of some MNers who don't engage their critical thinking nor kindness first, before posting petty points.

I think it is unreasonable to expect to follow in a single procession and if you start with that expectation then it may be very dangerous because you will not be paying enough attention to normal traffic at roundabouts and junctions because all your focus will be on staying behind the car in-front. I say this as a catholic who has attended my fair share of massive funerals where everyone pitches up to the grave. I have also never once been given directions about my lights or been told I have any special right of way.

Most crematoriums and graveyards are now a significant distance from churches along busy roads and the Highway Code applies at every junction.

If you don’t know where you are going get directions before setting off!

Now lots of people will show respect by giving way but it is not a right and the truth of the matter is lots of people are oblivious to a long procession being part of a funeral.