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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone like their MIL?!

237 replies

cinnamoned · 22/08/2019 14:06

A bit lighthearted really, I get the impression that many people on here can’t stand their MILs and I was just thinking, if my DH thought those things about my mother, or didn’t want my mother to come for Christmas, I would be upset. So I suppose I always said I would be kind to my MIL from the get go.

AIBU to ask if anyone actually gets on with their MIL?

I do but then again, MIL, DHs Ex wife and I go on city breaks around Europe 2/3 times a year together so I’m quite odd Grin

OP posts:
londonloves · 22/08/2019 16:57

I don't like my MIL. She's a sanctimonious, judgemental, irritating, not very bright, wafty anti-vas pain in the arse.
My mother is also pretty awful in some other ways so if my DH disliked her I wouldn't blame him, but she does a lot to help us and we pick our battles.
Extended families are complicated.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/08/2019 17:07

Ex MIL - hell no. She had a real Jocasta complex thing going on.

Current MIL - I love her to bits. We've had rough moments, have butted heads, etc but she's more like a mother to me than my own mother. She's the first to offer help when needed and will be there if you ask while still respecting space and personal boundaries. She realised her attempts at telling her family together when bil wasn't interested fell harshly on dh and stopped it off her own bat. She knows we all have positives and negatives so doesn't focus solely on one side. She's quite awesome most of the time. I'd like to be like MIL when I grow up Grin

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/08/2019 17:08

*gelling not telling

formerbabe · 22/08/2019 17:13

I don't dislike her. I barely know her. I've never met someone so disinterested in their children and grandchildren in my whole life. It baffles me. I long for one of the interfering busybody types I read about on here.

theWarOnPeace · 22/08/2019 17:17

Does anyone like their MIL?!

Mine’s a nasty bitch. She treats my DH like shit and has no interest in our children. I can say it on here as it’s anonymous, but I won’t give a shit when she dies. She brings nothing to the world apart from nasty and mean spirited actions and words. I hate seeing her, the way she treats my husband makes me feel like crying. He just lets her as he doesn’t want to make it worse, and thinks she’s too old to change etc etc. We love our lives as a separate atmosphere to her, seeing her we almost put on MIL hats and suck it up for a couple of hours. If we lived nearer I’d still limit to a couple of hours a year as I wouldn’t inflict her misery into my children.

theWarOnPeace · 22/08/2019 17:19

formerbabe mine too! Literally zero interest. Minus interest! She has no idea what their birthdays are, their schooling, what they like, has never asked to see them or been interested when we’ve brought them to spend time around her. Now they’re bigger we’ve given up forcing them on her. She forgot about one of them once!

ImNotYourGranny · 22/08/2019 17:19

I love mine. She drives me up the wall sometimes as I'm sure I do to her, but overall we get on well. She always comes on holiday with us.

stitchwitch84 · 22/08/2019 17:19

I love my MiL! She’s an absolute darling, and she bought me two rose plants for my first birthday as part of the family which has permanently sealed my approval of her and my SFIL 😄

DH has just politely said that he likes his MiL too. I concur that she’s alright, though she does have her moments 😆

BridgetJonesDaiquiri · 22/08/2019 17:21

My MIL is really lovely and would do anything for anyone, but consequently she can be a little intense at times. The problem is that I'm v close to my DM and jealousy sometimes raises its head particularly with respect to seeing our DD, even though DH and I always try to equitable with our time (see each set of parents at least once a month, both sets come to us for Xmas etc).

formerbabe · 22/08/2019 17:24

@theWarOnPeace

Yep, same. Has no idea when their birthdays are. Would never send a card or get a gift. Couldn't name their schools. My oh went years without even speaking to her. No falling out...she just doesn't seem to care. He tries to stay in touch and arrange seeing her but she always cancels. I honestly don't think she'd care if she never saw any of us ever again.

LadyRannaldini · 22/08/2019 17:24

she drives me completely crazy at times.

Maybe you drive her crazy at times too.

theWarOnPeace · 22/08/2019 17:24

Trying to learn from some of these lovely ones, for 10+ years down the line. I know I’ll never be nasty like my MIL, but interesting to see what’s considered the ideal standard!

Labassecour · 22/08/2019 17:35

Mine and I am mid-40s, and have known her since a teenager does not have the slightest interest in me. She doesn't know what I do for a living, even approximately when my birthday is or what my interests in life are. I don't impinge on her world at all. As far as she's concerned I'm just some random foreign element her son inexplicably chose to marry. Nothing I do 'codes' as real for her -- it's possible that if I were a SAHM to several children, lived close by and went to the supermarket with her on Friday mornings and to the bingo, she would see me as real.

I say this in the context of visiting her in our home country regularly with DH, talking to her with DS on Skype, trekking back there for Christmas annually etc etc.

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 22/08/2019 17:52

ive been with my partner 20 years,hm 17,me 18(not married as ive not interest)

since day 1 shes been like a 2nd mother,ive never had 1 issue from her as a mil or a grandmother

she knows/knew not to try it anyway as im a take no shit of anyone type of person but shes never ever put a foot wrong

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/08/2019 18:01

I was kind to mine and I'm glad I was as she died unexpectedly at the beginning of the year. It's really sad as we were only just getting to know each other really well.

foxtiger · 22/08/2019 18:03

I know people who do. I used to find mine quite irritating, but she's very old now and not in the best of health and I find that I'm the one actually defending her when DH thinks she's being a bit too demanding.

SpeedyShutter · 22/08/2019 18:03

Mine is kind, helpful, supportive and easy to talk to. She isn't overly invested in dh or our dc and doesn't interfere or try to take over. She's the kind of m.i.l. I'd hope to be in the future.

whattodowith · 22/08/2019 18:06

My MIL is quite unbearable but that isn’t purely because she is my MIL, my DH finds her suffocating too. She’s extremely loud and obnoxious with a shrill voice. My DH has never really liked her so we keep her at arms length.

Saladd0dger · 22/08/2019 18:07

Mines lovely. Ex MiL is also lovely and I still see her

GPatz · 22/08/2019 18:08

Yes, my MIL and I get along fabulously, as she's never, ever overstepped boundaries. She sees her Grandchildren frequently (as does FIL) and they dote on her. Unless she has a personality overhaul, I can't see any reason why we should not continue to respect and love each other. She's great.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 22/08/2019 18:17

So someone upthread said that Dils who don’t like their Mils are hard work and someone else mentioned me in questioning whether I’d be considered difficult as I described my Mil (accurately 😂) as Racist, snide, sexist, bitter and downright nasty. To Everyone.

Look... shitty people will always be someone’s mum, Mil, Dil, or dad, Fil, Bil etc. Shitty people are disliked because of their behaviour not their familial relationship to you

She told ME that my family should all be “sent back” to Europe (we’re British but ancestors or something negates birthright🤔) or that my DD isn’t really family because she’s adopted, or gets all homophobic knowing our BFFs are a lovely lesbian couple, who accuses me of having an affair (it was driving lessons 🙄) and doesn’t care when disasters happen in “brown countries” because “it’s not like there isn’t enough of them”. That person is on my shit list regardless of their familial standing.

She’s on hubbys shit list too. 😂

So .... if it makes me a difficult dil because I call out her vile behaviour, that’s bloody brilliant and I will own it, wear the T-Shirt and run the local DIfficult Dils chapter😂
Just being a Mil doesn’t earn anyone a free “act like a cunt and get away with it” pass.

If you have, or are a Good Mil, then more power to you and thank your lucky stars if you’re blessed to know them. If it’s any consolation I love my mates Mil ... but she’s a decent human being! 👍😜

Dinosauraddict · 22/08/2019 18:37

Even my DH says that I lost out on the MIL prize. Not that she actually bothered to raise my DH, he was taken into care for serious abuse and neglect, so the level of shit I give about her opinions is v v v v low!!

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2019 18:41

Some mils are vile.
The point Mumsnet seems to ignore is that so are some dils!

BlueSuffragette · 22/08/2019 18:48

Mine didn't have any daughters of her own. She was my MIL for 21 years and I loved her. She always treated me like the daughter she never had. Sadly she died last year and I miss her.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 22/08/2019 18:56

I do, in fact we're going on holiday together next week! I often say not entirely joking that I get on better with her than with my own mother.