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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anyone like their MIL?!

237 replies

cinnamoned · 22/08/2019 14:06

A bit lighthearted really, I get the impression that many people on here can’t stand their MILs and I was just thinking, if my DH thought those things about my mother, or didn’t want my mother to come for Christmas, I would be upset. So I suppose I always said I would be kind to my MIL from the get go.

AIBU to ask if anyone actually gets on with their MIL?

I do but then again, MIL, DHs Ex wife and I go on city breaks around Europe 2/3 times a year together so I’m quite odd

OP posts:

Furrydogmum · 22/08/2019 14:46

I like my MIL well enough, don't see her very often though. Her MIL (DH's Grandma) is a corker of a MIL and dementia had made her worse poor old thing - heart of gold but strong and politically incorrect opinions!

Weathermonger · 22/08/2019 14:46

Mine refused to attend our wedding, she considered me a heathen who would ruin her son's life. For the first few years of marriage she pretended I didn't exist. That was 30 years ago, but now we have a very warm and loving relationship and she is my biggest fan.

funmummy48 · 22/08/2019 14:48

My MIL was lovely & carried on being my MIL even when I divorced her son. I've missed her very much since she passed away and do my best to emulate her in my relationship with my DIL.

Kismett · 22/08/2019 14:48

I really liked my ex-MIL. Then my ex cheated on me and we got divorced and I realized it doesn’t matter what sort of relationship you think you have. It really hurt to have her turn on me like that.

Current MIL is okay, sometimes wonderful and sometimes not. I think I have a different perspective now though.

GoneWishing · 22/08/2019 14:51

I get along with mine okay. I used to attempt to like her. I think I even did like her in the beginning. Nothing major has come between us, but as I've got older I'm no longer as eager to please or try to change myself to suit others' views, I suppose. We are very different people, and without DH would never have had to deal with each other to this extent.

Plus in her old age she has lost most of her memory (for actual medical reasons; I'm not being glib) and gone from a very tolerant leftie to loving Farage and denying she ever held any other kinds of views. She no longer likes having a suspiciously foreign DIL. But we rub along when we have to.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 22/08/2019 14:51

Yes I like mine.

We have an unconventional set up.
I have been divorced from my abusive ex for 3 years now. During the latter part of our marriage he made it very, very difficult for me and our sons to maintain a relationship with both sides of the family, as well as friendships.

He is estranged from all his family.

Since the divorce I've been able to re-kindle relationships and now things are mostly great and the boys see their grandparents a great deal.

TBH, welcoming friends and family into my home and lives has been one of the best aspects of the stupid twat not living here.

lau888 · 22/08/2019 14:53

I used to like mine. However, understandably, she's chosen to pick sides in the divorce. Nothing quite so strong as a mom's love, whatever your child has done. Under the same circumstances... I guess I could probably do the same, despite what I'm going through myself.

doskant · 22/08/2019 14:53

@BillywigSting My MIL is the same. You could be the best person in the world but she’ll still hate you. The stupid thing is, my DH saw his mother MORE after meeting me because it was at my insistence. I was really happy to move closer to her and establish a relationship so pulled out all the stops to do so. I would have thought she would be happy and not feel I was taking him away. Instead she made everything so unpleasant she drove me away. As planned, I suspect. Only I guess she didn’t expect her son to follow me. One of my life’s saddest and most unnecessary lose-lose situations.

NerrSnerr · 22/08/2019 14:53

Mine really does not like that I work and I use childcare (she sees it as just me using childcare, not my husband as that's not his job). She thinks I'm terrible because my husband cooks tea and I don't iron his clothes. She can fuck off.

Luxembourgmama · 22/08/2019 14:54

Me! I loved my exes Mum too no clue how she raised such a monster.

Aquathest · 22/08/2019 14:55

I would have loved to have a good relationship with my MIL. I have a wonderful relationship with my own DM and DH is very close to my DM too. My MIL is a selfish narcissistic bitch. My DH was constantly on the end of emotional blackmail from her when we first started her relationship and I was (still am) the evil witch who took her precious child away. The sad thing for me is that my DC are now seeing this too so not only is she a shit mother and MIL but she is also a shit GM... no redeeming qualities at all!

Aria2015 · 22/08/2019 14:56

We’re not close but we get on well enough and I like her and appreciate her. The reason for the lack of closeness is simply that she's very private so we’ve never connected on a deeper level but that's fine and it doesn't affect me liking her.

Vasya · 22/08/2019 14:57

I absolutely love mine, she's a gem. Just a genuinely nice, thoughtful, loving, kind person.

Usernamewillautodestrustin · 22/08/2019 14:57

My DH loves my DM, but then I think it is because she is so opposite to his DM. MIL is controlling and manipulative, tried to make my DH choose between her and me on the day I had my second DD. (Basically she was stuck for a lift in the middle of town and called him 8 times whilst I was having my Csection).

I was very kind and caring to her when we first met, but over the years she has slowly eroded my desire to want to be close to her. She is a dragon and I am very happy that I only have to tolerate her once a month.

Chanandlersbong · 22/08/2019 15:00

I love my MIL to bits. She's such a lovely person and the most amazing GM to our DC's.

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2019 15:00

I don’t like mine much. But dp and the dcs do- and that’s what matters.

stanski · 22/08/2019 15:01

Mine is lovely!

clucky3 · 22/08/2019 15:01

I tolerate mine, no more than that.

OllyBJolly · 22/08/2019 15:02

Love mine.

bruffin · 22/08/2019 15:02

Mine was lovely, we lost DM and DMIL within a year, miss both of them so much.

Chocolateandamaretto · 22/08/2019 15:06

I like and respect my mil - neither of us is perfect, and sometimes our temperaments clash a bit, but generally we get along well. She is also a brilliant mum and all her children love her dearly, so I try not to always dismiss her when I don’t agree as she’s clearly done something right!

Crunchymum · 22/08/2019 15:09

I don't just like her, I love her.

She is kind, warm, funny, considerate and I enjoy spending time with her as a friend.

As a MIL she respects boundaries, is non judgemental, never interfers. She is very involved in my kids lives (she has them 3 days a week so I can work) and they have a very close bond with both her and my FIL both are retired, MIL retired quite young though

She understands me and never pushes me or criticises me.

She is a true gem and I'd be lost without her.

herculepoirot2 · 22/08/2019 15:12

Sometimes I do.

I think there’s an inherent potential for conflict in that relationship, though. The dislike is common for a reason.

RachelEllenR · 22/08/2019 15:14

Mine is wonderful, involved but not interfering, treats all of us with so much kindness and love. I couldn't be luckier with my parents in law. My husband likes my parents too.

Mabelface · 22/08/2019 15:17

My ex mil was a lovely woman. She had dementia sadly and I'm unlikely to see her again as we live so far apart and relations with other family members are difficult.

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