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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone like their MIL?!

237 replies

cinnamoned · 22/08/2019 14:06

A bit lighthearted really, I get the impression that many people on here can’t stand their MILs and I was just thinking, if my DH thought those things about my mother, or didn’t want my mother to come for Christmas, I would be upset. So I suppose I always said I would be kind to my MIL from the get go.

AIBU to ask if anyone actually gets on with their MIL?

I do but then again, MIL, DHs Ex wife and I go on city breaks around Europe 2/3 times a year together so I’m quite odd Grin

OP posts:
MetalMidget · 22/08/2019 14:30

I love mine, she's an amazing woman (and my father-in-law is fantastic too). I wish we saw more of them, but they live nearly 200 miles away.

MsTSwift · 22/08/2019 14:31

Nope. We have different views on pretty much everything. She believes reading fiction is a waste of time and the only time I have seen her happy is hearing about other people’s holiday disasters. She is very very negative.

On the plus side she brought up 2 lovely sons and lives 4 hours drive away. She is also undemanding which is good

Lurkeycakewoman · 22/08/2019 14:31

She doesnt bother me. I assume she doesnt like me she doesnt have time for my kids like she does her other grandkids and makes it massively obvious sometimes. But I dont loose sleep over it I speak to her when I see her we live close by. My husband doesnt bother with her very much either he spends more time with his dad (their divorced)

LaLoba · 22/08/2019 14:31

@doskant “That’s all it boils down to though, isn’t it. Mutual respect. If that isn’t there there is no chance, sadly.”
Completely agree, if the other person won’t try, you can’t fix it for two people.

@blackpinkinyourarea Are you my SIL? That description sounds familiar, my sympathies to you.

Pineappleofmyeye · 22/08/2019 14:33

I love mine she is brilliant.

ThinkGlow · 22/08/2019 14:33

I really respect my MIL, I definitely feel a great deal of affection for her.

But...I can only enjoy her company in small doses. She interrupts a lot, repeats the same information and has very old fashioned views.

AwdBovril · 22/08/2019 14:35

No. She's a manipulative old cowbag who's not above using & upsetting DD (7) to get her own way.

Jeremybearimybaby · 22/08/2019 14:35

Something that made me sad recently was when DH was discharged from hospital after an operation. MIL said she wasn't going to crowd us, and she'd leave us be so he could get well in peace. I told her, in no uncertain terms, to come round and see her son, whenever she liked, and not to be so silly! She looked really relieved, and came round that same night, as I'd have fully expected her to do! If she was an overbearing ogre, I doubt I'd be so agreeable, but if my son had just been in hospital, I'm sure I'd want to see him! I don't know where on earth she got the idea she had to stay away, and I've made a point of saying she's welcome any time/inviting her round!

FetchezLaVache · 22/08/2019 14:36

I'm on my second and I love her as much as I did the first! I realise that I have been very lucky, though.

AvengerDanvers95 · 22/08/2019 14:37

My MIL is nice enough, I wouldn't choose her company if I weren't married to her son and I bite my tongue a fair bit (her ideas are not mine) but she means well and tries hard and she is very good to the DC.

Mintjulia · 22/08/2019 14:38

I’ve had two MILs.
One was the loveliest, kindest person I have ever met. The other was the most vindictive spiteful malicious hate-filled person I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

So evens at the moment. Smile I don’t intend to have a third MIL.

Original poster
cinnamoned · 22/08/2019 14:38

@Gobbolinocat

I don’t think it’s that simple, if my mum was nasty to DH, I would not expect him to see her or give her the time of day. However, she’s still my mum so of course I would love and visit her. You can’t pick one or the other with family.

OP posts:
Rainbowknickers · 22/08/2019 14:40

I adore mine
She is always there for me
Never judges
Always supportive
And just the best mil ever
My own mother?
I hope she rots in hell

Original poster
cinnamoned · 22/08/2019 14:40

@Jeremybearimybaby You sound so lovely. I hope my DDs treat their MILs like you do and I hope DS will give me a DIL like you Smile

OP posts:
IWouldPreferNotTo · 22/08/2019 14:41

I like my mother in law. We don't speak the same language but we manage pretty well and I'm learning and she makes and effort to use simple sentences.

She's incredibly helpful with looking after our baby although I think my wife sometimes gets annoyed with the pair of us as we're a bit more relaxed and will wind her up a bit.

MoaningMinnie1 · 22/08/2019 14:42

I liked mine, quite miss her now. She was a good person and quite courageous in the way she coped with illness towards the end, considering how timid she was.

LakieLady · 22/08/2019 14:42

My MIL is lovely, but I've gone off her a bit since she voted for Brexit. Grin

She's a Labour voter and not the stereotypical "gammon" type at all, so I was a bit Hmm when she was delighted by the referendum result. However, now that her solution to the Irish border problem is that "We can all go back to being one country, like we used to be" and her general position on possible post-Brexit ills is that "We'll be fine, we managed ok in the war", I really wonder if I overestimated her judgment.

She also thinks that all the concern about availability of time-limited medications is scaremongering. DP's son is type 1 diabetic, so we're hoping she's right.

Deadringer · 22/08/2019 14:42

I really like mine. We are very different people but we get on well, and she is very good to the DC.

thegreylady · 22/08/2019 14:42

MiL 1 was dead before I married dh1
MiL 2 was lovely, sadly her ds died before she did but we always got on
MiL 3 was also lovely but very old (over90) when we met and she became rather confused about who I was.

MoominKitty · 22/08/2019 14:43

I love mine, we are quite similar in our sense of humour and likes though. My DP isn't fond of my mother though but with good reason, but he doesn't make a big deal of it and we are LC anyway.

Ski4130 · 22/08/2019 14:43

I like mine, she's really lovely. She annoys me only so much as my own mum does on occasion, so it's all good.

BillywigSting · 22/08/2019 14:44

I don't like mine but only because she quite openly neither likes or approves of me (nor has she liked or approved of any of dp's exs or any of sil's boyfriends /partners so I don't take it too personally).

Dp has a backbone now and has put her in her place when she's been acting like a spoilt brat and she generally behaves herself now. She has the odd moment but so does my own mum (who also gets firmly but gently put in her place when she crosses a line).

I wish I had my friends mum for a mil. If he ever finds a husband said husband will be a lucky man! She's one of the loveliest women I've ever met and treats all her children in law with love and respect (because she trusts her actual children's judgement on decent partners)

Robin2323 · 22/08/2019 14:45

@Chirico
Good post.
I've started being super nice to my adult children's mates/partners (only 1 seriously courting out the 4)
I want to have contact with any grandchildren :)

user1480880826 · 22/08/2019 14:45

Yes, I love mine. She’s kind, considerate and a brilliant grandmother.

PersianStar · 22/08/2019 14:46

Mines a lovely lady and would do anything for us but we are 2 very different personalities.
We would never be friends in real life but now we’ve got DD she wants to try and force a friendship with me. I set boundaries that she regularly oversteps but I know it comes from a good place because that’s how all her family is. But all in all I want her to have a good relationship with DD so arrange days to see her.
I actually have a very over bearing and possessive FIL who can’t bear for someone else to have DDs attention for more than a minute, regularly speaks (shouts) loudly so that DD wakes up from her nap when he’s there and generally makes comments about lack of contact (twice a week) so it seems it’s more about the person sometimes than generic MIL bashing.