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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP is being a bit ridiculous

157 replies

DeadSouth · 21/08/2019 20:05

My DP hates me walking about the house in a vest and underwear, we have a taxi rank directly across from our house but a good enough distance that they wouldn’t see into the house clearly. We have big windows but no air con so particularly on these hot days I just cannot force myself into pj’s trousers with this heat.
He says clothes are respectful and does follow this himself and wouldn’t even answer the door for post without a shirt on but I’m not answering the door I’m just chilling out.
Maybe I should just wear the damned trousers and quit fighting him on it..
My legs just love the freedom 😂

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 22/08/2019 07:43

OP don't go running out to buy shorts just because a few stuffy people tell you to. It's your home and your choice what to wear when in it.

ElizaDee · 22/08/2019 09:20

@QueefLatifah Wed 21-Aug-19 23:34:12
@ElizaDee
What is wrong with pants and a vest exactly?? Why do her legs need to be covered up

They wouldn't, if she had nets or blinds. It's the fact that she has no window coverings and is in a busy place, with a taxi rank opposite.

Inappropriatefemale · 22/08/2019 10:26

My ex used to be like this when I walked about naked and we lived on the 3rd bloody floor so nobody could see in!

user1493759849 · 22/08/2019 11:33

@QueefLatifah

What is wrong with pants and a vest exactly?? Why do her legs need to be covered up...?

@ElizaDee

They wouldn't, if she had nets or blinds. It's the fact that she has no window coverings and is in a busy place, with a taxi rank opposite.

Don't forget the second (or was it THIRD) drip feed, where the OP said the men in the taxi rank would need binoculars to see her Wink

Seriously every time someone challenges what she says, she throws in a 'yeah but...,' and changes the story a bit.

People (men OR women) walking around the lounge in their pants and vest, in full view of people outside, is just plain weird. And as a few posters have said, even if people cannot see you, it's still sloppy and lazy.

Must be a class thing too, because I don't know any middle-class, upper-middle-class, or upper-class people who walk around the house in their underpants and vest!

VERRRRY Waynetta! Grin

If MY DH did it, I would say 'Just get dressed for goodness sake! We're not on the set of Shameless!' Hmm

FreckledLeopard · 22/08/2019 11:38

Wear what you want. I frequently wander around my bedroom with no clothes on - if they neighbours see, then so be it (not sure they could actually see clearly as they're a good way across the street). I couldn't care less.

I loathe net curtains and wear what I want. DP doesn't bat an eyelid.

Just wear whatever you're comfortable in - sod anyone else.

Fizzypoo · 22/08/2019 11:44

I wear strappy tops and big knickers in my home quite a lot 🤷‍♀️ in winter I usually wear thick socks and have my dressing gown on.

Wear what you like, and the poshest members of my family are nudist! Not that you would ever guess from their very naice house, car, clothes and professional jobs.

messolini9 · 22/08/2019 12:08

even if people cannot see you, it's still sloppy and lazy.

ODFOD @user1493759849. As if sloppiness & laziness are ANYTHING to do with preferring to wear a perfectly decency-maintaining pair of boxers! Even if they were, as it's OP's home & not yours, it's not for you to dictate, is it?

As to the rest, are you being ironic, or just a goady fucker?
Must be a class thing too, because I don't know any middle-class, upper-middle-class, or upper-class people who walk around the house in their underpants and vest!

Then you must be hanging out with the Wrong Sort Of Toffs.
But thanks for airing your snobbery, it's always a useful gauge for assessing who's a pretentious bottom-feeder with a set of plastered-on airs & graces.

AriadneCrete · 22/08/2019 12:22

Your DP is definitely being unreasonable. It’s only a vest and knickers! He needs to be firmly told he can’t tell you what to wear. I also don’t own any shorts (I hate them), so I don’t think that’s a big deal either!

Rezie · 22/08/2019 12:29

I don't like it when my bf walks around the house in only underwear. But I also understand that it is my problem. For it is not about others seeing or anything. I get out of the shower naked and never close be curtains and pop around looking for stuff and then get dressed. Just the lounging in underwear is something I really don't like

Spingtrolls · 22/08/2019 13:05

What is so bad about walking around your own home dressed like this?

To think DP is being a bit ridiculous
Bowsy5 · 22/08/2019 13:17

Maybe he doesn't like seeing your body, maybe he doesn't want other people to be looking in the window seeing you scantily clad, maybe he thinks you're an exhibitionist. Who knows.

MountPheasant · 22/08/2019 13:19

Wear what you like OP! It’s your body, your home.

I walk around naked a lot, and when I don’t my pyjamas of choice are a vest and pants.

Ginnymweasley · 22/08/2019 13:27

Why is it a problem? I honestly don't understand. If she had a small pair of shorts on she would be showing almost the same amount of skin. She isn't naked. She isn't flashing the neighbours. After my ds was born I burned hot for months. I spent most of my time when I was home in vest tops and boxer shorts.
Why is it exhibitionist for a woman to wear what she wants in her own home? Shes not naked. If she was walking on a beach in her bikini that would be fine but in her own home it's not acceptable.

ElizaPancakes · 22/08/2019 13:40

There are times for being undressed or in underwear and other times - and places - when it is not appropriate

And one of those appropriate times is when you’re in your own home.

HauntedPinecone · 22/08/2019 13:51

It never ceases to amaze me just how many people think they can police what others wear in their own homes!

All the super helpful suggestions of buying 'appropriate' clothes and 'long-ish shorts' so as to not be revealing. Honestly, get to fuck!!

threemonthstogo · 22/08/2019 13:52

I don't think most people are disapproving - ok some - but most are saying that you might be more visible than you think.

I think you should wear what you want but if you - and I do mean you rather than your DP - would feel uncomfortable if you could be seen then you might want to do a test - get him to walk around in his pants and go and have a look from the other side of the road!

I have voile type things, not nets, and definitely wouldn't walk round with not much on without them but I am on the ground floor. I used to have no issue whatsoever with changing or whatever in front of an open window until I read the Jigsaw Man, by a leading forensic psychologist, and realized a lot of killers of women had picked their victims after observing them from outside!

But do what you want, honestly, I'm just saying don't assume you can't be seen, if it matters to you, if it doesn't then enjoy your pants!

HauntedPinecone · 22/08/2019 13:57

Oh my, I missed the sloppy and lazy post. Absolute gold! Grin

Novel idea; wear what you want in your home, I don't care if you get in from work and change into a taffeta ballgown, but get tae fuck with judgement about what other people wear in theirs.

messolini9 · 22/08/2019 14:04

Why is it exhibitionist for a woman to wear what she wants in her own home? Shes not naked. If she was walking on a beach in her bikini that would be fine but in her own home it's not acceptable.

Ha, good point @Ginnymweasley.

I can only guess - conformity & ownership.
Social conditioning tells us that women's bodies are to be ogled at, that they are public property, that it's ok to comment & speculate on them (looking at you, Daily Fail etc).
Also that at the beach, a bikini is the expected uniform. So that's ok - society accepts it - after all, society can see it, comment, speculate, own ... because the bikini'd body is there in front of it.

However, put on approx. 6 times a bikini volume of clothing coverage IN YOUR OWN HOME, & you must be accused of 'flaunting it'. Because ... how very DARE you take ownership of your own bod. You're not on a beach! We can't see you! We can't comment, speculate, own!

The number of posters telling OP she OUGHT to be wearing PJ's/crops/shorts/whatever proves the concept. They wouldn't tell her off for wearing a bikini (miniscule or not) on a public beach.
But they feel entitled to tick her off soundly for wearing boxers in HER OWN HOME - to the point of using the taxi office as a red herring to support the narrative that a woman MUST comply to a socially-constructed dress code at all times, & that her body & her clothing choices belong to the tickers-off, not the woman herself.

Seeking to 'correct' women for their own clothing choices is patronising, controlling, Gilead-esque bullshit, & when women start doing it to each other, theu're propping up a patriarchal narrative telling us that compliance is a required component of femininity.

Blimey. Time to clear off-screen for a bit before I blow up the internet with my own pomposity, but FFS - get real, sisters.

messolini9 · 22/08/2019 14:07

Aaaaw @HauntedPinecone, pretty much a cross-post.
Except yours is enviably succinct - & feckin' funny Wink

HauntedPinecone · 22/08/2019 14:15

Yours was worded far better messolini9 Grin

You can almost see the spittle-flecked annoyance dripping off the screen from mine Grin

Spingtrolls · 22/08/2019 14:57

Maybe he doesn't like seeing your body

Maybe she doesn't like his face, Should she suggest he walk around with a paper bag over it?

phoenixrosehere · 22/08/2019 14:58

I love your comment messolini9 and couldn’t agree more. I feel like my eyes have had a workout for the amount of eyerolls I did with some of these comments.

messolini9 · 22/08/2019 15:16

Maybe she doesn't like his face

thank you so much @Spingtrolls, I just chortled so hard m'face is still red

messolini9 · 22/08/2019 15:17

@phoenixrosehere, @HauntedPinecone

Ta, dolls: a pleasure & a privilege to post with you x

Luxembourgmama · 22/08/2019 15:19

He's being totally unreasonable. Your body your choice. my ex was the same hence he's an ex.

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