Would you tell the mother?

[Greggers2017]

My dd is approaching 12 and about to start secondary school. 2 days ago I saw a message on her locked phone screen from one of her friends saying she was going to meet somebody.
When I questioned my daughter she informed me that her friend was going to meet up with a boy she had been talking too online. The friend has never met him before. I spoke to my daughter and explained it is a very dangerous thing to do and that I will inform the friends Mum if she does go to meet him.
Daughter spoke to her friend later that day and informed me that friend had changed her mind.
Fast forward to Just now, another friend has told my dd that first friend is going to meet the boy tomorrow. Do I got and inform the mother even though I don't know her? I would want someone to come tell me.

Breck Bednar's mum very bravely came on Mumsnet once to talk about what happened to her lovely son, I think. I know a film was made to use in schools about it, to warn kids about grooming, and how insidious predators can be and how easily befriended.

I also remember a horrific case in the States of Alicia Kozakiewicz, a 13 year old who thought she was friends with a man who abducted and sexually tortured her. She was found because he boasted, with images, to the wrong person. She went through absolute hell but has, as an adult, dedicated herself to warning parents and teenagers of the risks. Again, there's a film, which according to Wiki is Emmy nominated so is presumably decent quality?

Incidentally, meeting people online is normal now - I imagine that most kids will do so. I wouldn't seek to discourage that in the teen years. I'd just seek to ensure that they understand that you meet in a public place, with a friend if older or parent if younger (even if at another table, and discreetly not making presence known). I'd rather my kids know the safety rules so they become second nature, in a world where literally over half of all dating relationships now are initiated online.

your daughter and friend would/should have received as a lesson in school that you never meet anybody online ...you tell an adult .. and they go with you to a public place.. it could all be innocent and fun but life is precious ..you tell.

I’d take this one step further and go instead myself as the mother and meet the “boy” and report him. Or tell his parents if he is indeed young.

Well done OP this was all too scary

There are age appropriate videos on the CEOP website

When my daughter was about 16 she arranged to meet a friend she met online, he was over from Australia.

She gave me the details and then looked at me, I then informed her I was coming too. She let out a sigh and told me how relieved she was!

If I wouldn't let a very sensible 16 year old go to meet someone she knew online and had pictures of, then a 12 year old certainly should not meet an online friend.

It might just be that this friend really wants someone to go with her but does not know how to ask?

@Jellybeansincognito yes there are safe ways - however at 12 years old they shouldn’t be doing it alone and shouldn’t be secretive about it! Another mum said earlier she’s gone with her son to meet online friends. I’d happily do the same. But this doesn’t sound right at all and I hope you aren’t encouraging 12 years olds to do this without parental support.

I’m assuming you didn’t see my second post @MoreCuddlesForMummy ?

Actually yes, I’m still rattling my head at that response to me tbh.

Yes tell her x

Well done op!

I would: she's a minor, you have a duty of care.

Find CEOP on line and that will have lots of information and videos. There used to be a good one showing a young girl taking to another teenager which is actually a man. Quite thought provoking. I’m guessing if yo put child protection online into you tube you should find it.
National online safety has some excellent information for parents over the possible dangers of game sites and social media sites.

Yes you have to tell.
But you might be surprised at the mother’s reaction.
My friend found out that her daughters friend was basically exposing herself online to a particular adult man - she’d ‘met’ him online - she was 11!
Friend was really worried about grooming and contacted the mum who basically told her it wasn’t true and to poke her nose out.

Please let us know how you get on ....take your daughter or at least her phone with you ....good luck jane

OP did tell the mother. Please RTFT.

Omg yes! Tell the parent immediately.

Just to add... My friend's daughter was in year 7 when my friend got a visit from the local police. They informed my friend that her daughter had been in contact with a 'known groomer' and took her phone away for evidence. My friend's daughter had arranged to meet this person (who had told her was in year 8 at a local school). She went to meet him but had brought a friend along and couldn't find him (she couldn't find him because he was completely different from his picture. And he wasn't expecting a friend to be with her) . They had made contact through Snapchat, because one of her friends had added him as a friend, and then told all her friends to add him too.
Frustratingly, as most of the communication had been by Snapchat there wasn't enough evidence for the police to do anything.
I find it completely terrifying.

This video by the NSPCC is a good one for demonstrating the impact of sharing things online:

And this one by CEOP isn't an easy one to watch but it's effective. Search for CEOP+Jigsaw+Becky if the link doesn't work: vimeo.com/71807752

I’ve seen Breck Bednar’s mother talk, it’s extremely harrowing but she speaks with such eloquence. She has a foundation set up in his name and goes into schools to talk it and support education of kids into online safety, lots of links here: www.breckfoundation.org/learningplaying-area.html

SE13Mummy. The Becky video is the one I meant.

I think also, groomers are manipulative. We need to make our children aware of this, meeting people you met online was quite a new thing when I was younger, I did meet up with a few people I met online- but I did it safely.

It’s definitely a hard balance between- yes it’s ok to make friends and
Although it’s ok to make friends, don’t let them manipulate you into meeting up. It needs to come from you first, if it doesn’t, there’s potentially something very wrong.
It will be drilled into my children not to give away any personal info online too.

I just think you can’t fully say to your child- you cannot meet up with people online, you’ll just get ignored, they think they know best.

It’s not something I’ll encourage, but staying safe will definitely be something I will encourage, if that means I have to allow her to meet someone online, at least I can control how that situation develops.

My children do talk to people online but they know that if they ever want to meet them I am happy to take them and supervise.

My Mum came with me to meet up with a boy who is now my dh. I never resented her for it, and neither does he. You did the right thing. Even a boy of 11 can turn out to be a molester/murderer.

I strongly recommend looking at this with your child online and circulation in school etc. It has age appropriate options in considered language www.thinkuknow.co.uk