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AIBU?

Would you tell the mother?

152 replies

Greggers2017 · 21/08/2019 12:03

My dd is approaching 12 and about to start secondary school. 2 days ago I saw a message on her locked phone screen from one of her friends saying she was going to meet somebody.
When I questioned my daughter she informed me that her friend was going to meet up with a boy she had been talking too online. The friend has never met him before. I spoke to my daughter and explained it is a very dangerous thing to do and that I will inform the friends Mum if she does go to meet him.
Daughter spoke to her friend later that day and informed me that friend had changed her mind.
Fast forward to Just now, another friend has told my dd that first friend is going to meet the boy tomorrow. Do I got and inform the mother even though I don't know her? I would want someone to come tell me.

OP posts:

Report

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/08/2019 13:08

I can't believe you are even asking tbh.

00q007 · 21/08/2019 13:08

Please tell her.

INeedAFlerken · 21/08/2019 13:09

Parents need to know.

RedWoollyHat · 21/08/2019 13:09

God this is my nightmare (14 year old DD here, who thinks she knows more than she does). Definitely tell the mum - please. I'd be so grateful if this were my DD and you informed me.

"PookieDo Wed 21-Aug-19 12:07:12
Yes I probably would. My DD know I am an interfering old bag but to be fair they know it is from a good place of concern"

hehehe. Mine too.

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 21/08/2019 13:10

Even if this really is a boy her own age, I think they're too young to be meeting up for dates without their parents knowing where they are. I might be being hopelessly old-fashioned though.

Greggers2017 · 21/08/2019 13:11

I asked opinions because I don't want to seem interfering especially if the Mum might know. I'd thank them for telling me anyway but didnt know what other people would think.

OP posts:

Cath2907 · 21/08/2019 13:13

I regularly remind my DD (aged 8) that online people can say they are anything and it is safest to assume they are 40year old men playing the game from their mum's basement!

I'd tell the parent.

waterrat · 21/08/2019 13:13

Oh my god OP of course you have to tell her. It would be incredibly irresponsible of you not to.

DanaPhoenix · 21/08/2019 13:13

Stop questioning your instincts. You have them for a reason.
Please speak to the mum.

waterrat · 21/08/2019 13:13

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/jan/12/lewis-daynes-stabbed-breck-bednar-essex-sentenced-chelmsford-crown-court

TimeForNewStart · 21/08/2019 13:14

Yes.

waterrat · 21/08/2019 13:14

Any 11 or 12 year old who is lying to their parents and meeting strangers online is behaving in an irresponsible and dangerous way and needs their parents to start monitoring their behaviour more closely.

flumpybear · 21/08/2019 13:15

It may we'll be just a meeting up with a boy .... BUT look at the likes of Jeffrey Epstein for example, sex traffickers and paedophiles who have people they use as hooks to get new blood

Don't leave this girls future down to the flip of a coin as to whether someone tells her mum or not .... tell her and she can make that call

I have a nearly 11 year old child, I wouldn't want her meeting a boy under any circumstances (albeit she's in junior school and is more interested in unicorns and fairies still just now!).

SmudgeButt · 21/08/2019 13:20

The only alternative I can think of to telling the mother is to talk to the girl herself and offer to go with her discretely. Say they could meet at a McD's or similar public place and you could lurk to see whether the "boy" is actually 12 and not 42.

If she refuses then def talk to her mom.

OtraCosaMariposa · 21/08/2019 13:23

If it was my daughter I'd want to know.

notapizzaeater · 21/08/2019 13:27

absolutely tell the mum, yes she might know but better to be told.

AuditAngel · 21/08/2019 13:29

I have a 12 yo DD as well, I would prefer you to tell me, rather than us potentially all having to live with the consequences

LoonyLunaLoo · 21/08/2019 13:32

Yes, if she doesn’t come home tonight, would you, your daughter or her friend be able to live with themselves?

MilletSentToForceIt · 21/08/2019 13:33

Yes, SmudgeButt’s scenario actually happened to a friend of mine. Turned out the 15 year old she was due to meet was in his 40s. Fortunately her Mum just had a nasty vibe about the whole thing and decided to take her to where they were meeting.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 21/08/2019 13:34

Absolutely without hesitation tell this girls parent. The fact that your daughter has told you this after your previous conversation is an indication that she is worried about her friend and wants you to intervene.

All school children are informed of internet safety and stranger danger from a young age for a very good reason.

I would rather be accused of being an interfering busybody any day of the week than live with the guilt of not forewarning her parents if something awful happened to her if this meeting went ahead.

my2bundles · 21/08/2019 13:36

Tell the mum. Don't go behind the mums back and monitor the meeting yourself like smudgebutt suggests. It's not your place and I would be furious if someone did that with my child behind my back.

OMGshefoundmeout · 21/08/2019 13:36

This is so hard. Obviously as a responsible adult you ought to do or say something but I can see it would be awkward.

If you don’t have a number or email address I think you have no choice but to go to the house. I would say something like ‘I don’t know if this is true or not, but I thought I should mention it - my daughter x has heard that your daughter is thinking of doing this tomorrow. I realise there may be nothing in it, but I thought I ought to let you know.’ And be prepared for the other girl to be very angry with your daughter.

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SunshineCake · 21/08/2019 13:37

Don't offer to go with the girl. If this was my child and you did that rather than tell me I'd be livid.

Greggers2017 · 21/08/2019 13:40

I've just been up to the house but there was nobody in so will try again later. DD did say they'd gone out for the day.
The are potentially meeting tomorrow so I have time to inform the mother.

OP posts:

MaverickSnoopy · 21/08/2019 13:40

I wouldn't give a flying figg about being awkward. You could be saving a child from something awful!

In our area a 12 year old girl was on her way in a taxi to meet a 12 year old boy she met online. During the journey the taxi driver was concerned and phoned the police who when they arrived saw it was an older man. All true - was in the papers and we learnt about it at our safeguarding training. This stuff really does happen. Depressing world.

You have to say something - you're definitely doing the right thing.

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