not to trust DH to look after me. What can I do.

[RainbowRobot]

No previous health anxiety but a few things lead me to suspect I'm going to be quite ill.

Had a full day in hospital on Monday, 7am to 7.15pm. DH is totally unable to appreciate that at the end of the day, I need to eat and perhaps talk about what is going on.

How can I talk to DH about getting a grip of the 'for worse' and 'sickness' bits ahead. He's really not getting it at the moment.

OP, do you think perhaps he isn't 'looking after you' because you haven't actually been diagnosed with an illness yet? Are the symptoms you've been having tests for something that are stopping you from doing anything at the moment? What sort of 'looking after' are you talking about? You've posted about this several times now, and you do give every impression of having health anxiety, even if you haven't had it before.

I'm sure if you are diagnosed with a serious illness he will step up, and if the symptoms of that illness were to stop you from being able to do things for yourself eventually (which they may not - I know two people with the condition you've previously said you think you may have and both of them are still very much capable of doing everything, after many years) he would do those things for you. You've also asked what you can do to get the rest of the family to 'support you being ill' - but you aren't ill yet, and if you are diagnosed you may not actually need any support, beyond awareness of your condition, for decades.

I understand that you'd want to talk through the tests you've been having and so on, but you seem really wedded to the idea that you are going to end up disabled and incapacitated very soon and that your family must prepare themselves by fussing around you, when there's no evidence that this will be the case. You seem to be catastrophising badly at the moment, judging from your other posts, and I'm wondering if your DH feels that dwelling on this at this very early stage is just making you more anxious and that talking about it so much isn't really helping you and is just making you worse.

People need to stop jumping to 'health anxiety' whenever a person has some idea of what might be wrong with them. It's dismissive. It's like as soon as someone's done some research on their symptoms, those symptoms should be dismissed as anxiety and obviously aren't real until a doctor has provided a diagnosis. And guess what, even DOCTORS dismiss people who research their symptoms as having health anxiety, so the attitude also interferes with diagnoses!

Happened to me. Took a very long time to get a diagnosis for a disease that I have because I was dismissed as anxious for several appointments with several different doctors before I was given the test and then it was "oh, you do have x disease."

Health anxiety is a real thing, but knowing about your own symptoms should never be diagnostic criteria for it.

*DH is totally unable to appreciate that at the end of the day, I need to eat and perhaps talk about what is going on.

How can I talk to DH about getting a grip of the 'for worse' and 'sickness' bits ahead. He's really not getting it at the moment*

See I’m lost at this as well (i am not a man).

What is he supposed to be “getting”? What is he supposed to be talking about? Why is eating after a hospital visit more significant than eating after a day at work or just generally?

From what you’ve said here, I’d be pretty much carrying on as normal. If it’s just tests and investigations and you are otherwise capable- if you are incapacitated or so unwell you need actual looking after/nursing that’s different.

The “for worse” and “sickness” bits are only hypothetical at the moment? Is he supposed to be planning house alterations and nursing care just in case it is ms- and even then there’s usually time to plan for deterioration once you have a diagnosis.

If you do get a diagnosis of a long term issue, again what are you expecting? I would treat you as normal unless you are actively ill when i would do the usual tea and sympathy while you rest. Are you expecting everyone to stop their lives and make it about your illness?

I would not have a clue either.

Have you other threads about this been deleted?

He shouldn't need it spelling out.If you are ill and need looking after then he should just bloody well know that

If she’s early stage though and still reasonably healthy, just having diagnostic tests, why would he know she needs “looking after” any more than usual?

What do you mean he's not good with things that inconvenience him?

@bluebluezoo, perhaps very simply ‘talking about it’ means LISTENING to the person? Not solving a problem or telling them what to do but acknowledging they are struggling?
Maybe it’s just about helping them ‘get’ what is going on and how they feel about it.

I think again, that it’s people who have never been ill that don’t get what you would want to talk about.

And the eating after. Day in hospital is different from a day at work when it’s the OP who is normally cooking and she would like him to step up and actually prepare dinner for a change.

Don’t people have a tiny bit of imagination to be able to ‘get’ what the OP is talking about? [comfused]

Health anxiety isn’t just about how often you visit the doctor.
I never go to the doctor because of health anxiety. I’m terrified of bad news and I avoid medical documentaries/doctors/health articles in the paper, everything.
Not that you necessarily have health anxiety OP, just wanted to make it clear that it presents itself in different ways- people who visit the doctor way way way too much or people who are terrified of seeing a doctor

How about getting angry and demand that your husband take care of you while you are unwell and stop being a selfish bastard who "is not great when life upsets his routine"?

FFS. If your husband won't support you in your hour of need, then you don't have a marriage.

My OH wouldn't think about food either OP, until about 10pm when the biscuits ran out and he felt hungry.
I don't know anything about you OP, whether you are ill or having mental and physical symptoms for another reason, but it's significant that you don't feel cared for.
Do you have any other support to talk about your worries?

I have relapsing remitting MS and have lived with it officially for 11 years now. It’s tough on the whole family but, for many people living with MS, whilst it changes the dynamic over time, it doesn’t often shift from being permanently well to permanently ill and dependent.

Your DH, like you, will need time to adjust and understand the ramifications. He’ll probably also need you to spell out what you need him to do, practically and emotionally.

For the eating did you say to him you are knackered could he sort dinner, there are Ikea meatball in the freezer (our fallback lazy meal!)?

What did he reply?

Regarding your illness/symptoms, I assume he knows them already, do you "over" discuss them? I know my mum does this and I just glaze over, dh would be the same for me especially if there wasn't a diagnose yet. I wouldn't give him too much of a hard time yet.

I’m sure he read your OP and your health?

Are you in complete denial about your health anxiety?

Other than the “doc are investigating, will update when I can” what else is there to go over.

No point going over then if and buts.

My husband decided he didn't want to be bothered with a sick wife after 20 years of marriage and just left. It was lovely getting a horrible divorce petition on the day I was due in for a serius procedure.
Up until then it was fine. Dumped me with no money or car and hasn't been seen since except to ask for money.
Now I managed to overcome and get better he wants to come back but I'm afraid he got told to get fucked.
have you got anyone else to help you out for a short time.
If not just hand him a list of things to do.
You may need to discuss your health concerns with a proper councillor rather than your husband as he sounds incapable of dealing with that side of things.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend there’s no need to be so snotty. It’s very worrying spending the entire day in hospital having tests, and some people de-compress by talking about things.

I had to have some fairly crappy medical procedures last week, so I came home and told my husband all about them which helped me process all the feelings around it. Luckily, he’s not an arse and he understands that’s how I deal with stuff.

So, so far. He didnt make a meal when OP was in hospital all day?

Not sure I would make a meal after dp had been at hospital. I eoidl have no idea if he would want a full meal or something small.

And by discuss it, Op what do you want to discuss? If its wanting to discuss your fears, I get that.

But if its wanting to keep talking about how it is MS and making plans for what you will do if it is, that's really difficult for some people. And how often are you wanting to discuss it.

Dr google gets its wrong far more than it gets it right.

A few years ago mum had a shadow in her lung. Dr Google told her it was probably cancer. When I googled it, I found lots if stories where it wasnt. She was talking about it all the time. What treatment she would accept and what she wouldnt. Started dividing her jewellery up etc. For 10 days it consumed every moment of her life.

Then she had another scan and there was nothing there. She was acting as though she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It really didnt help anyone to talk about it as though she definitely had it. Least of all her.

Another one here with a DH who is unable to acknowledge if I'm really ill. It's like he goes into panic/denial mode. Why do they do it?

so I came home and told my husband all about them which helped me process all the feelings around it. Luckily, he’s not an arse and he understands that’s how I deal with stuff

That it though, you come home and talk about it. Partner listens, makes some acknowleging noises, possibly some suggestions.

I don’t get why o/p didn’t just start a discussion. Was she waiting for a formal invite? For him to ask first?

Just to clarify, when I started this thread in AIBU it sunk for a couple of hours so I reposted in 'Health'. Two threads, none deleted. I'm not on 'Style & Beauty' seeking pj advice or anywhere else . It appears the maths gremlins highlighted both on your busy thread list.

You have three threads going about this, OP. Not two.

I think DH is in denial and, bad timing, my close friends I'd normally chat to are away.

Sorry to all the PPs who struggled with poor health without an instinctively supportive partner. Particularly hard to hear about 'for worse' turning into divorce.

I would n't think it unreasonable to ask a 'DP' how they are feeling everyday or ask if there's anything that needs to change in the short term before we put a label on the symptoms.

I'm desperately trying to reign in the kids expectations. I'm too tired to have a houseful but DH keeps pushing company, DIY projects, grand exercise schemes then fucks off to work leaving me to carry them out.

IMO you need to just hold your horses and actually wait for a diagnosis OP, there's nothing much to be done until then. Make sure DH Is with you when you see consultants etc, make notes if you can (or get DH to)

There's zero point panicking until you know what the lie of land is. It could be something easily fixed.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum no need to comment on them all, other none Rainbow robot threads are available

I’m sorry but I’m really confused. How is MS related to needing to eat as doesn’t normally cause reduction in appetite unless secondary to the constipation. What happens when u have a ‘relapse?’
Have you had a lumbar puncture to confirm diagnosis as it’s usually this which will confirm it as it caused by damage to myelin sheaf.