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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding date dilemma

143 replies

Subla2401 · 21/08/2019 08:37

Just looking for some impartial advice here as I am so indecisive. I recently got engaged to my partner of 8 years and we have just found the venue we'd love to get married in, which is exciting! However, they are very limited on dates.

I am a teacher so ideally would like to get married when I have more than just one week off work. So that leaves Easter or summer (it's an outdoorsy venue so not too keen on winter time). If we want to go for next year, Easter is completely booked and they only have Sundays left in August. If we want a Saturday wedding, we'd have to push it back to 2021, where we can choose either April or August.

We're keen to get married sooner rather than later. But, is a Sunday wedding a terrible idea? And alternatively, will April be too cold (we live in the South of England)? The venue is a couple of hours away from home so guests would need to stay the night, meaning they'd have to book Monday off work.

So my question is... which would you choose and why?

Thanks so much in advance.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 21/08/2019 11:19

Sunday's fine. It'll also help you weedle out those only attending out of obligation making room for those who really want to be there.

Inertia · 21/08/2019 11:20

The difference between days off needed for Friday and Sunday weddings is that some workplaces will only allow the day of the wedding off. Some people can get permission for a day off work for the actual wedding on a Friday, and if they don't have to work on the Saturday they can stay and enjoy the evening reception. Workplaces are less likely to grant a day off to travel or recover on a Monday if the wedding takes place on the Sunday, so many guests will leave the wedding early to travel / be in work for the Monday. (Lots of people don't have free choice over their dates for annual leave).

needsahouseboy · 21/08/2019 11:30

I'd decline a Sunday wedding or I'd go but leave early. I think you'll find quite a few people would as well.

Mammyloveswine · 21/08/2019 11:33

I had a Sunday wedding in winter! It was lovely! Everybody attended (a few grumbles about it being close to Christmas!). I had a church wedding too and the vicar said it was lovely celebrating on a Sunday!

There's a bank holiday in August, could you get married the Sunday before that? It usually coincides with the last week of summer hols but I get 7 weeks next year so check in case you do too!

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 21/08/2019 11:33

Sunday's fine if it's local to at least half the guests but if everyone has to travel it's a bit of a nightmare, not least with all the accommodation required for people to stay over. If you do go ahead, I'd say have a later ceremony. We've been to a couple of christenings that were early on a Sunday and it's a right pain having to go to bed early on Saturday, to be up at the crack of dawn to get ready and get there on time.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 21/08/2019 11:34

Been to 2 Sunday weddings recently, both fell completely flat in the evening as loads of people left to get home for work/school next day. Both brides said the little bit of money saved wasn't worth having a rubbish non party evening and would do a Fri/Sat if they had the chance again.
I'd go for a good date in 2021 or new venue if a fun celebration night is important to you.

FairfaxAikman · 21/08/2019 11:37

We got married in April because I wanted to avoid a hot sunny day. We got a hot sunny day.
I don't think the British weather is predicable enough to rule anything out.

timshelthechoice · 21/08/2019 11:46

Sunday's fine. It'll also help you weedle out those only attending out of obligation making room for those who really want to be there.

Oh, this old chestnut! Expecting people to tie themselves in knots and stump up loads of money and take time off work or they don't really want to be there. Plenty of people cannot afford it or cannot take the time off.

I agree, Shh, 6-7 hours is plenty.

HiJenny35 · 21/08/2019 11:46

Wait a year or find another venue.
Oh gets 20 days off a year. 10 days summer, one for sports day, one for class trip, two for assemblies, 6 for Christmas and new year. We couldn't justify taking a day for traveling back from a wedding. It's pretty unfair to put guests in the position where they either need to take a day off work or feel bad for not attending.

TriciaH87 · 21/08/2019 12:08

Is the Sunday free with the August Bank Holiday the next day? If so no need for people to book time off work. Sunday would be fine. I used to live next to a church and they often had weddings on Sundays. April may be a bit cool but then we're in the UK so you cannot guarantee the weather at any time of year. August does have a better chance weather wise.

Youngandfree · 21/08/2019 12:19

OP if you have the wedding on a Sunday then just start earlier and finish earlier. I’m not a big party animal so even at my own wedding I was in bed for 12 that night. Others stayed up till later, that was their own choice!

user1493759849 · 21/08/2019 12:44

@Subla2401

Agree with the posters who are saying with a 2-hours travel time, and having to stay overnight, I would not even be going to the wedding at all (unless it was a sibling or an (adult) child of mine.)

Also don't get why you can't have a different venue, and one that is closer.

BossAssBitch · 21/08/2019 13:00

We got married in a venue four + hours away, on a Sunday, due to the fact my dream venue only had one Sunday left all summer.. Only two people said they couldn't make it, we were really taken aback by the enthusiasm, but we picked one of, if not the most beautiful parts of the country, which helped!

All our guests made a long weekend out of it. Some even arrived on the Friday night, staying at various hotels dotted around the main wedding venue. We were lucky as this part of the country is known for its rain but we had glorious sunshine all weekend, it really was a dream wedding, don't be put off by distance or a Sunday wedding, our guests had a lovely time and many of them still talk about what a magical weekend it was.

Dementedswan · 21/08/2019 13:06

I got married the Sunday of the August bank holiday weekend worked out well for guests who had to travel. Is that an option?

Childcar12 · 21/08/2019 13:18

Good god some of you sound awful, I would go to the other end of the country for ANY of my family, cousins, aunts etc I love my family! And my friends are my friends because I love them equally!

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 21/08/2019 13:28

If the most important thing to you is having a nice venue for the photos then book whenever and accept whoever turns up as a bonus.

If you care more about your guests having a good time and not having to shell out loads for you then pick a closer venue and make sure it's a Saturday.

hlr1987 · 21/08/2019 13:29

I think it might come down to what category your (wanted) guests fall into.
Split your guest list into people you really want to be there and stay late, and people that actually, you need to invite but won't be gutted if they don't want to come.
If anyone on the must have list would find it hard to get the next day off, wouldn't want to travel with their kids, wouldn't have the money to afford an holiday time night away near your venue/travel costs etc, then the choice is between celebrating with them and the venue.
I don't think 2 hrs is too far away for a wedding, but I would go home rather than stay over at that distance.

60minutemakeunder · 21/08/2019 13:30

I love my friends and family too, unfortunately that love doesn’t conjure up more annual leave, money for hotels or expensive taxis or willingness to travel huge distances for what could be just as nicely done in a more convenient location for dozens of people.

Sceptre86 · 21/08/2019 13:35

We for married in August and it rained to high heaven on most of the wedding events, only on the actual wedding day was there nice weather. Judging by the weather this August I would be more inclined to go April but in the UK the weather is just never guaranteed. What do they have in place if it does rain? Also many families pre book summer holidays so some guests night not be able to attend anyway. Weekend weddings are common in Asian families so I can't really comment on that, as long as you give your guests plenty of notice surely they can decide if they want to book time off work or not?

I would check with close family, siblings to see if there are any dates that they definitely can't do, assuming that you want them there? We avoided Easter time as my sister had a-level exams just after and I would not have got married without her there.

Sceptre86 · 21/08/2019 13:35

Congratulations on your engagement by the way!

Iamafanoffans · 21/08/2019 14:02

My friends wedding was a bit of a disaster due to it being held on a Sunday. She wouldn’t consider anywhere other than one particular venue for the reception, but also wanted to get married at a different, local venue. The two places were over an hours drive apart, but on a fast train connection. She assumed most people would get the train between the two venues.
Unfortunately the venue had very limited availability, so they booked it on a Sunday. She didn’t realise that there was engineering works on the train line that Sunday, so her plans for people to train it between venues failed.
Quite a few people ended up not coming to the reception at all due to the hassle, lots more drove and so couldn’t drink, and some took the rail replacement bus which took over 2 hrs. Hardly anyone stayed past 8pm as they had to either get the long bus back, or were stone cold sober and not in the party spirt.

Youngandfree · 21/08/2019 14:36

OP you could do what most ppl do and put on a bus from where the most ppl are based. That way others (family/friends who live further afield may travel and stay with family and get the bus)??

KarmaStar · 21/08/2019 15:00

Hi op
We had a Sunday wedding and conscious of people needing to work the following day we had a local venue and didn't have an evening part,late afternoon ceremony,champagne and hot canapes whilst photo's being done then usual sir down meal,people went home about ten p.m..
Really good day and everyone managed to get up for work the next day too!😀

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/08/2019 15:52

We put on a bus, picked nearly everyone up. Took them to the wedding about an hour away, to an attraction for a chill-out and a cup of tea (about 45 mins) and then to the pub for lots of food and drink. It took everyone home nice and full and merry. It was a lot less stressful for all the guests. We did have a small wedding though.

MidniteScribbler · 21/08/2019 22:57

It'll also help you weedle out those only attending out of obligation making room for those who really want to be there.

This is putting a price on love. "You only love me if you're willing to shell out a few hundred pounds, drive for hours and take a day off work, otherwise you obviously don't love me enough."

I personally value my friends and family enough not to expect them to possibly put themselves in financial hardship or have to take days out of their holidays.

Betcha anything the OP is also planning on child free and a wishing well too.

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