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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding date dilemma

143 replies

Subla2401 · 21/08/2019 08:37

Just looking for some impartial advice here as I am so indecisive. I recently got engaged to my partner of 8 years and we have just found the venue we'd love to get married in, which is exciting! However, they are very limited on dates.

I am a teacher so ideally would like to get married when I have more than just one week off work. So that leaves Easter or summer (it's an outdoorsy venue so not too keen on winter time). If we want to go for next year, Easter is completely booked and they only have Sundays left in August. If we want a Saturday wedding, we'd have to push it back to 2021, where we can choose either April or August.

We're keen to get married sooner rather than later. But, is a Sunday wedding a terrible idea? And alternatively, will April be too cold (we live in the South of England)? The venue is a couple of hours away from home so guests would need to stay the night, meaning they'd have to book Monday off work.

So my question is... which would you choose and why?

Thanks so much in advance.

OP posts:

Azeema · 21/08/2019 09:31

I say go for it in 2020. Wedding is for you and fiancé, not for guests to have big party, get drunk and complain about going work with hangover.

Gazelda · 21/08/2019 09:31

I'd struggle to find the extra £ for an overnight stay during August (expensive month for childcare, child related activities, holidays etc).
And I'd struggle to get the time off work. Everyone at work wants time off during August and it's quite a jigsaw to enable everyone to have the time they want. And I'd prioritise precious annual leave for my family holiday and childcare cover over a wedding,
I think you should re-look at the venue.

MarigoldGlove · 21/08/2019 09:32

I think it would be fine if it was on a Sunday if it wasn't a couple of hours are we.

To me, you are putting too much for Chris on this venue and you would probably end up having E far nicer wedding if it was closer And at a more convenient time for the guests As they are more likely to be able to attend.

TapasForTwo · 21/08/2019 09:32

The venue is a couple of hours away from home so guests would need to stay the night, meaning they'd have to book Monday off work.

I think this would be a deal breaker for many guests. If having a particular venue is more important to you than having the guests you want to invite then by all means go for that venue and accept that a number of guests will decline the invitation. If having the people you love at your wedding is more important then choose a venue that is local, with a more convenient date.

simplekindoflife · 21/08/2019 09:33

Any time of the year is a bit hit and miss in this country. August has been very wet and windy! We've been two April weddings and they were lovely, so I wouldn't worry about that.

In terms of a Sunday wedding, I think you need to be prepared for people leaving early to drive home. It's also the school holidays so a lot of people will actually be going on holiday.

What about a Friday wedding so people will be more likely to stay over? But again need to be prepared that people might not come. Or is there nothing around the bank holidays or Easter Monday?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 21/08/2019 09:33

Unless it's the Sunday before a bank holiday Monday, I wouldn't. It will severely limit the number of people who can stay till the evening without feeling they have to leave early to make the 2 hour journey home and can't drink because they have work next day. Many people won't want to take an extra day off on a Monday. I'd find another venue.

TapasForTwo · 21/08/2019 09:33

And if you are planning on inviting extra guests for the evening I wouldn't bother. No-one will want to travel 2 hours and pay for overnight accommodation just for an evening do.

MerdedeBrexit · 21/08/2019 09:34

I second someone's suggestion at having it on the Saturday at the end of half-term week and then waiting for the honeymoon in summer, sort of two celebrations for the price of one! I also agree that people are not going to want to travel so far for a Sunday wedding and then take Monday off work, so if you want to ensure a small wedding, that's the way to do it! And I also agree that the wedding is really only going to be important to you and your close family (possibly), so expecting people to spend a whole week-end and lots of money on it because they have to travel to your chosen venue and stay the night there is maybe not the best idea.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 21/08/2019 09:36

I work for a wedding venue in the SE and every single Saturday wedding we had in July and August, it rained and was very windy. August does not guarantee good weather, this year has been awful. I got married early May and it was 25c and sunny. Go for April.

NailsNeedDoing · 21/08/2019 09:36

It depends how important the big party reception is to you.

Your teacher friends will be fine as they'll be off work too, but August is the time that many people will take time off work anyway, and so could either be away, or unable to take an extra random day off. April would probably be better from that POV. I wouldn't assume that everyone will be able to stay the night, so you could end up with people leaving earlier than you'd hoped.

OllyBJolly · 21/08/2019 09:37

Honestly - I'm old and have been to many weddings.

What makes a wedding special isn't the venue- it's the happiness of the couple and the guests. If key people can't make it, or are looking at their watches, worrying about childcare then it's not going to be the best possible wedding.

Youmadorwhat · 21/08/2019 09:37

Teacher here too...I had mine on a weds, during the Easter holidays and most of my guests either had to travel an hour or get an on a plane for two hours and then drive for another two. Some flew over from the US and Australia (not immediate family) AND take a few days off!! Most made a holiday out of it, we had a blast!! If ppl WANT to be at your wedding they will make it happen OP! Book the date and let them worry about themselves.

GatoFofo · 21/08/2019 09:37

I agree that a Sunday wedding would be fine if you chose a venue much closer to the homes of most of your guests i.e. a taxi ride away rather than an overnight stay.

EmmaC78 · 21/08/2019 09:37

It would put me off going. I have to strategically plan my annual leave most years so wouldn't want to take a day off unless it was a family wedding. Once I had factored in the driving time and leaving early I think I would end up

flowery · 21/08/2019 09:43

We’re going to a Sunday evening do next month, also a couple of hours away. It’s a complete pain tbh. No chance of overnight stay due to work/school next day, so we’ll be leaving relatively early. Also a pain because of trains, which obviously might not be an issue for you.

BuddysMama · 21/08/2019 09:44

Do they have bank holiday free? We got married on a Sunday but it was bank hol, so everyone had the day off anyway!

How about a Friday? Much more convenient, and people don't have to take the Monday off, so you could be stuck with a room full of people sober and leaving early xx

ChicCroissant · 21/08/2019 09:49

It's the venue that is making this difficult, I assume your guests couldn't come down the day before because the venue will be full with another wedding?

It does seem a bit cheeky to say they'll have to travel two hours and book a day off work tbh. Or is it one of those weddings where the room bookings reduce the cost for you? Because a lot of people may well just leave early and drive home!

Span1elsRock · 21/08/2019 09:50

My cousin had a Sunday wedding. I felt so sorry for her as a lot of the evening guests didn't turn up, and those that did all left by 10pm and weren't drinking. The party just never got going. She said afterwards they wished that they had never bothered with the evening and just had a day event.

SummerInTheVillage · 21/08/2019 09:54

Choose a venue that doesn't mean your guests have to pay to attend your wedding. It's very rude, expect many to decline. I won't pay to stay in a hotel for 2 nights to see my neighbours get married.

Very selfish.

TapasForTwo · 21/08/2019 09:54

I agree with OllyB. People are more important than the venue.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/08/2019 09:54

I guess it depends why you want to get married. If you want to be married before kids and are keen to start a family, I'd do a friday or a Sunday in august next year (assuming no sundays available before bank holidays). Be aware though I know some people with school age kids that have already booked their summer holiday for next August. Otherwise I'd probably wait til the year after if it's not actually going to affect anything

katycb · 21/08/2019 09:58

I'm a teacher and got married in a garden (actual ceremony inside though) I. The Easter hols, mid April. Weather was pretty good and we went straight to the far East on honeymoon..had an amazing time. Ours was a Saturday but we got married near where we live (Northumberland) and ohs family are from Devon so lots of travel was involved. What about the Sunday before the Easter bank holiday? Will cost more for registrar etc but might be worth it.

wombat1a · 21/08/2019 10:00

Personally the venue is the one of the more minor things to worry about. Getting a good date is more important, having a Sunday where people will need to take the Monday off work means many will either
a) not go
b) not stay for the evening do
which would be a disappointment to you.

Alsohuman · 21/08/2019 10:00

People get married in December so I’m not sure why April would be too cold. A Sunday wedding is fine.

Ragwort · 21/08/2019 10:02

I really wouldn’t travel two hours and book an overnight stay for a wedding, whatever day it was on. When I was younger and less confident I might have accepted the invitation out of politeness but now I would just politely decline.

As others have said, why focus on the ‘venue’ and not the fact that you want to be married?

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