Advice or subjects that you should never ask on MN

[Bravelurker]

Do you ever feel like you have lived your entire life in an oblivious bubble after reading about 80% of responses on this site?
I mean, on common everyday things such as playing music in your own home or garden, or owning a jacuzzi or trampoline or worst of all smoking in your own garden?
Maybe it's because I'm super chilled or an oblivious arsehole (unlikely because I'm terrified of confrontation) but I had no idea how many things were widely considered anti social.
Disclaimer :This is not a moan from me as I only live in a flat so I won't be buying a bouncy castle any time soon. Also, thanks to AIBU, I have given up smoking as I had no idea that my cigarette smoke might be bothering my upstairs neighbours whilst I smoked on my balcony 😳.
So has anyone else been left with a '' christ, no wonder people hate me'' light bulb moment?

Oo quite a few. The biggest ones that really get me are:

1. If you're a step parent, just don't. The child's mother could have posted a flaming turd through your letter box and you'll still get a chorus of 'cut her some slack, she's the mother of his kids, it's hard for her, she's probably hurting, were you the OW?' etc etc.

1. Don't be a second wife. It's just not allowed. And if you are you will never hold a candle to the first wife. Even if your H was never married before, if he has a child with someone else, you're still the 'second wife'.

1. You can't be a responsible dog owner unless you're in the house 25 hours a day, it's a rescue or you have been on a breeders waiting list for 20 years.

1. If you're a man.... Yeah just don't. Your post will be torn to shreds and any evidence that you might be slightly in the wrong, no matter how small will be used against you for the next 27 pages. It doesn't matter if your wife stayed at home shagging your brother all day whilst you worked 16 hour shifts. ITS YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW.

1. If your husband does anything that is slightly mean, grumpy, arsey you must LTB immediately. You must pack a bag and phone a divorce lawyer within 5.2 seconds of any argument because you're being abused. Because obviously wives are always perfect and never treat their husbands a bit shit sometimes!

1. Children, especially step children, can never do anything wrong. Your 37 year old step son called you a cunt because you undercooked his chips? SO WHAT. He's your husband's CHILD, it's hard for him not having his parents together for the past 30 years. You knew he had kids when you got with him so deal with it and don't make the same mistake again.

My new favourite is that you cannot wear anything to a wedding lest one of the bridal party be in the same colour, fabric, style as you. Just go in a bin bag because the day is about the bride, not you!

Never, EVER ask a question about autism. I did once. Because I wanted to learn something and Google just brought up lots of conflicting advice. Who knew that wanting to know about something was 'ignorant'? 'Educate yourself' was another blinder, err why do you think I was asking?

Towels.

1 use: not dirty (bodies are clean after a shower)
2 uses: not dirty (bodies are clean after a shower, you’re not washing yourself properly)
3 uses: not dirty (bodies are clean after a shower, you’re not washing yourself properly, are you flossing your arse with it?)
4 uses: you may now wash your suddenly dirty towel.

Never allude to Christianity or church attendance. You will be subjected to deeply unfunny pisstaking about God and Jesus Christ and some smug tool will always say "op some of the nastiest people I know are Christian" .

I can guarantee the same shit would never be thrown at any other faith.

On the Doghouse page, never, ever ask about re-homing your dog or any family members (dogs that is not family members). Alongside the helpful, well meaning posters lurk the dog martyrs. One thread I read actually got to the stage where posters were threatening to go round to an op's house and believe me, it was not a joke. Really sinister.

Never start a thread that might go against any of the received mn wisdoms. These include;
Brexit will be catastrophic
Step mums are evil
Teachers are never wrong
People that vote Tory have personally murdered small children
Cats should be kept indoors
Never judge anyone ever

Never ask relationship advice because you WILL categorically he told to LTB regardless of whether he's just left the loo seat up

I hate that bloody face.

God, me too. That and that fucking stupid shrug emoji 🤷‍♀️ Anyone who uses that should go fuck themselves with the fat end of a pineapple.

What about the thread about whether or not it's acceptable to wee in the shower?

The absolute worst emoji is this one: 🙈

dexterslockedintheshedagain
Avoid almost any thread about wee. Especially during term time when a bizarre number of people seem to want to have a bring and share of school toileting stories.
Bleh.

Never bring up the fact that you are skint if you have children as you will be shamed to death, without mercy about your awful life choices .

If your DH has female friends he is absolutely cheating and you must LTB. But follow him and/ or check his phone for evidence first.

Woe betide any man who goes anywhere near any of that kind of behaviour though. Its abusive and controlling and partners need to LTB.

I would never ask for advice on wording something. The replies to those sorts of questions crack me up. Terminally ill relative asked for a kidney? Simply say ‘that won’t work for me’, or even better ‘no’ as it’s a complete sentence

Hahahaha! Like anyone is that forward!

I agree with pp, if your husband is acting slightly suspicious he is clearly having an affair so don't say a word, go through his paperwork (!), get your ducks in a line and hire a barrister to take him to the cleaners with all your evidence. FFS this is the real world. Husband probably works in an office or supermarket and maybe doesn't have any bloody savings.

Oh and don't mention it if you have a child under 14 with a mobile phone for god sake

Exactly, Vil, they're not supposed to use screens, ever, by choice, of course, but then they all grow up to study software engineering at uni and become high earners.

Reverse barometer for life is spot on!

There are some batshit posters on here.

Based on what I read in here, most mumsnetters are roaming around their local areas and accosting strangers for various things such as parenting style, smoking, parking, diet and lack of concern for the environment. Then getting upset if stranger dares to say anything back to them. 😂

Oh yes, I love the OP asks a question and some posters respond with “educate yourself”. FFS.