Advice or subjects that you should never ask on MN

[Bravelurker]

Do you ever feel like you have lived your entire life in an oblivious bubble after reading about 80% of responses on this site?
I mean, on common everyday things such as playing music in your own home or garden, or owning a jacuzzi or trampoline or worst of all smoking in your own garden?
Maybe it's because I'm super chilled or an oblivious arsehole (unlikely because I'm terrified of confrontation) but I had no idea how many things were widely considered anti social.
Disclaimer :This is not a moan from me as I only live in a flat so I won't be buying a bouncy castle any time soon. Also, thanks to AIBU, I have given up smoking as I had no idea that my cigarette smoke might be bothering my upstairs neighbours whilst I smoked on my balcony 😳.
So has anyone else been left with a '' christ, no wonder people hate me'' light bulb moment?

That apparently you can’t just disagree with your mil about the odd thing, or find certain things irritating, and shrug them off in a ‘nobody is perfect’ manner alongside generally loving/ liking/ respecting them. And you must never ever ask for help to diplomatically approach one of these minor issues with a mil you otherwise really appreciate having.

Either she is demonic, and intent on killing your pfb, or taking over. In which case ltb and go nc. Or more rarely she is Mary poppins and perfect in every way. No normal middle ground allowed.

If you have any sort of worry related to pooing (yourself or your kids) and are seeking solace, reassurance that you are not alone or some advice.

Don't ask here.

All, apart from one or two, will immediately assume you are the....dun dun dun...."POO TROLL"....not someone trying to cope with a scary medical issue but are actually some perv sat at your keyboard wanking furiously at the thought of a name on a screen taking a shit.

They also have hairy hands by popular suggestion although I've never personally heard of a wanking persons pubes falling out and sticking to their hands.

... sneaks in tentatively ....

.... Please don't ever ask about if/why you changed your surname on marriage ....

.... Ducks behind parapet and rushes back out again ....

Wedding receptions, particularly the food and drinks on offer.

Anxiety is another topic that cause great anxiety here.

America. Any thread referencing the US will likely descend into a mess of misinformation, stereotypes and bashing.

Breastfeeding, ear piercing and I will dare to type...circumcision
Any type of family budgeting is financial control.

don't ask anything disability related such as asking for kindness, tolerance, understanding and being more inclusive.

Parents of NT children will tell you that it is not right to 'force' their DC to be friends with children with SN and exclude them (children should pick their own friends, right?); you will be told that YABU to take a child with a disability that generates noise (e.g. some children with ASD make repetitive noises when excited) to places like the theater as you are spoiling the experience for the non-diabled audience; it is unreasonable to expect organisations like brownies to be more inclusive (they are run by volunteers who really shouldn't be asked to include children with complex needs as it is an extra strain and if the law would force these orgs to include children with SN, then they would have to close down and the poor NT souls would lose out)... just summing up a few threads but it always goes the same nasty disablist way on Aibu these days. It didn't use to be so not sure what has changed.

OMG yeah, the pregnancy test stick does my head in. So many of them. 'Am I pregnant?' (With a pic of a preggo test that is clearly negative.) Then 4 out of 5 posters say 'congratulations you're pregnant woo hoo!'

Very few will admit they have a TV.

Sooo many people are on £75,000 a year and think anything less than £50,000 a year is a low wage.

Everyone has a cleaner.

Teachers can do no wrong.

The laughable and predictable 'are you living in the 50's' bollocks, whenever a poster says she enjoys looking after her husband and kids and cooking for them. It's always the 50's isn't it? PMSL!! Like that is the ONLY decade where women waited on men hand and foot; it never happened in any decade before that - or after.

90% of posters seem to have kept their surname on marriage. Yet although I know/have encountered 100s of women of ALL ages from 18 to 80 (in professional jobs and also 'not' professional;) I only know 2 who kept their surname. And they are in their early 30s, professionals, and only married in 2017 and 2018.

Everyone seems to cook from scratch (some actually suggested on a thread the other day that they make their own sausage rolls from scratch. Who the F does that?!)

Stuns me the amount of posters who think everyone in social housing gets their rent paid!

So many ignorant people living a blessed life in cloud cuckoo land!

I also get sick of the same old threads bashing people who never learned to drive, swim, or cycle. All 3 are great skills, but you won't fall off the planet if you can't do these 3 things.

Also get sick of seeing threads slagging off people who use child spaces when they have no kids, then slagging off the mums who have kids, saying they are lazy and entitled.

ALSO, the bloody 'is it rude to ask someone to take off their shoes in your house?' argument! No-one is wrong for being peeved at having to take off their shoes, and no-one is wrong for asking someone to do it. Everyone is entitled to their views and opinions.

I also facepalm at the amount of times I see posters telling someone to leave their DH/DP as if it's THAT EASY. I mean, it's sooooo easy to just pack up your life into 2 suitcases, scoop up the kids and walk out.... Coz you probably have £15K in the bank, and a place to move into immediately. I believe every council has 1000s of homes waiting for tenants. There's no queue of anything!!!

@Mushroomparty

Honestly, people: blast your music, laugh with your mates, have a BBQ, have parties, ENJOY YOUR LIFE! No one is entitled to total silence 24/7. Hearing your neighbours' music once in a while is not going to give you clinical depression. Get a grip.

Glad you're not MY neighbour.

Don't ever complain about anything child related being more expensive tha expected because you should have saved and planned for every school uniform, school trip, after school club, holiday club, stationary item and childcare cost for each DC (until the age of 18) you intend to have before even TTC, and taken into account any and evey potential change of circumstance!

Never start a thread about council housing,as it will.just be full of replays about subsidies,massive waiting lists and how only the very desperate should be eligible ,the vast majority of posters know absolutely nothing about housing policy and make it u p as they go along .Never ask about benefit fraud mumsnet has really weird ideas about it, if you have to get a dog only a rescue dog is acceptable.

Suggestion for a thread title....
'My DH is insistent on coming with me to the Breast feeding clinic - no-one will object will they?'

The subject doesn't matter much tbh, and the tone the OP uses doesn't matter either, lol.

There will always be wild accusations, and generalisations depending on the OP ( and much making up of stories as the OP doesn't give enough detailed info for some :), so they make it up ! :) )

The greats are usually

1. A mothers right to do and say anything to anyone, cos SHE IS MOTHER ! :) (i.e akin to Godlike)
2. The rights of THE MOTHER outweigh the DH, DP's, DIL's etc EVERY SINGLE time ! :)
3. No-one, anywhere, at any time must indulge in the ( perfectly legal) habit of smoking. Apparently smoke is osmotic and can get through brick walls, double glazing and actually aim itself across vast swathes of back gardens from public paths and stay forever on clothing, regardless of detergent :) ( and yet the carcinogenic exhaust fumes breathed in daily is OK on the school run ! :)
4. All DH's and DP's are potentially abusive and violent and controlling, and apparently you're just too stupid and hadn't noticed. :)
5. All PIL 's are controlling and coercive, you MUST stop all contact immediately and stay in your small family bubble ! :)
6. Every OP needs to be told what they are doing wrong :) ( and if you check the previous postings of the helpful souls who advise them, you usually find they are definitely in no position to offer any advice, and usually they are living very dysfunctionally themselves!)
7. Any question which asks for balanced views get's the exact opposite ! :)
8. Any posts around dogs, children, politics, attached parenting (don't get me started, lol), body image, alcohol, adultery, education, cyclists, parking, neighbours, trampolines, BBQ's.................

You get the picture ? Whatever your post, you will get the whackos, wierdos, do as I say and not as I do's, preachers, doom sayers, and everything in between. :)

@ gamesanddaisychains has got it, do you ? :)

The laundry threads get me. People washing everything after wearing/touching it ONCE And washing stuff at 90 degrees (with Dettol). I have a feeling most MNetters would think me a slattern.

The cleaning threads where people are horrified you don't bleach everything!

Anything related to the toilet; the use of brushes or bleach; who can use yours, what people are allowed to do in certain toilets; using public toilets, how to sit on public toilets, what people are allowed to do (in the tolieting sense) in public toilet; the age male children are allowed to go into female toilets, the hazards and chance of dying if male child use male toilets, (not going to mention the controversial one on usage). I think you could stretch to anything related to the bathroom as showering, towels, bins and spare toilet paper and sanitary products are dangerous topics too.

Fruit.

Mother's day, birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries.

I find the diet threads interesting, you can safely eat 5 pepperami sticks and a large packet of pork scratchings for dinner but heaven forbid you have a potato.
Yes, that's a healthy lifestyle choice

There was a thread a couple of months ago about cottage pie it went on for pages and pages some people believing only boiling the mince is acceptable and others who ( dry) fry the mince it was hilarious .

No one should ever ever be a SAHM - if you aren’t back at work within a week you are a disgrace

It’s your wedding so you can 100% do what you want - never mind if it’s seen as rude / unfriendly to anyone else - it’s all about you

If someone looks at you the wrong way you must cut them out of your life totally no matter who they are or if they just had a bit of dirt in their eye and had no idea what they were doing

If you earn over the national average wage you can’t have any problems ever

If you start a thread about your upcoming nuptials, someone will be along to tell you that they got married in a derelict registry office with stained carpets and peeling wallpaper and only their immediate family present, and anything more is a frivolous waste of money. Usually accompanied by this face -

I hate that bloody face.

According to Mumsnet my occasional habit of dropping round unannounced to a friend's or relative's house is the height of rudeness. I MUST prewarn them first as opposed to dropping in on a whim.

I didn't know this, and now I've got to tell all my relatives and friends who do the same to me that it's just not on.

Not wanting to go without a glass of wine at a social event means you have ‘issues’ with alcohol.

And whoops - I just started a breastfeeding thread

@Alsohuman aww I think he’s quite cute. In a perverse manner!

Smoking cigarettes in your own garden may be antisocial but smoking weed right under your neighbours window isn’t

The Xmas threads are always an eye opener in real life I have never known anyone not do Santa /Father Xmas with their kids ,every single year their are hoards of mumsnetters that insist they have never done it, than there are the competitive stingy threads ,I'm not talking about people who have to stick to a budget more those where money is no problem! ,but try to spend the least they can on their children at Xmas

The volume of people that need to label everything or stick religiously to certain methods. In the real world most people just do a bit of everything, based on whatever seems to work for them, their lifestyle, that child. They don’t say ‘I’m attachment parenting so therefore must do x,y,z, regardless’. You can’t just potty train using a bit of whatever works, you have to follow x or y methods/ books. Kids aren’t just playing with a box or paint, it’s imaginative play and mark making.