Advice or subjects that you should never ask on MN

[Bravelurker]

Do you ever feel like you have lived your entire life in an oblivious bubble after reading about 80% of responses on this site?
I mean, on common everyday things such as playing music in your own home or garden, or owning a jacuzzi or trampoline or worst of all smoking in your own garden?
Maybe it's because I'm super chilled or an oblivious arsehole (unlikely because I'm terrified of confrontation) but I had no idea how many things were widely considered anti social.
Disclaimer :This is not a moan from me as I only live in a flat so I won't be buying a bouncy castle any time soon. Also, thanks to AIBU, I have given up smoking as I had no idea that my cigarette smoke might be bothering my upstairs neighbours whilst I smoked on my balcony 😳.
So has anyone else been left with a '' christ, no wonder people hate me'' light bulb moment?

You should never ask for advice about car seats. If you don't buy the most expensive one in existence it's because you don't love your child enough.

It is such an amazing feeling when your children reach the age where these things no longer matter!

How to deal with a slightly overbearing friend.

Who cares if you've known them for 20 years, spend every Christmas together and your kids are best mates? If they suggest one too many playdates over the course of the month simply text and say "I cannot stand this. Please leave me alone. Don't contact me again". And if they don't get the message then just tell them to fuck off. Sorted!

Whether you should wash your kickers and tea towels together tends to get heated. As do threads about how often you should wash. One camp is always horrified by the idea of not showering at least once a day, the other can cheerfully go several days without any soap but we are always assured they never smell. There are many others but I’m tired!

Parents who give their children sweets to give out at home time on their birthdays are inconsiderate and possibly in league with the devil. Because a fun size pack of haribo after school is the equivalent of a crack pipe. And telling a 5yr old they have to wait till after dinner is a huge, insurmountable patenting challenge.

The suggestion that it’s essentially child abuse to be living in a rented home. When I was pregnant with DD1 I remember starting a thread saying our neighbours were smoking on their terrace and it was making me puke as the smell was coming straight through to my bedroom (was summer and I had hyperemesis) and how could I nicely ask them to not. Mentioned we had the same landlord. Had a load of responses saying “are you sure you should be bringing a child into this living situation if you can’t afford to buy?” And “is it council?” I was ...... we are both professionals and were married/in our 30s/totally equipped to have a kid, we just lived in London and didn’t have £80k to pull out of our arses to buy a house!*

• for the record, five years and another kid later we did buy a house so thank heavens our kids are now protected from awful, tenant-folk and their ilk.

I;m a Catholic and I never ask about God or anything to do with the hereafter.

BLUETOPIA 😂 same here

If you find MN bad, try Etiquette Hell. Ooohhh my.
@Hollanda40, ooh I might have a lurk on there for a bit, sounds like it could be a fun.

I never get involved in drinking threads as there is only so much reality I can handle. Although my posting style pretty much tells you all you need to know .

Never, ever admit to being an OW.
Or even just a second wife. You are automatically the devil to the women of Mumsnet.

Anything relating to food.

Unless you're only eating avocados and quinoa, you're just consuming SUGAR and you NEED PROTEIN. Feeding your kid anything other any organic homemade hummus is akin to shoving crack cocaine into their months.

DO NOT EVER describe anything as gender specific or stereotypical (even if correct).

In fact, avoid gender altogether.

@checkingforballoons thank you for making my evening 🤣🤣🤣

Ha ha to penguin bollards. It was the solution to every single parking thread for a while. These threads now MUST have a well drawn diagram before anyone takes the OP’s side.

Do not post if you are a dog owner, all dogs are viscous and must never be off lead ever.

Neighbour farted log with 101

Don’t ever mention being on benefits or complain in anyway about being a council tenant

Zoflora everything

If you make any typos your argument is voided

@Hollanda40

Don't even consider living outside of a city/ large town if you have children because one day they will be teenagers. Nevermind that they are 6 now and you'd like them to see a cow and you currently live in a sink estate where they can't play out safely.

One day they'll need to get themselves about you abusive selfish cock womble.

Advice on transport/ commuting. Apparently everyone lives in London, and has exactly the same infrastructure. If anywhere doesn’t, then that’s just bad organisation and nothing to do with London getting far more public money per head. Ditto for schools.

@IAskTooManyQuestions 😂😂😂😂

It's the ones where the solution is 'learn to drive' that get me. Sure, because it's that simple. The thousands of pounds and probably several months required to learn to drive, pass a test and buy and maintain a car are really going to solve Sharon's problem about not being able to get to a job interview tomorrow morning because the trains are cancelled.

Some of the advice given out might as well be 'well, you should just time travel'.

eg the ones that say 'I made good decisions when I was in sixth form so that I wouldn't find myself in this position'.

Well, that's great, and very admirable. But it doesn't solve the problem of the people who thought they were making the right decisions in sixth form and subsequently found that things didn't work out.

Do not ever start a thread about parent and child parking spaces..... Same arguments going on for pages and pages!

Oh @HelloyouKant I'm intrigued by the thought of a viscous dog? Is that one who runs a lot? 😬

@Glurf

Cock wobble

🤪

@Esto

Er... if you aren’t getting on with your fella and he is being a sh**. He is immediately a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath (delete as appropriate).

These are serious personality disorders that can only be diagnosed by psychiatrists in RL, apparently on MN, everyone is an armchair one of those...

And never, ever say you're worried because you have been seated apart your DC when going on holiday, flying on a budget airline.
If you can't afford the extra fees to choose seats together as a family then you jolly well shouldn't fly. Really. Except at the moment you'll probably be told off for flying anyway - you are personally killing the planet.

You cannot own a dog unless you are at home 24 hours a day, and the dog must be a rescue. The dog must never ever be left alone. If you have any problems settling a dog in that you have already acquired, then you didn't do your research and wtf is the matter with you?