Advice or subjects that you should never ask on MN

[Bravelurker]

Do you ever feel like you have lived your entire life in an oblivious bubble after reading about 80% of responses on this site?
I mean, on common everyday things such as playing music in your own home or garden, or owning a jacuzzi or trampoline or worst of all smoking in your own garden?
Maybe it's because I'm super chilled or an oblivious arsehole (unlikely because I'm terrified of confrontation) but I had no idea how many things were widely considered anti social.
Disclaimer :This is not a moan from me as I only live in a flat so I won't be buying a bouncy castle any time soon. Also, thanks to AIBU, I have given up smoking as I had no idea that my cigarette smoke might be bothering my upstairs neighbours whilst I smoked on my balcony 😳.
So has anyone else been left with a '' christ, no wonder people hate me'' light bulb moment?

Not one Mumsnetter drinks in moderation. People either down two bottles of wine a night, just whilst cooking dinner, before moving onto the gin OR they have one small sherry every 29th February. Both of these groups are horrified by each other, particularly the latter who like to brand anyone who exceeds the sacred government guidelines as binge drinkers/alcoholics who need to go the GP to demand a place in rehab immediately. The big time boozers like to reassure everyone that as long as you’re not openly swinging from a bottle of absinthe on the school run you can’t possibly have a problem with alcohol.

Could I be pregnant? I had sex with DH a couple of weeks ago and I've felt funny ever since. Not had a period but it's not due yet. Don't want to do a test because I believe the tests are bad for the environment. Someone let me know?

@Lemonlady22 most of the names are totally bonkers too.

Was glad to learn from Mumsnet when I joined that due to my stepkids doing my head in occasionally I am 'evil'

If you're a man asking for advice about an ex wife don't bother MN says you're in the wrong.

'Line eyes' posts. Just why?! Wait a few days and POAS again. Yes the wait is shit but that's tough titty. If you're struggling to see a line, there's no way strangers on the internet can see it from a crap photo.

I love the reverse barometer for life. It’s so true.

Who's the baby daddy posts 🤦‍♀️

I would never ask for advice on wording something. The replies to those sorts of questions crack me up. Terminally ill relative asked for a kidney? Simply say ‘that won’t work for me’, or even better ‘no’ as it’s a complete sentence..

Never admit to putting 'plastic tat' in kids' party bags. Have you never heard if the Book People? 1000 books for £1! Perfect.
Never admit you enjoy a bar of Cadbury chocolate

I’m weird according to mumsnet because I answer my front door even when I’m not expecting anyone, get on with my neighbours and in-laws, and believe the more the merrier pretty much all the time, but especially at Christmas!

Nutrition. Attracts hordes of orthorexics and armchair dieticians obsessed with protein whilst having absolutely zero idea how much protein is in foodstuffs or, indeed, how much a person needs a day.

If you find MN bad, try Etiquette Hell. Ooohhh my.

If you are a step mum....don't even bother. The bio mum always wins hands down....even if she is an controlling, manipulative bi**....you get my meaning.

It’s only from mumsnet I know that everything should be logged with 101. The more unreasonable, selfish and ridiculous the better.

That cats only shit in mumsnetters gardens. Where contrary to normal behaviour they don’t bury it. Mine don’t shit in my neighbours and nobody else I know seems to have this problem, obviously because all cats within a 3 mile radius of any cat hating mumsnetter use their garden alone as a communal toilet.

That dog attacks generally happen when someone has a dog in public, often one that’s nowhere near you and not expressing any interest in being, but is off lead and under the control of the owner. The crazed attack can only be warded off by rudely screaming at the owner. Who will then need to call their dog to heel and approach you because they, and their dog, were too far away to hear your hysterical screeching properly.

Noise from children seems to create two militant camps:

1. Children make noise- parents can't stop it- live with it

2. Children should be silent on public transport and in supermarkets.

Another one is MILs re-dressing children or buying clothes for them!

Agreement is mainly reached on DHs who don't do enough at home, however.....

Any time my DH baffles me about something inconsequential or we have pissed each other off, I mentally write an AIBU post on MN to get some sage advice and amusing suggested responses.

And then I envisage the multiple posts saying that I'm being gaslighted, emotional or financially abused and that I should get my ducks in a row to leave the man I adore but am temporarily snarky with because he was a bit grumpy this morning.

So I don't bother, I tell him he's a grumpy twat and he says I'm over sensitive and we get on with our day. Is there an opposing term for misogynistic which equates to women hating on men, I'm not sure? Well, there's a lot of that.

Never ever ask about what your child eats. Or what you eat. It will be far too much/far too little, possibly simultaneously but without fail short of protein.

Why the NHS is not awash with people in their 30s with protein malnutrition is a constant source of mystery after reading MN nutrition threads - in reality the Western diet is not short of protein.

If MN gives it the thumbs up I know its completely bonkers and no one I've ever met in real life would ever do/say/think it.
If it's broadly disapproved of, I'm sorted and will adopt it straight away for life.*
brilliant.

In regards to the smoking thing, I had been flirting with the idea of quitting for ages, but the absolute pasting you get on here for it was the push I needed to shame me into quitting not for my own health or finances but for total strangers I will never see again or meet ever .

Don’t call anyone bestie or hubby or hun!

@Blutopia omg I thought I was the only one who does this!!!!!

Step-parent? BF got kids? Don't come anywhere near MN. Ever

I hated my step mum until I read this site!

Ooh and all slights, conflicts and minor handbags can be dealt with by using the phrase “did you mean to be so rude?”

Piercing baby's ears...

...anything safety related where your choice isn't "safety first". Or genuine questions about cleaning or food. All the freaks come out.

Seriously, I don't think anyone should ask baby name opinions. Choose a name you like. Use it. Be confident you can make a good choice without asking nosy strangers. You're a grown-up. You can do this.

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin what is a minor handbag??? I need one as DD uses my major handbag as a rubbish bin.

So it's obviously not just me that wonders who in the world buys music players /speakers and when you do, is the person that serves you and the other people in the queue blatantly shaking their heads at you as if you are buying a plastic making machine.