Advice or subjects that you should never ask on MN

[Bravelurker]

Do you ever feel like you have lived your entire life in an oblivious bubble after reading about 80% of responses on this site?
I mean, on common everyday things such as playing music in your own home or garden, or owning a jacuzzi or trampoline or worst of all smoking in your own garden?
Maybe it's because I'm super chilled or an oblivious arsehole (unlikely because I'm terrified of confrontation) but I had no idea how many things were widely considered anti social.
Disclaimer :This is not a moan from me as I only live in a flat so I won't be buying a bouncy castle any time soon. Also, thanks to AIBU, I have given up smoking as I had no idea that my cigarette smoke might be bothering my upstairs neighbours whilst I smoked on my balcony 😳.
So has anyone else been left with a '' christ, no wonder people hate me'' light bulb moment?

I think the posts where parents list what they give babies/toddlers to eat, with times, are quite funny. Do kids not eat normal food nowadays like cottage pie or roast chicken portions? Or a boiled egg. It's all carrot sticks, avocado and yoghurt and funny little drinks.

Breastfeeding all the time with the baby in a sling, even when a few months old. I must say I've never actually witnessed that but it must happen because there are so many posts about it!

The posts which talk about ways to be more environmentally friendly then someone glomps on insisting that just because you are vegetarian/using reusable nappywipessanitarys/not driving, you are still awful as you aren't vegan/making your own clothes etc etc. One upmanship posts. Sometimes the poor OP just asked for advice on how best to be environmentally friendly and you get the impression from some posters they live in evo friendly houses in the woods, live off the trees (no imported fruits or veg) and bathe in the streams, and that just trying isn't good enough.

I do sometimes check myself now on trains and buses and dc and i chat and point out things wondering if people think I'm performance parenting because I'm agreeing the train approaching is named after thomas and friends.

This place can be mental.

I was once called controlling, over-invested and weird because I'd put some sanitary towels in the bathroom in case dps daughter had started her periods so she didn't have to ask. The poster has such vitriol towards me.

I also remember someone claiming their baby reeked of smoke after being held for 2 minutes by someone who had had a cigarette 2 hours ago, changed and washed their hands.

If you're going to post a clever thread, maybe check if there isn't already an active one that's near identical.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3670063-mn-beginners-guide

I love this thread 🤣.

Never be a teacher and explain your motives for not allowing a 16 year old perfectly average child to interrupt your lesson by swanning off to the loo 10 minutes after lunch ended

I love to point out that there is no such thing as ‘single mum benefit’. I also love to be a voice of reason on the benefits bashing threads but it never ends well. Never ever.

I find the neighbours thread absolutely bonkers. Basically, if you have neighbours:

• Never smoke in your garden or in your home because the smoke will instantly go through the fence/walls and blitz kill your neighours.
• Never EVER listen to loud music. Not even once a month when you're deep cleaning your bathroom. Your music should be listened to in headphones AT ALL TIME or on mute. Neighbours, like children in the 50s, should be seen, not heard.
• Never EVER make any noise at all, actually: all arguments should be whispered, all dinner parties should be held indoors, in a soundproofed dining room. With no music.
• Never EVER have a BBQ because the smoke will make your neighbours' washing reek for at least a century and a half.
• If you can hear your neighbours, call 999 immediately. They're obviously criminals who deserve to be put to death.
• Unless it's kids: kids can be as loud as they want because you can't stop a toddler from crying/shouting/playing their little toy piano outside for 24 h straight. Kids are sacred.

Honestly, people: blast your music, laugh with your mates, have a BBQ, have parties, ENJOY YOUR LIFE! No one is entitled to total silence 24/7. Hearing your neighbours' music once in a while is not going to give you clinical depression. Get a grip.

Never criticise a teacher. That's teacher bashing. There is no such thing as a bad teacher, or a teacher making a mistake... and if they do it is YOUR CHILD'S FAULT... you are being one of 'those parents' etc

Even if they are claiming to know more about how to respond to a child's stammer than the speech therapist involved.

Aeroplane seat reclining.

don't admit you had a baby that when born fed every 2-3 hours and as they grew the feeds became less frequent and the sleeps longer too
don't admit that your baby did start sleeping more than 6 hours at night before 6 months or sleeps straight through the night 10+ hours before they are 1 you will be told you are either lying or stealth boasting when in truth most kids are sleeping all night by 1
if you suggest that by 1 they really should not be waking every 90 minutes you will be hung drawn and quartered!!!!

Never start a thread about a near accident while reversing out of a supermarket parking space.
You will be chastised by dozens of posters telling you it is SOOOO dangerous to reverse out and you should always reserve in to a space and drive out, as they all do.

All I can say is that there are very few of these MNetters using my local Tesco.
The majority drive in so that they can access the boot easily.
Then take their life in their hands as they reverse out!

Also don't admit that whilst having a newborn is extremely tiring, it can be perfectly manageable and not actually unrelenting misery. I mean, obviously if you have a baby who has colic or whatever, it is going to be unrelenting stress but I feel sorry for first time mums who are approaching this stage feeling nothing but panic at how awful it's going to be. Yes, be prepared that it might be harder than you imagined, but it's also fine to say 'you know what? It was fine. Tiring, but fine'.

Never express surprise when baby clinics can't or won't facilitate the most basic access facilities you might expect when bringing a baby in eg pram entry. That is so overentitled - you should walk there with your tiny baby(ies) in a sling no matter what birth injuries you may have suffered. Better yet, fork out whatever it costs for your own set of scales. When more services are cut, you can always blame the government rather than jobsworths stopping people from accessing them so it looks like they aren't wanted or needed.

If you're going to post a clever thread, maybe check if there isn't already an active one that's near identical.

Never post anything without doing a full sweep of a website used by millions just in case the topic has been covered.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Anything to do with salary/earnings, particularly if you dare to be remotely worried about affordability and you earn a decent salary!

Certain jobs - you know which ones!!

Food, anything to do with food. Or weight. Or body shape.

I have read lots of mad shit on here but one that sticks out in my mind was the one where the op was unsure whether she should bring her dog on a first date, to a restaurant. I thought the idea was bonkers, but every other poster, dozens of them, thought it was a very reasonable thing to do. Bonkers!

Fancying someone IRL who isn't your OH, even if you have absolutely no intention of acting on it.

Not having a FUCKING CLEANER.

If you don't eat out or have Date Nights at least once a week then there is clearly something very wrong with your marriage.

If you don't have at least four holidays a year you are to be pitied.

If your DH so much as glances at another woman or raises his voice, even if not in anger, he clearly disrespects you and you must LTB, even if you have nowhere to go.

Don't ask for advice if your mother is annoying you. Even if she's being an outright cow.

Because if you do, somewhere along the line, you'll be told you're very lucky she's not dead and how dare you be so ungrateful!

The long prose that some people must send as texts. Mine tend to consist of unless verrrrrr pissed! 'yep, see you then' or 'yeah let's get a takeaway,' or 'fucking hell, did you see xxx on telly?'
Yes, I know some people communicate better via text, and for people with certain disabilities, it makes sense/gives them a voice, but some of the suggested texts I see here make me chuckle

'if you suggest that by 1 they really should not be waking every 90 minutes you will be hung drawn and quartered!!!!'

And definitely, DEFINITELY do not even hint at the fact that you suspect your all night sleeping baby is something to do with formula feeding. Because IT ISNT OK it's all just a massive coincidence

Do not invite people to a wedding that requires them to travel anywhere, do not give any guidance about gifts and whatever you do make sure all children partners or friends they want to bring are invited too. Even then expect all your nearest and dearest to resent “having” to attend at all.

And definitely, DEFINITELY do not even hint at the fact that you suspect your all night sleeping baby is something to do with formula feeding. Because IT ISNT OK it's all just a massive coincidence

Thank you @StillCoughingandLaughing, nicely put.