To ask those of you who know an adult with high functioning ASD

[Tobythecat]

What are their lives like? Can they work, drive? Do they have a relationship? Do they live alone? If they don't work, what do they do? As someone with ASD i'm curious.

I know two people with ASD, both women. One can't work a paid job but volunteers once a week. Lives in a flat with her boyfriend, no kids. Can't drive. Has a somewhat active social life/goes to groups etc.
The other woman is married, two kids (both have asd). Doesn't work but has in the past, done a lot of studying and has two masters degrees. Can drive. Has a somewhat active social life.

Then there's me. Never had a job, can't drive, no kids, never had a relationship, have a degree and live alone. Have one or two friends and don't get out that much.

I am raising my son and happily married. Worked part time until January and now full time carer and home schooling my son.

My son has Aspergers. He is a trainee accountant locally after applying for over 300 jobs, having numerous interviews and constant rejections ( his CV is brilliant, he is highly literate and numerate, but struggled with interviews) By chance he applied for a job locally and the person interviewing him knew his referee who vouched for him! He still lives at home but is able to live independently ( he managed university!) He has no friends and doesn't go out, never had a relationship ( and claims he doesn't want one) and doesn't drive. He has had some issues at work with interpersonal relationships but they have been very patient and accomodating of his quirks!

I know a Woman with HF ASD, who works in John Lewis. She had a few issues to start with, mainly saying inappropriate stuff. She's now learned to play the retail assistant game.

She occasionally dates. Still lives with Parents, but that is because she likes expensive things.

She has a few friends. She's done really well. She really struggled with social relationships at school.

Me! Married, kids, only 1 friend. Current obsession is crochet x

I know of someone who was for several years a GP, raised 3 children and is still married. Another I recently met, also married, has 2 children, until children worked for local government and is looking to go back to work soon.
And lots more who I suspect but I'm not sure they've been diagnosed - some of these are very "successful".
And others struggle a lot more.
I also know one woman who thought she was a lesbian until her 30s (she's now bisexual I guess), she works for a University, has workplace accommodations but fulfills not an obvious job for someone with ASD.

What prevents you from working?

I live with my kind, patient, handsome husband (or at least I think he’s all those things!) Drive (badly), work full-time in middle management (specialist field). Hopefully doing a PhD in the near future. A few extremely close friends, a lot of happy acquaintances. I’m not the most confident socially but I mask it well and can hold the attention of a room (so I’m told - I wouldn’t be able to read their faces).

Struggle with severe depression and anxiety. Life is worthwhile but often hard.

My cousin probably has ASD, not officially diagnosed but suggested by a counsellor she was seeing for anxiety. She scores highly on self assessment questionnaires. She owns a house, is married, has friends and some hobbies. Works in a very technical role, earns well. No children, can’t cope with the thought of them.

I know loads. Some work and some don't. Some drive and some don't. Some have families. Some choose to socialise on their terms and others feel pressurised to.

My dd has Aspergers and works full time as a cyber security analyst. She doesn't drive and has no wish to learn as she says pavement rage is bad enough. She socialises on her own terms. Sometimes that means she needs a day of not speaking to people to recover.

I know a guy with HFASD. He's in the police, some some sort of detective kind of level

Me! Married, 2 children, work full time plus run a business.
No friends though :(

Dh has high functioning asd. Married (obviously ) drives, has dc and friends. Self employed.

Yes, I know a man with ASD. He went to a good uni, got a good degree, has a good job (v technical, no people management responsibility) drives quite happily and enjoys it. Has a wife and two children.

My Dad. When I was going through diagnosis for my twins I kept having lightbulb moments. Hes in his 70s now but still very much marches to his own beat.

He has 3 children, lots of grandchildren who adore him, happily married until my Mum died, has had number of small businesses, has written books. Larger than life character, but no awareness of his impact on others. Never conforms to anything he doesn't want to and generally doesn't give a shit about what people think!

Completely disorganised, can't manage day to day things like paying bills or remembering stuff.

The most generous and kind hearted person in so many ways.

He's like a pensioner version of my daughter(diagnosed ASD) and when I spoke to him about my suspicions, he was amazed as the penny dropped about so many things.

Disruptive behaviour, when he genuinely didn't think he was. Like getting expelled from school, for refusing to let the head cane him - why on earth would you go the heads office when you thought a) you thought it was a genuine question you had asked and b) it would hurt like hell.

Very logical!

Very self centric. But it upsets him if he's hurt someone and it's pointed out to him. Wont appologise. No awareness of being blunt, but he is very sociable and chatty, but monologues at people!
Very sensory, can only wear certain clothes, needs temperature to be cool and constant.

You know what? He's had a great life. Yes mum was the one who did most of the "Adulting" stuff, and now his kids do. But I think it's also a generational thing.

I stop worrying when I realise that if my kids are half as happy as him them they're going to be okay.

Quite a number of people at work are open about a similar diagnosis. They generally seem to enjoy their work (software developers), they have their own strategies to manage any aspects of work that are challenging (this is unique for each of them - some are fine in big meetings, some aren't, for example), they live independently in a major city, I can't comment on their relationship status outside work

My father. To be honest, I don't think he likes children much so sometimes wish he hadn't had any. As a teen, it was very hard to deal with those issues and led to me having mental health issues.
He did work (retired now), doesn't have friends - finds life very hard.

BiL. Married, 2 grown up children. Made a pile in IT during the 1980s/90s, retired at 40. I wont say his autism hasn't caused him difficulties (it definitely has) but he's also reaped great benefits from aspects of it.

My ex husband, electrical fitter, mainly worked on his own. Had various obsessions which were all consuming. Not a lot of friends, couldnt read people. Didnt cope with marriage or kids

My husband has Asperger's. He drives and works.

I have a friend with Aspergers. Shes been married a couple of times, has like 5 kids, has a full time high paying and intense job that she is excellent at, drives cars and motorbikes and is all round pretty sociable.

On the other hand she is quite self-centric and struggles to see things from other points of view, so is quite rigid in that way. Swings and roundabouts.

Someone in my family- they have a job (a cleaning job, but they love it), a fiance, tried driving lessons but found it too much but open to trying again in the future, a few friends but to be honest spends most of the time with fiance. What is your degree in?

The thing is that if you know one person with ASD, you know one person with ASD.

A family friend although she’s only 20- works in McDonald’s who are a brilliant employer for people who need additional support. She’s learning to drive but it’s been very hard going. I think she might be able to live independently

I understand that one of the main points about autism is that it affects everyone differently. Some people struggle more with some aspects than others . Do what you can manage, and don't worry too much about what other people do or don't manage.

One of my first cousins. He is a very senior software engineer and developer with a master's degree. In his mid-40s. Never had a relationship or kids. Lives at home. Drives plenty (very nice car). Closest to his family (has a number of first cousins close in age on both sides of his family) as friends. Brilliant at board games but very quiet and shy. He's brilliant intellectually and he is able to work from home quite a bit (he works A LOT).