To ask whether it is usual for married people in their 30s to have friends staying the night?

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My husband insists there is nothing unusual about wanting his friends (not our shared friends) to stay the night every so often, even though we're married and in our 30s. I usually need to get out of the way. No DC yet.

AIBU to think this isn't usual? Not saying it's a problem when it's only every so often, but I do think it's a bit unnecessary, especially when his friends only live half an hour away.

Staying over or having friends stay is totally normal. And fun.

Being excluded and asked to stay out the way is not.

Are you expected to not be in the house or do you just feel that way, because they arent your friends.

Is there a reason you cang go sit in a nother room or bedroom?

It's not usually for one partner to disappear out for a bit or upstairs, if the other friends are coming round.

Telling you, you must stay somewhere else to accommodate it, isn't ok. But ot doeant sound like that's what's happening.

Personally, I would stay elsewhere, because I want to. Not because dp would expect it.

I think it's fairly usual. There was a post just the other day about a mum who's dp does this so she happily takes the time to go and have a movie night with her dd upstairs in bed. The weird thing there was that one of the dp's friends girlfriends always insisted on coming if she knew she'd be in the house. That was the strange part - no one found her going upstairs strange. I think your feeling awkward is something you could address by thinking about it differently and using it as an opportunity to have some peace and alone time as the pp did rather than feeling you are forced out (I'm sure no one has ever said that to you?)

If I do want a private catch up I try to work it so he is out or at work and doesn't need to disappear off for the night because it's his home and I wouldn't really want to be kicked out of my home for the evening so wouldn't if I could do the same to him.

Yeah, normal.

My best friend is male. I quite often go round for the evening - his wife and I are friendly but don't have a huge amount in common. She goes up to bed with a book around 9pm and we'll stay downstairs and watch films until I fall asleep on the sofa and he goes up to bed.

She and I have a chat over coffee in the morning.

She's always more than welcome to stay and watch films with us; she chooses not to.

It's all good.

Having friends staying over is perfectly normal, even in your 40's! But Nothing specific has been said, but there's a bit of an atmosphere when I stay at home. this is not normal, and is really quite strange. I'm not surprised you are questioning this. What does your DH want to get up to that you need to be out of the way for?

I used to stay with a relative, through choice. It worked out well for everybody.

Now I don't need to, so they don't get many opportunities to have the house to themselves.

Specific example - DH's car needs fixing. Friend wanted to come over and help. I suggested a night this weekend and said I could be out, and come back at 10 or 11. DH asked he was thinking about inviting friend to stay over, couldn't I just stay out? Will already have seen my relative twice this week and my friends all have small DC so evenings aren't generally good for them. I don't really have anywhere to go.

DH and his friend saw each other a week or two ago and I came down to say hi, and after saying hi, the conversation continued as if I had never entered the room. So I went back up to the bedroom and stayed there. Which was fine - I was reading my book, just wanted to say hi so I didn't come across as rude.

None of this is a problem, honestly. I just thought it was all a bit odd and said so. Perfectly willing to be told I'm wrong.

Normal to have houseguests but unreasonable to expect one half of the hosting couple of disappear. If DH wants to relive his days in student houseshares then they can get an Airbnb every few months.

Staying over isn’t unusual.

Wanting you to go away is weird. And sitting there playing computer games all night is weird, IMO. Each to their own I guess, but I don’t find the thought of a man in his 30s sitting up all night with his friends playing co outer games even remotely appealing.

If you had friends staying over because you’d been socialising as a couple, fine. But it’s weird and exclusive. I wouldn’t be happy with that situation

My DH has a couple of nights a year where he sees his mates, they're on the PlayStation and whisky until daft o'clock, then all crash out. Both at our house and at theirs. They're nice guys and we all get on really well, but there's no way on this Earth that I'd want to hang around and watch them play. We might have dinner all together then I'll go and have some me time, seeing my own friends, watching a boxset upstairs or just have a long bath.

Now we're older, sometimes the girlfriends come too and we just crack open the wine and let the boys get on with it.

Point is, it's absolutely normal to have separate groups of friends and spend time doing things with them and not your partner. My DH will say 'we might have a boys' night on x date if you fancy coming/seeing your own friends that night?' And that's absolutely fine.

If he was actually asking me to disappear for a few hours, he'd be told to fuck off to the other side of fuck

What BlueBilledBeatboxingBird said.

Why the fuck should you be made to feel uncomfortable and unwanted in your own home?

Yeah it's usual. A lot of our friends are mutual and DH doesn't game but I don't have a problem with chilling upstairs with a glass of wine if DH and a mate are watching the football or something. Similarly if I'm having a female friend whose not particularly mutual over, DH tends to keep out of the way.

I've never even thought about it tbh. Being in your 30's doesn't mean you can't have friends to stay over.

As pp said, if you're drinking, it's a sensible option.

Just read your last post about him wanting you to stay away for the night when his friend was coming to fix the car? It’s so weird 😳

I don’t understand how he thinks it’s ok to ask you to leave your house as and when he feel like it?

Friend wanted to come over and help. I suggested a night this weekend and said I could be out, and come back at 10 or 11. DH asked he was thinking about inviting friend to stay over, couldn't I just stay out?

Having friends stay over is fine and normal round ours. Asking you to stay out of your own house or making you unwelcome in your own house is a load of old cock.

Those of you moaning and clutching your pearls - how about if it was a women's book club, wanting to discuss feminist classics and/or chicklit & romance, and the host's H insisted on staying in the room and butting in to change the subject of the conversation to something he was interested in?

But this isn't remotely similar to the OP's situation.

Is this a bad JOKE

You actually have to LEAVE your own home because your DH's mate comes over and has to stay the night ? are they 12 years old or something, he needs to get a grip grow up and blow a ruddy mattress up in the front room for his mate, if he can't sleep without his mate nearby.

this is beyond weird, in his treatment of You his WIFE OP.

I think DH thinks it is a bit awkward me sitting upstairs on my own too, honestly. He'd feel more relaxed if he knew I were off having fun somewhere else. I don't think there is any more to it than that.

I don't think it matters what's 'normal' here, the fact is it upsets you and he's not making it nice for you. Seems unkind.

I wouldn't have mentioned it when I was with xh, but now I've been single a while and had time to reflect on relationships from a distance, I'd respect my own feelings more. In fact I'd be listening very carefully to them. Wanting to exclude you in this way does not bode well.

Is he generally thoughtful and supportive towards you?

I don't like the sound of your husband, OP. Neither he nor his friends seem to have any social skills whatsoever and all of them sound very entitled.

It really isn't normal to expect your wife to stay out of the house overnight when your friends come round.

Unusual over here. I would be quite happy to have friends stay over who have travelled from afar but if they only lived 30 minutes away I would be expecting them to go home. I also wouldn't be leaving my home or making myself scarce so someone could stay over! What is wrong with your presence? I don't know many gamers though, I have always just thought it was for kids and something you grow out of as you deal with other responsibilities. Clearly not though, if it is only now and again, I think that is ok. You could use the time to go out yourself. Or ask your partner to rotate gaming nights at his mate's house?

I do not think you should have to stay elsewhere overnight so they can game!

Staying over isn't weird, my husband has his friends over for board game nights and usually 1 or 2 who live a bit further away stay in the spare room. I'm welcome to play too if i want but i dont often exercise that right . Im usually either pottering around in the kitchen etc or I head up to bed when I'm ready. It's fine, it prob only happens once every 6m or so?

Ps we also have other friends who stay over, couple friends who stay after a late dinner because they live a bit of a drive away etc.

I think DH thinks it is a bit awkward me sitting upstairs on my own too, honestly. He'd feel more relaxed if he knew I were off having fun somewhere else.

What's awkward is him commandeering the front room or rather the entire house, for himself and his mate. I think his excuse and his behaviour is selfish to the core.

Is it because they've been drinking and they're too cheap to pay for a taxi home? I can't think of another reason why they'd need to stay overnight.

What a stupid comment. I assume all your friends only live in walking distance.