To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

I would think you were a bit pretentious too.

Really don't understand how working hard and celebrating an achievement is pretentious?

We really need to start celebrating achievement in this country.

My DH is Dr. Mr always makes me think of his Dad. shudder. Use it. People treat my DH like a demigod, particularly at school.

looking forward to the update.

What's your PhD in? (if it's in astrophysics that rather strengthens the case ...)

It's beyond me why anyone would use professions qualifications as a title socially. With the Dr thing, it is assumed you are a medical Dr, which is understandable enough.

I can see why you’d want to, but people will assume you’re a medical doctor and that could lead to a lot of explaining what you’re actually a doctor of

It usually goes:

Is that miss or mrs?
Dr actually.
Oh ok puts dr.

Occasionally I will get ooh what do you do, i reply I’m a research scientist. Sometimes that starts a conversation, sometimes not.

It’s not tricky, or difficult, and most people manage to grasp it without difficulty, or a lot of explaining

It's much more sensible for them to make an announcement for medical help than to sift the medical doctors out of the PhDs

This. Especially as i’d rather an a+e nurse, paramedic or qualified first aider than a dermatologist or gp that hasn’t refreshed his emergent skills in 20 years.

I use mine widely. A lot of female academics in twitter changed their user name to eg DrEightToSixer to raise awareness of female PhDs.
My postman always assumes post to me is for my DH, so do delivery drivers. My best friend is male and an academic and when we go for dinner and I put my bank card down (Dr name on the front) servers usually present the card machine to him.

These are all teachable moments to use a phrase I hate, but it's very important to feminism and equality that people use their title when they want to.

I agree with the earlier poster that female academics often get called by their first name at conferences etc.
I'm more resolute recently to use my title as my name boss doesn't have his PhD and has asked his female employees with PhDs not to use their title as it undermines him. This makes me much more determined to use it!

I’m a medical doctor and sometimes I use Dr and sometimes I don’t. Whenever I use Dr people assume I am a man (eg when I got whisky instead of sugared almonds as a favour at a wedding - there is so much wrong with that I don’t know where to begin but at least I got the whisky!). I say use it if you want - or depending on the situation.

However I’m a bit surprised by the general feeling that PhDs earned their title more than medical doctors. Both varieties of Doctor have worked extremely hard for their title and should use it if they wish. It’s really not a competition!

I’m an academic but don’t do the doctor thing outside work because I think it’s a bit twatty tbh. Yes it’s hard to get a PhD but lots of people in other professions achieve things just as hard but don’t have letters after their name. My previous job was much more physically, emotionally and intellectually challenging but didn’t earn me a title. Young women do get patronised and demeaned but I don’t think the way to address it is pulling rank.

@Cleanandpaidfor what do you use if you have to give a title then?

I don’t think of it as “pulling rank” any more than a woman who uses Mrs.

If we had the equivalent of Mr it may not be so much of an issue. But women are judged on title;

Miss- Sad lonely old cat ladies.
Mrs- woohoo! bagged a man and now no one will think i’m a sad lonely old cat lady.
Ms- sandal wearing lesbian
Dr- twat.

Not much of a choice, is it? I’ll go with twat. At least I’m an intelligent twat.

Bluebluezoo
Ms

People who think it sounds a bit twatty, sound a bit twatty tbh. It's either jealousy (from those who don't have a PhD), or a perception that one will be judged (those who do).

If you were a duchess, you would use the official title where appropriate, but would answer to Kate. Although that might be a bad example, I think she worked way harder for that title than if she'd done a PhD.

You’ve worked hard for the PhD. Use the title! Don’t feed bad about it!

PamPooveysCow ok I'm prepared for you to find me twatty. That's ok. I'm not , however, prepared to wield my title at the school gates, or on flight bookings or in any of my many other out-of-work activities. Nor would I use Lady or Princess or Colonel or whatever. It's just something I did for work.

I rarely use Dr and surprised all my colleagues when they discovered it. However when someone asks Miss or Mrs I take pleasure in answering Dr.
On reading this thread I agree with the previous poster that we should be using our titles to challenge misogynistic assumptions.
I am quietly very proud of my doctorate - I worked incredibly hard to achieve it and went through emotional hell with undiagnosed ADHD. But I am too embarrassed to use it regularly.

Using Dr is not the same as listing professional qualifications!
It is the correct form of address for some people. It is their title, not the name of their qualification. There is a difference.

I'm one of those people who said it was a bit twatty. I was envisioning a situation where everyone else is first names and then the Dr. Is insisting other to refer to them as Dr. Yes, I've met quite a few these types of people. Everyone else is John, Jane and Steve and then one is Dr. Smith. Eventhough John also has a PhD. This to me is a bit twatty. Basically everyone else introduced themselves with firstname lastname and that one person goes Dr. Jane Smith. I do roll my eyes at this.

If the situation is that you are filling in a form. Go for it. If otherwise you would introduce yourself as Mrs or Miss. Then go for the Dr. If someone refers to you as Mrs. Then if advice to read the room if it's a good idea to correct them (same advice with any name related correction).

I’d use it all the time too - you ARE a Dr now, not Miss or Ms. It’s a great idea to use it for that reason alone!

I bet you, no man with a PhD would drop the hard-earned title in favour of Mr. Why are we so worried about perceived showing off?

JonSnow as a matter of fact my lovely clever husband doesn't use his "Dr" either.

Why are we so worried about perceived showing off?
Because lots of posters on this thread are telling us we are a bunch of twats, when I think anyone with an iota of common sense would realise you would use it when the situation arose.
So if I meet a new colleague at work, I would introduce myself as Wanker.
If I'm performing a role in my job outside of.my usual workplace I would introduce myself as DrWanker.
If I'm at Starbucks and they ask.my name I'll say John.
If I'm at the car dealership and they are treating me like a piece of dirt because I have boos I take great pleasure in saying That's DrWanker to you and taking my business elsewhere.
I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I don't think I deserve better service but it is up to us to challenge misconceptions about people and be proud of our achievements instead of kow-towing to this nonsensical inverse snobbery.

Use it! You earned it! I am always delighted to refer to another woman as "Dr X."

I feel like one way to counteract all the sexist micro-aggressions we wade through every day is to do "micro-feminisms" like insisting on Ms (because none of your damn business if I have a husband or not, Call Centre Guy) and using the titles we have earned. Maybe the next person you correct will think twice about patronising a woman who looks like she's twenty. And if she doesn't happen to have a PhD, you have just struck a feminist blow for her, too, by challenging their assumptions.

Lean in! Take up space!

It's an interesting debate, and I of course would always encourage women to stand up for themselves.
Many years ago I had a job in the media and we used to rightly cringe at the "don't you know who I am ?" approach used by some in that field. It's not that I'm not proud of my qualifications, but I think that using them in my private life would be marking myself out unnecessarily. Particularly when some of the most intellectual people I know have no qualifications at all.

Those who say they’ve never been patronised, really?

It’s little things. When I received a cheque off a business addressed to “mr bbz” and the bank wouldn’t cash it, the business told me to put it in my husbands account- i wasn’t married or even in a relationship.

When i research, book and pay for a holiday and on the correspondence dh is switched to lead passenger.

When the estate agent addressed communication to dh, including in emails to me, when the house was in my sole name.

When i’m asked “what does your husband do” at social events, but not what I do.

When schools send out all communication to me only, when dh is given as first contact.

When dr’s, plumbers, mechanics, financial advisors, electricians etc address dh over me, and then have to do an obvious mental readjustment when it becomes clear dh has no clue, i do.

It’s everywhere. And yes I do think you notice it more if you use “dr”, and there really is an attitude change when people ask for your title. It’s hard to describe, but you almost don’t realise you have been patronised until you say “dr”, then they stop and it is very, very noticeable.

Of bloody course you should use it! At every available opportunity! My mum would actually tell people (as bluntly as was needed) to call her Dr rather than Mrs or Miss, you've worked for your PhD and you deserve that title!

Clean, why would you use any title at all at the school gates? If someone at the school gates asked me my name and I said Mrs Poovey instead of Pam, that would look twatty. Anyway, school just call me "DD's mum'.

Surely this thread is about whether you should use the correct title, rather than whether you should use a title at all? If it is, why not just use it? Why pretend you don't have a title that you do?

That being said OP, don't use it if you visit a hospital, unless it's in a professional capacity of course.