To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

I use mine and I love it !!!!

When I was registering my girl bast--- ex hit the roof when the registrar put my title on the birth cert

Loser

Gives me endless amount of joy

Especially to the people who look down on me 😘😘😘😘😘😘

I use Dr because it is my title and I worked hard for it. I’m a medical doctor yes so it’s related to my job, but I don’t understand people saying I shouldn’t use it outside of work, it’s my title, I haven’t been “miss” for years so don’t know why I would use an inaccurate title?

It was also very helpful when I got married as I really didn’t want to be “Mrs” (as other have said, felt it was unnecessary for everyone I meet to know that I’m married). Could have gone for “Ms” but again didn’t see why I should change my title, happily just stayed as “Dr” and problem solved.

I think you should use it, it’s yours, you earned it, who cares what anyone else thinks.

You worked your arse off for that title. Use it.

As for the condescending thing I get you. I'm 31 and get ID'd everywhere. Most people assume i'm my 9 year olds sister- I even got charged the child price on the ski lifts in Italy last year. All fun and games and very 'flattering' until I'm in the work environment and I'm treated like an office junior when in fact I'm professionally chartered and have a masters degree.

Serious question and not being an arse towards the married woman who don't use Mrs as they don't want to broadcast marital status. Each to their own and I respect everyone's personal decisions.

Do you wear a wedding ring?

As already said, not a question to start shit stirring.

No Phil, I don't wear a wedding ring.

I am Dr. Gaslight whenever it suits me. I have noticed a rise in the squeamishness of middle class 'old universty' types in my profession since more and more women and people from 'non-traditional' academic backgrounds have been gaining doctorates. This oh dear using your title is cringeworthy i.e. bad taste brigade can fuck right off.

Not sure why some of the doctors on this thread feel the need to put down medical doctors in order to boost their own self-esteem.

"Just followed a course of study" and emphasising that "medical doctors just get to use a courtesy title" is unnecessarily rude.

You can be proud of your own work without diminishing others.

I dont think anyone is putting down medical doctors- just pointing out that those on the thread who are saying that only medical doctors should use their titles outside of work actually dont have a valid point.

Interesting point about not wearing a wedding ring. I bet most people do. I do. But then I used to use Dr to conceal that I was an unmarried mother.

"Just followed a course of study" and emphasising that "medical doctors just get to use a courtesy title" is unnecessarily rude.

Yes, and smug until the flight attendant asks them to help a passenger in a medical emergency. Here’s what’s happening in the flight attendants mind at the precise moment they find the person has booked with that title based on the fact they have an in-depth knowledge of 17th century Romanian architecture, ‘fuck, fuckity fuck, so they are not a real Dr, fuck, fuckity fuck, I need to put out a general call in case the next person who has booked in under the title Dr is an expert in 16th century clay pot making and is also of fuck all use’. Strangely the flight attendant will rarely stand there and marvel at the effort they went to in order to achieve their title.

@FaFoutis thanks for the reply.

Just got into a chat with my wife about this thread (it's an interesting one) and I asked her why she changed to Mrs .... she said she just followed tradition.

We then googled all the different things she could have done with her name (and to a point me as well) and there are shed loads of things. Too complicated for a Tuesday morning.

@Fyette You worked hard for your PhD, use Dr and be proud of your achievements. There is nothing wrong with that.

The mid-air medical emergency situation is a complete red herring. They don't look through a passenger list, they ask for a medical practitioner to volunteer.

I rarely use Dr Badb, although I'm often introduced as such for work (academia, not medicine). I will use it pointedly sometimes, though. I also look quite young (though not quite as young as I looked pre-children!), and sometimes people can be quite patronising and unprofessional when they come to my office, or in lectures/seminars. I try to preempt it by writing my name with the 'Dr' on the board for the first few classes, or have in on my slides, but I generally encourage them to use my first name tbh. If they are being arsy, especially in emails, I sign off with the 'Dr'. If they write Mrs/Ms/Miss Badb, they will also get the formal 'Dr' sign off.

I never use it for banks, utilities etc, and will usually use 'Ms' when I need to use a title. Except, weirdly, recently while booking flights with a big national airline, where the only options for title were 'Mrs', 'Miss', or 'Dr'. I was annoyed that 'Ms' wasn't there and so chose 'Dr' but now I wish I hadn't because of course I am imagining there will be a medical emergency on the flight and I will be down as 'Dr' on the manifest and I'll have to say "sorry, not the useful kind" when they come looking for me. All because of what was probably a glitch in the title drop down box :|

Ha, cross post with you FaFoutis. Yes, I know it doesn't really happen.

The mid-air medical emergency situation is a complete red herring. They don't look through a passenger list, they ask for a medical practitioner to volunteer.

Nope, not always. Depends on situation and possibly airline (I’ve not been on them all obviously so can’t speak for all). I was approached on many occasions due to passenger list and I know this has been common amongst colleagues also. In fact, I wised up after a while and booked under ‘Ms’. If there was a call out then at least you have a choice, basically the strategy is to see if others get up and then make a conscience call if it’s obvious the person trying to deal with the heart attack is a dermatologist with limited practical skills in this regard .

"sorry, not the useful kind"
It depends on the emergency. If critical thinking was needed we could help out.

I'm a Dr but I hate using the title and only use it if professionally necessary.
Being a young-ish female I do get patronised from time to time but generally don't care for the opinions of those individuals. Fuck them!
That's just me though, you should do what you like and embrace it!

If indeed flights do look down for a Dr title in an emergency, this would be very silly (it's never happened to me but I don't fly that much).

Consultants use the title Mr and nurses don't have a title (in general)- so you would be missing out people with genuine expertise.

Anyway- in general, given the under=representation of women in academia I think using the Dr title when asked for a title is is a reasonable thing to do. Faux modesty is not necessary or useful for an under-represented group.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28437214

Men introduce men as Dr or Professor more often than they introduce women in the same manner.

It's a gender issue

It’s interesting how many Doctors on this thread feel like they get patronized by people in day to day life. Its probably obvious in the way I write but I’m not at all academic yet I rarely feel patronized. ( Perhaps I’m too much of a thickie to notice 😂). I wonder if people who believe they are highly intelligent are more sensitive to how they are treated by other people? Perhaps their ‘intelligence’ is such a huge part of their own identity that any suggestion that they are not intelligent is seen as more of a slight than it would be by someone who is not academic.
I think having a PhD or being a medical Doctor is an amazing achievement but I don’t think it automatically makes you ‘cleverer’ in general things. The Doctors and the other Doctors 😉 in this household certainly aren’t.

It’s interesting how many Doctors on this thread feel like they get patronized by people in day to day life
It's probably the contrast between how academics are generally treated at work and how people (women) are treated in society.
I get lots of respect at work and expect people to listen to me. The real world is not like that for women.

It’s interesting how many Doctors on this thread feel like they get patronized by people in day to day life I have never felt this either til I have had to get healthcare for my very sick relative and it's been a nightmare. I don't think I'm alone- if you go on any thread about misdiagnosis/state of the NHS then you will read reams about doctors who really don't listen very much or are just too busy to do a thorough job. Hospital consultants (who are 90% male middle-class) are very patronizing indeed and medicine is a very hierarchical profession.

I don't experience it in every day life which is why it is a horrible shock to be patronized, talked over and dismissed especially when I am educated at a level and in the sphere I can read medical papers. Several times I have spotted errors in medication, or side-effects which have turned out on testing to be the problem but were dismissed initially by the GP. These errors were life-changing.

So, yes, I do feel patronized by many in medicine, and not justifiably either. My relative would be bed-bound or dead if I'd deferred to authority at that point.

I have never felt this either til I have had to get healthcare for my very sick relative and it's been a nightmare.

For me it was pregnancy. I have never felt so patronised as I did throughout my antenatal care. And my hospital notes said 'Miss' (the booking in midwife did it without asking me - presumably because DH and I have different surnames, though we are in fact married, and I couldn't be bothered to change it), but health care professionals were notably, infuriatingly nicer to me and less likely to treat me like an absolute idiot when they asked what my job was.

You better believe I use mine...I really don't get why on earth it's seen as "naff" in this country...I read these threads and wonder why on earth there is such a culture of downplaying intelligence or degree status in this country. I was in my 40s when I did mine, raising 2 young dcs, and it was hard work. My supervisor told me at the beginning that middle aged women with children were the most likely to drop out before completion, and I made it to the end. So, I feel like my title is hard earned! Dr Sweebabycheezits it is!😁

YABU to NOT use it. Regardless of this issue you earned that! You worked bloody hard. Definitely use your title all of the time