To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

DH has a PhD in an obscure branch of nuclear physics and although mostly people just ask for names now, if asked he'd say Dr instead of Mr. Why would he not? It's his title and he worked hard for his doctorate.

What I think is a bit odd is medical doctors who use Dr outside of their professional sphere as that's their job title and hardly any of them have research degrees.

A very dear friend of mine who has sadly died had a PhD and very rarely used it outside of his profession (he worked in a University). Outside of work, the only placed he ever used it was at the bank. For some reason, things got done for him more quickly in the branch. He was one of the most unassuming people you could ever meet. I do miss him.

If you want to use it, use it. It won't stop you getting asked for ID in a pub though. You wouldn't walk up to the bar and say, "I'm Dr so and so, a pint of Stella please."

Be prepared to be called to attend every medical emergency on flights/coach trips etc if you use your doctor title! Several of my relatives have non medical doctorates and stopped using the title outside of work because you get called to help as a medic, then have to explain you're a doctor of literature/psychology/engineering and can't help, and get the very annoying response 'oh you're not a real doctor then!'

This has never happened to me or any of my friends, in 25 years.

The chances of anyone coming across a medical emergency in public are slim. The chances of that person having a phd and it being in a situation like a flight where title is recorded is highly unlikely.

Most medics i know have never been asked either. Not sure what help a dermatologist or psychiatrist would be in an emergent situation, you’re better with a qualified first aider or paramedic.

All the people saying that their friends have PhDs and don’t use the title outside of work...my friends probably say the same thing about me but that’s because they don’t hover over me whilst I fill out a form online which has a drop-down menu of title choices or a tickbox form which includes the option of Dr.

I certainly don’t introduce myself as Dr but then I would never introduce myself as Miss/Mrs/Ms either. But in a situation where I am specifically asked for my title then I will state Dr. Am not married - never took DP’s name. And yes, it is more satisfying to be able to say Dr Noodle than Miss Noodle .

I use mine. I don't care if people think I'm a twat. It's useful for de-gendering; oh the surprise on (usually) men's faces when they're expecting another chap! I worked hard and it is very useful professionally. I've never once been asked to sort anything medical out.
This discussion came up on the TES forums a few years ago (I used to teach). The anti-intellectualism was rife; apparently teachers should not use it because it makes them seem a dick. Well rubbish to that! I think all of us women with PhDs or MDs are inspiring to young girls, and proof you don't need to be male to be a doc!

Anti-intellectualism on teacher forums? And people judge those who use private education...

I had a science teacher who used his dr title.

I was curious as the only dr’s i had ever known were gp’s/hospital.

That was the first time i’d even heard of a phd.

If we want people going into cancer or medical research we need to advertise the pathways and make it a prestigious career.

That teacher was how i discovered scientific research existed as a career.

The attitude of people on this thread who would have you hide it, are some of the reasons it’s a crap career in this country. It’s not competitive, and millions are leaving for abroad or more prestigious careers which come with the associated pay packet.

OP why not work on your own personal gravitas rather than using a title to give you it?

your own personal gravitas

OP why not work on your own personal gravitas rather than using a title to give you it?

Why don’t married women work on their own personal respectability rather than using a title to give it to them?

So what does “working on your own personal respectability” look like in the real world?

What does “working on your own personal gravitas” look like in the real world?

Mrs is used to let others know a particular status so people will judge you differently, and see you in a more positive light. Why is that any different to using dr?

I use mine, bloody earned it (unlike physicians who just got it as a historical thing!)

Personally I use it, but if people don't use it I don't get the hump - if people ask I say 'Mrs or Dr as I'm both so I don't mind'

I do get the rage when people insist though - that's a bit 🙄

I use it (whilst channelling my inner personal gravitas - double boom 😂).

As someone with very few qualifications I'd be happy for you to use it. Some people still think Dr = older male, so you'd be helping change attitudes.

I agree with pp who said it depends what you mean by "using your title".

I got my PhD last month
[Pauses expectantly for round of applause. Maybe not].

It's been a non-issue.

• Where I was Biblio before, I'm Biblio now. This is 99% of the time. I can see why there might be an eye-roll or two if I insisted on Dr Mania where I would previously have been Biblio.
• In the rare situation where I was Ms Mania before, I'm Dr Mania now.

So I both do and don't use the title. Titles don't come up much and I don't force the issue, but if you're going to use a title, it might as well be the correct one.

Mrs is used to let others know a particular status so people will judge you differently, and see you in a more positive light. Why is that any different to using dr?

I disagree. People use Mrs and Dr because they are factually accurate (as in “I am married” or “I have been awarded a PhD for an original published piece of research”).

It’s irrelevant to me whether people view me differently because of which title I use. That’s their issue, not mine.

Round of applause for bibliomania

I am not a twat and I use my title.... when I have made bookings, for example, at a hotel, when we check in they always assume my husband is the “Dr” 🙄 In the 🇺🇸 I used to get refused to use my credit/debit cards as they thought I was using Daddy’s card.... I looked about 20 at the time... men never hesitate, women work just as hard.... USE IT!

I’m with @bluebluezoo on this. Surely using Mrs is equally twatty to signal your marital status. To the ‘oh it’s twatty’ pp’s, do you use Mrs if you’re married? Because you could equally use Ms couldn’t you. Why the need to broadcast your marital status?
Dr is a title I use on forms etc. or that others use to introduce me. I don’t introduce myself as hello I’m dr xx.
@Motherofacat Just because they may not use Dr with patients ( we tend to just go with first names) I bet they do on official stuff.
Out of interest us practitioner psychologists have prac. doctorates as opposed to PhDs. It requires a large clinical practice element as well as a research thesis. Does this make me extra twatty to use Dr?

Props to you @bibliomania! Well done!

I use my title when people are being twats on the phone etc. It's hilarious to go from being mansplained to hearing them trip over themselves to do their grown up voice within the space of half a sentence 🤣

I do agree that generally though, people with PhDs think others who use the title habitually outside of work are a bit full of themselves.

@AWitchesHat

I’m with @bluebluezoo on this. Surely using Mrs is equally twatty to signal your marital status. To the ‘oh it’s twatty’ pp’s, do you use Mrs if you’re married? Because you could equally use Ms couldn’t you. Why the need to broadcast your marital status?

As I explained above. I'm married, have a PhD, and use 'Ms', as I have since i was a teenager.

I don't want to broadcast my marital status or my academic qualifications.

I use Dr occasionally if it is either directly relevant (at work) or if it might have a tangible effect on the outcome of an interaction.

I never, ever, ever, ever use Mrs, as it is never relevant.

Short version: yes, I think that using Mrs is more twatty than using Dr, but I think that using either is twatty unless there is a genuine reason.

I use Mrs if I have to but I hate doing so. I also would not use Doctor unless it was I a professional setting.

I'm mildly annoyed every time I'm asked for my title tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️. Wherever possible I just go by my actual name.

Using Doctor outside of work as your title because you think people will respect you more is a bit sad really. I think using it to disguise your sex is more understandable.

Using title such as Sir or Earl or whatever is really cringe. It's 2019! Titles should not be relevant anymore.