To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

Using the title Dr creates a whole new set of issues! For example: DP and I had a solicitor appointment for Dr Bizzy and Mr DH. The solicitor unthinkingly said “Hello Dr Bizzy!” and shook DP’s hand. Then shook my hand with embarrassment as he realised I couldn’t possibly be Mr DP. Similarly when I paid for our dinner on my credit card and a different waiter came running out after us to say there was a problem with the payment... immediately saying to DP “Sorry Dr Bizzy we need your credit card again”.

It happens A LOT. As does the assumption (on paper) that we must be two gay men. I still use the title because it makes people treat me with more respect and less like a blonde airhead.

@BizzzzyBee I bet his face was priceless.

I personally would only use it if I was a medical doctor. I work alongside clinical psychologists with doctorates so technically doctors. I did ask why none of them refer to themselves as Dr Surname and they made a good point about the social perception of doctors as medical professionals who although are respected are also 'otherly' to most people. As psychologists part of developing a good therapeutic relationship is to engage with the client so why would you want to separate yourself?

Meh, surprised by people thinking you shouldn't, everyone I know is a Dr (university town). I'd rather go title-free but if people ask you Mrs/Miss/Ms, it is great to be able to say 'Dr'.

My title at work is Professor, so I feel quite modest putting Dr on bills etc :-)

But that's a professional use. Do you think only medical doctors should use it as their title (when a title is requested) in a non professional context?

Sorry, that was in response to motherofacat. And other posters who think medical doctors can use Dr on their bank account, but not PhDs/DPhils.

ALSO further to what pp have said you owe it to kids to demonstrate that women can be Drs. I once went to a science event in a primary school with a female colleague and the teacher introduced us as Dr Hendrik and Dr Colleague. A kid asked us if we were men since we were called Dr (and several others clearly wanted some explanation of this anomaly). He must have been quite confused, at least Dr Colleague has an hourglass figure...!

Use it, I would! I’d be so bloody proud of myself if I were you! Go you Dr F!

Ah, you see I like being “otherly” as you put it, and being treated like I have a brain. People are more helpful and explain things more because they assume you can understand what they’re saying. Right or wrong, it creates a positive expectation of the type of person you are.

Interestingly a medical doctor is less entitled to use the Dr title. The vast majority do not hold doctorates, the title is merely respectful. Unlike someone with a PhD who actually has a doctorate.

PhD here too. I use my title when I’m asked for it. Nearly all the academics I know (in several universities) use theirs too. #ImmodestWoman

Seriously YANBU. Use with pride

SarahAndQuack

Likewise, there is no need to agonise that people who don't give a flying fuck are going to be embarrassed by you using Dr. IMO, that attitude actually says more about you. You think it's super-special and you're carrying it around like a special certificate that everyone will envy. Realistically, though, they won't care. They'll just tick the box.

I think you misunderstood my post (to put it diplomatically).

I don't 'agonise', I don't think it's 'super special' (why would I? My husband, MIL, my ex, and a lot of my friends have PhDs, and none of them use the title either), and I don't think that anyone would 'envy' it.

You've entirely invented all of that.

I don't imagine for one moment that anyone gives a shit. That's why I don't use it.

@NewAccount270219 See, I think deliberately invoking it in that situation when you wouldn't normally is way wankier than having a blanket policy of using it as your title. I would sign a letter to my MP 'Anne Smith', as I would to anyone else - why should they think I'm more important than any other constituent because I have an PhD? - but I'd put 'Dr' on the MOT form because I have to put something so why not make it match the bank card I'm paying with? I use it all the time but I never deliberately use it to pull rank as apparently you do.

Well, you can have whatever opinion you like. You can think it's wanky if you like. I call it pragmatism.

I've noticed that in situations where I need to make a formal complaint, it can make a difference - and as someone else said, it means I can avoid using my first name and hide that I'm female, which probably helps to get me taken seriously too.

Whether it's an age thing, a sex/gender thing, or a 'status' thing, I don't give a toss if it actually means I have a marginally better chance of getting a response.

I'm not white, and spent a lot of years with wild hair and facial piercings, carting young children around, and in that situation it was sometimes helpful to use my title as it can make people listen to you more who would otherwise dismiss you. Shit, yes, but that's reality. If I was incredibly beautiful, had a cut-glass accent, alabaster skin and golden hair, or was dripping in diamonds, that would also probably make a difference, but sadly none of those things will ever be true in this lifetime.

I use my title professionally because it matters and is relevant to my work, and I use it when it might be of practical help. Using it in other situations is, as I said, wanky. And I don't know anyone else who uses i in everyday life either.

Goodness why would you not use it? You earned it. Use it. Ignore all the people saying it means nothing, it's a great achievement. A close friend of mine has a Phd and we all call her doc, even though her title now is Professor.

And she absolutely gets better service, more responses in some places because of it.

Inspired by this thread I used my Dr title to book into a Premier inn today. 🤣

Use it. I Do.

And GP s don't have PhD s so aren't actually Doctors, anyway

Dr Miley has a nice ring to it much better than my doctors name which is Doctor Crappa lol (I think he is polish)

I have never used my Dr. title, neither has husband or my mum.
Just doesnt seem important to me, but then again none of us are big on any title, never used Mum or Dad even.....

So op? Whaddya think?

Any thoughts?

Thought not

You'll come over as a twat, DH has one (+ Prof. title), I have Dr. (PhD), we only use them in professional settings.

I always think people who insist on using them in day to day life unless a title is really needed come over as insecure and trying to big themselves up.

As we get older we tend to use the titles less and less.

There used to be an old guy on FRC who called himself Dr James because he had a PhD ... he was stalking a woman on there called Sue. I'd try to help her but he wouldn't take no for an answer ... what was funny is that he couldn't even drive so he used to follow her around on a bike (this is true even though it sounds unbelievable) He eventually was banned from a lot of site she was on for being a troll.

If you're at work, and the doctorate is appropriate to the work, I think it's fine. If you're a professor, for example. But I think it is possible to overdo it--much like wearing a tiara to the grocery store. Not all of our treasures need to be displayed at all times.

What line of work are you in?

Be prepared to be called to attend every medical emergency on flights/coach trips etc if you use your doctor title! Several of my relatives have non medical doctorates and stopped using the title outside of work because you get called to help as a medic, then have to explain you're a doctor of literature/psychology/engineering and can't help, and get the very annoying response 'oh you're not a real doctor then!'

I think people are having really different scenarios on how OP is planning on using it. Are we talking about situations where she would otherwise be referred to as Mrs. And then correcting them that's ita actually a Dr (or if shed normally say im mrs. Op and then changing it to dr op) Or are we talking about adding it to situations where titles are not used. Like when everyone else just uses full name without title and then using first names and OP insisting on being referred to as Dr. It comes across very differently.

If everyone else just shakes hands and says "Jane Smith, nice to meet you" and OP goes "I'm Dr. Op". It does come across as twattish. If everyone refers to themselves as "I'm Mrs. Smith" and op goes "I'm Dr op" it is not twattish.

'So op? Whaddya think?

Any thoughts?

Thought not'

Maybe she has a life outside MN?