To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

But equally, @Rubicon80, what's wrong with using it?

The men (it always has been men) doing my MOT don't seem to give a toss what my title is. Why should they? They're actually only asking so they can write my details down, and those details should, ideally, match those on my bank card.

Consider the parallel to Miss or Mrs. Does anyone really spend time thinking nervously 'well, I could tell the shop assistant to put me down as Mrs, but then the poor unmarried gel might think of her own bad luck in not finding a husband, and it'd be so impolite to remind her! Best just tell her my name is Bert'? No, no one does that. Cos it'd be fucking weird.

Likewise, there is no need to agonise that people who don't give a flying fuck are going to be embarrassed by you using Dr. IMO, that attitude actually says more about you. You think it's super-special and you're carrying it around like a special certificate that everyone will envy. Realistically, though, they won't care. They'll just tick the box.

I know plenty of people with PHD's who don't use the title

what, not even at work? I don't believe that, and Professors are even more careful to use their title at work as rightly they should, it would be pretty pointless for them to get a Chair and then assiduously hide it!

I think 'using your title' means lots of things. In academia people don't usually introduce themselves as Dr X, but other people do introduce themselves with their title all the time. They have to declare their quals all the time on their CV, webpages, for grants, it's hardly like they keep it hidden. Out of work I think it varies, I don't know anyone who would introduce themselves as Dr in person, everyone is informal, but if asked for a title or on bank cards, I think most use it. I never used to but I do now as I am fed up with being spoken over and ignored in the health service by middle-aged male drs (of the medical type).

I meant to say 'other people do introduce them with their title all the time'- we welcome an interesting talk by Dr X, it would be rude to introduce them as Bob.

I use mine on everything - most people call me {first name}, but my title is Dr. I even added to my twitter handle when the #ImodestWoman thing was a campaign. It is important for girls to see that Women do achieve doctorates.
It has even been useful when at the Vets - the Vet talked a little over my head rather than down to me when explaining what was wrong with the cat.

I work in scientific research - most of my colleagues have PhDs, it's assumed really.
Some people include it in their email signature, most don't.
It's included in formal docs like grant applications and for conferences, but day to day, not one of my colleagues would introduce themselves as Dr FV.

When I have mine I'm gonna be signing my fucking christmas cards with it! Yanbu!

@Nearlyalmost50, the only times I've heard someone introduce a talk with a title, it has been when it's 'and we welcome Professor Jane Smith, congratulations on your new post' or 'and we're delighted to hear from Dr Bob Jones, who passed his viva last week'. Otherwise it is just Jane and Bob.

and if I'm making a complaint to a company or organisation or writing a letter to an MP, and want to be taken as seriously as possible.

See, I think deliberately invoking it in that situation when you wouldn't normally is way wankier than having a blanket policy of using it as your title. I would sign a letter to my MP 'Anne Smith', as I would to anyone else - why should they think I'm more important than any other constituent because I have an PhD? - but I'd put 'Dr' on the MOT form because I have to put something so why not make it match the bank card I'm paying with? I use it all the time but I never deliberately use it to pull rank as apparently you do.

I am using it rather fraudulently at the moment - my mum bought me a magazine subscription for Christmas and selected 'Dr'Time4chocolate instead of 'Ms'. I am NOT a doctor of any sort but I am quite liking the fact that for the next 12 months the postman thinks I am .

If I was an actual doctor I would definitely use it.

Mine would be on my passport.

Use it with pride, you earned that title.

[grin @time4chocolate, I fancy using 'wing commander' in that way. No idea what a Wing Commander is, but I like the sound of it.

I would like to mention the #immodestwomen again. Please see the hoo haw that caused the creation of this #.
For women, I believe it is a feminist issue. If you earned it, use it, show our daughters this is for them too.
Several years of missed Sunday’s and holidays, deterioration in my health and the family taking the strain means they deserve hearing me say Dr Pale when asked for my name.

I use mine, it is my title, particularly as I am a Dr Nurse.

Couldn't agree more, pale.

Definitely use it!

Firstly will noone answer @bluebluezoo 's perfectly reasonable question about why is it twatty to advertise that you have a PhD but not twatty to advertise that you have a spouse?

Secondly I think a lot of people are reading different things into what' use your PhD title' means.

I assume OP and the majority of people replying 'use it' do not mean answering the phone to your nan / giving your name in Starbucks / introducing yourself to DC's new teacher.

I assume they mean when a title is required, ie on a form, a booking, a job app, they will use their correct title rather than deferring back to bring Miss /Ms /Mrs. Would all the naysayers prefer they use an incorrect title which implies something about martial status? If so, why?

I do sometimes despair that everyone online is just looking for a fight and therefore reading into a post something which is not there

Would love to hear from people in both sides of this discussion if my assumptions above are correct for you. I'm guessing, as is so often the case, the understanding of what the question is asking is a large factor in what answers people give

I would sign a letter to my MP 'Anne Smith', as I would to anyone else - why should they think I'm more important than any other constituent because I have an PhD

Because they would probably take you more seriously if you signed your letter ‘Andrew Smith’

If I was writing to my MP about something in my specialism then I might use my Dr or refer to my professional credentials in some way. But actually my MP tends to reply to her constituents, and I bother her so much I'm already on one of her mailing lists (we never mention whether I would even consider ever voting for her... although I guess I can imagine worse MPs).

This isn't about immodest women. Don't make it something it isn't.

I don't use my Dr title outside of my field and do not even use it as a title in my field as opposed to a suffix as part of my other qualifications.

I judge anyone who isn't a medical dr who uses that title outside of work as someone insecure trying to clutch on to anything to bolster their insecurity - because everyone knows you expect a person using that title outside of academia to be a medical dr.

I judge men and women equally twatty on this. It's not about immodesty. it's about insecurity.

The most over qualified brilliant person I know is a man who has a dr in amongst his many post nominals - he doesn't use dr as a title outside work because he's too confident to need to bother.

I watched an old Pointless episode before. It was name the Dr.

Dana Scully was up there. The answer was 'but she wasn’t a Dr' Yes she was. Fyette use it wherever you can

I use my title outside of work if I'm asked directly ("so is that Mrs or Miss? It's Dr")
It's not twatish, that's my title. I also use it on forms if they ask for my title.

I don't go around introducing myself as Dr Llama. I'd much rather just be called Llama and am in most situations. But Miss Llama makes me next level cringe so Dr Llama is the lesser of title evils. I dislike the fact that most titles are gendered or different depending on if you're married or not. Totally outdated.

As an aside a medical Dr holds an honorary Dr title as they actually have a Bachelors degree, not a Doctorate. So I think it's curious if someone thinks it's not twattish for a medic to use the title outside of work but is twattish for someone with a Doctorate to do the same.

@blackberryberet, I think you might have misunderstood?

'Immodest women' is a hashtag. It's aimed at making people more aware that women can be good at all sorts of things.

I never heard medical doctors were ok to use their title outside work, though? That's not normal, right? I know lots of medical doctors, but they are all very confident in themselves and don't make a big deal of it. I am surprised the people you know think it is ok! Do you think they perhaps don't realise they are not real doctors?

(And sarcasm alert, before @blackberryberet combusts under the pressure.)

In what universe does having earned a PhD equate to being a twat?

Use it, often and with pride.

You earned it - use it! However just don't do what my friend does - sign off all her personal emails (i.e. to and from friends) with Dr X Yyyyyy, that is too much.

It is great for young girl's to see women making it, doing important jobs.
My only gripe is with the post below, every business needs all of their team, while it is honourable to do an amazing job the people underneath you help the cogs of the business work.
Hospitals with fine Doctors need HCAs, Solicitors needs admin staff.

Use any title you earn with pride but don't use it to feel superior to those below you in work.

However, I did end up wheeling out my list of post-nominals in my email footer for my last job as I was getting sick and fed up of being treated like an admin monkey due to the job title having 'administrator' in it. It was actually pretty remarkable how much of a difference that made to the tone of the communications I received