To disagree with "my house, my rules" for adult children?

[jennymanara]

This is a phrase that gets repeated all the time on MN. Now of course it is fine to lay out some basic rules that anyone should abide with such as you clean up after yourself and you don't trash the place.
But "my house my rules" really means - the person who pays the bills makes the rules. But if your adult children live with you, it is their own home too. And I think it is incredibly disrespectful to think that because you are paying the bills, you should dictate to everyone else who lives there exactly what is okay or not okay in their home.
Surely it is basic respect to your adult children to recognise that they should have a voice in any decision making about house rules?

I managed to bring mine up to not require 'rules' when they became adults.

Reminds me of a Doctor Who quote:

"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."

I don't follow my own damn rules from time to time. The rules are there to keep things to a lovely standard, but sometimes life is either too fun or too hard to adhere to them strictly.

Raise kids who are capable of basic respect, and have some basic respect for them as individuals, and you should be able to navigate living together fairly simply.

to be fair, it's only when you spend a few days in someone else's house that you realise some of your own "rules".

It's only when I read MN that I realise that some people have genuinely completely different expectations and "rules" than the people I know.

It can be about anything, one poster was stating that her kids are banned from snacking on fruits or veg, they could eat bread if they wanted a snack. I don't know anyone who has ever told their kids that the fruit bowl was off-limit (or maybe just in the last 20 minutes before diner comes up on the table).

The "shoes on"/ "shoes off" war is still a thing, I bet the "no rule" posters who are in the "shoes off" side wouldn't be too impressed if their adult kids decided not to follow suit...

It is quite a grey area really because yes you are paying for the house, so you feel and are more responsible for its condition and upkeep. However, you do need to show respect to others living in that home whether they are your children or not. When we were growing up we always had a "knock first and wait" rule for both parents and children and we ALL had to chip in with housework etc. These rules were made by my parents but also followed happily by us children too because their reasoning was always discussed with us.

My house my rules all the way. That's because when my adult daughter has moved home she only stays an adult for a few days and then begins to slide into obnoxious teenager mode.