His STBXW still has a picture of them hugging as profile picture?

[CarolineEsche]

Hi all, I am regular poster on mumnset but also regularly NC for privacy reasons (yes I am a bit paranoid!).

I have been dating a lovely man for 4 months. He has been separated from his wife since December 2018, so coming up 9 months. Mutual decision, very amicable terms, they have two DC together, whom they co-parent 50/50. Divorce proceedings initiated in June. I have been to his flat many times, spent weekends and week nights there, he is undoubtedly living by himself. He also calls and texts me from his place every day even when he has the DC, we go out on dates when he doesn't have them.

I very vaguely know his wife through overlapping social circles. I don't think she is aware of the fact that her STBXH is dating me yet, I respect it is his decision if and when to inform her about his dating life. I have met quite a few of his friends.

However, I have recently stumbled into her SM profile by accident (she came up as a "people you might know" profile) and I realised that her profile picture is a picture of her and STBXH hugging. Clearly a "couple picture", they hold hands and look very lovey dovey. She posts stuff on social media regularly, so she actively uses it from what I can see.

AIBU to think it is a bit weird? I mean they have been split up for a while now, and that picture seems a bit... odd, I suppose? I know it is none of my business what picture she chooses to use on her SM, but to be honest it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

Should I mention this to New Man, even though he probably doesn't have any control over it? What a bizarre situation

It isn’t any of your business and if you mention it to new man he’ll wonder why you are checking up on his ex wife and what can he actually do about it? Nothing. You’ll come across as paranoid and insecure.
Maybe she’s embarrassed to tell people they are separated? Leave her be.

Zebra yes I agree, can't really say anything to NM as it is not up to him really!

Mind your own business, maybe she likes the picture.
It's early days for you and new man and he already has a family, which obviously will always come first.
Wait until they are divorced and see what happens then.

If you both actually loved each other you both should wait until the divorce to date.
Bc right now,you are technically dating that woman's husband.

She might not be very active on SM and so hasn't got around to changing it.

Mymomsbetter to be honest the legal side of things doesn't bother me at all.

I stayed separated with my now XH for 4 years before finalizing the divorce, and in the meantime we both had other relationships. As long as the romantic relationship is properly over and there is a clear separation (no cohabitation, no sharing a bed) then I don't find the situation problematic.

I understand not everyone would feel comfortable doing this though.

Maybe the photograph reminds his wife of happier times? Maybe their children like the photograph? Whatever the reason it is absolutely none of your or your boy friend's business as you so rightly say.

Ah, the old " stumbled upon by accident" excuse!
Don't worry OP, your secret's safe with us.

I've had the same profile picture for about 8 years. I think you are over thinking it.

Were you secretly Facebook stalking? Don't be ashamed, most people do it.

You can't say or do anything, at least without looking like a bit of a bollock. Let people do what they do; they have a positive relationship, you're happy with him, let things be.

I don't think you can do anything about it without looking crazy. And I don't think you do look crazy.

I'd be irritated too.

I'm active on SM but didn't know what my profile picture is. Just looked and it only comes up as a tiny pic and I guess I'm so used to it I didn't notice it.

I wouldn't read anything into it.

What has it got to do with you? Why do you think you have a say in which photos someone can/can’t use on their own social media? What do you care anyway if your relationship is happy and you trust your partner!

She may be struggling to let go of her relationship tbh. I can’t imagine getting a divorce or even ending a relationship with a bf and keeping a photo of him, not even just on my page but as my profile picture! Very odd.

Don’t say anything. He will think you’ve been snooping.
She’s got a photo, you’ve got the man.

Just make sure you don’t accidentally click “add friend” from the “people you may know” bar. Speaking from experience

@Mymomsbetterthanyomom oh do give over.

They’re separated waiting to be divorced, don’t sneakily try and shame her for dating him.

You definitely shouldn't say anything to your partner - there's nothing he can do about it and he will wonder why you were checking her social media.

Maybe she just likes the picture? They had an amicable split so it's unlikely to be causing her pain. Their marriage is over but that doesn't mean either of them have to pretend that the happy memories stop existing.

I’m with my partner but he hasn’t updated his photo that is the pair of us for 5/6 years now. Some people together or apart just don’t update their pictures often. My current picture is about 2 years old.

If you both actually loved each other you both should wait until the divorce to date.
"Should" they? Is this a new law we don't know about, or wot?

Bc right now,you are technically dating that woman's husband.
'That woman' & her husband are separated. Mutually. Amicably. Your point is ..?

Are you certain they've split for good?

If you haven't seen the divorce papers, I would suspect they're nowhere near as 'over' as he's told you and she may still be hoping for a reconciliation. Probably because he's telling her that's what he wants too.

If you both actually loved each other you both should wait until the divorce to date.Bc right now,you are technically dating that woman's husband.

Lol. That wins weird post of the day award. Actually wait till the divorce comes through? . 😂

Op, you can't say anything, because thr bottom line is there is no way he won't believe you weren't face book stalking his ex wife.

I'm surprised by previous replies. I think this is very strange especially given that you've said she is very active on social media. Are you sure they are as cut and dry separated as he has told you?

MyMomsbetterthanyomum
What an unnecessary, unpleasant and quite frankly ridiculous thing to say.

You sound like a member of the mummymaryty brigade who would also never date another man post divorce unless your children had left home .

While she's at it do you recommend she enter a convent until the divorce is 'sorted' ?