MIL suddenly refused to babysit

[Want2727]

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

She honestly sounds jealous to me. I wonder if she is really pissed about the fact that you are all having a lovely birthday celebration for your family member and she wishes she received birthday celebrations like this? Does her family do things like this?

Is nobody interested in why the MIL did this horrible thing?

Yes, but unless the OP posts again, we won’t know. Why not just wait for a response?

To those saying let her find out you’ve gone anyway via Facebook you do know that plenty of people don’t have it anymore don’t you?

Then presumably if the OP is one of those people, she won’t do this. Nothing to be about.

Is nobody interested in why the MIL did this horrible thing?

Yes it would be good to know. Like I said there’s got to be a back story here.

She is jealous of you both going and having a lovely time this is nothing to do with your ds I am sure of that. Go and enjoy she will hate the fact that she hasn't scuppered your plans....silly old bat x

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“BertrandRussell Are you looking for a reason to stick up for the MiL?”

Nope. There is no excuse for what she did. I’m assuming that there’s loads of backstory, but if so why is the OP so shocked? If the OP and her dp want to cut her off forever then they should go right ahead. If someone in my family did something so bizarre I’d want to know why before I took drastic action, that’s all. Gather all the facts- then attack.

well, you know what to do, don't ask again.
if she tries to make arrangements in future just say that your or dh will go as well as she can't be relied upon.
She's shot herself in the foot.
What an awful thing to do, I hope your dh has had a good go at her for letting you both down.

BertrandRussell people don’t want facts, it’s a MIL thread so that’s good enough reason to come out with the usual “ she’s a cow, bitch, evil” or whatever else they feel like.

Glad you have managed to make alternative arrangements. What is your DH saying?

Don’t take a 6yo to a posh restaurant at 8pm!

Glad you have found an alternative babysitter. No idea why your mil is being so bizarre. Can your h talk to her and say how disappointed you are?

If she had said “oops, sorry, can’t babysit any more because Strictly’s on” or “I just don’t fancy it” or “I’ve decided that parents shouldn’t go out having a good time and leave their children” then yes- all bets are off-she’s a horrible cow. But it seem such an odd reason to give.

NoSauce
I don’t agree with those sort of comments at all. However ops mil is very wrong in this instance and should not be asserting her authority or adults nor telling her ds and dil how and when to include their child in their family events.

It really makes no difference what the motivation might be or what the background might be. You don’t let someone down last minute when you’ve promised to look after their child so they can attend a special occasion. You also don’t have any right whatsoever to dictate what adults choose to do with their own time and in their own family unit (unless neglect or harm is happening, obviously). The fact that this particular MIL thinks it’s her business to dictate means that she definitely is being unreasonable in this particular aspect. She’s being a twat.

“It really makes no difference what the motivation might be or what the background might be. ”
Well, it doesnMt for this particular incident, no. It was a horrible thing to do.
But it might when thinking about the future.

That’s true. Personally I’d stop asking for favours, but that’s just me. I won’t be beholden in any way to someone who’s got ideas of being my boss or superior or who thinks they get to dictate to me about my life, my relationship or my children.

Do it right back to her, make sure she reaps what she sows

She probably wanted to be invited to the meal so shes figured if I can't go, no one can. So glad you managed to arrange another babysitter. What was your husbands response to her reasoning???

She’s a knob.

Actually, I would probably maintain radio silence and just let her stew - she will want to know what you are doing.

There must be some massive backstory here.

Having said that - we have family meals with all ages, there is a big gap between my oldest niece and the youngest child. And I think that your son was invited but you thought it was better for him to stay at home. I also think that was probably the case from the start though, so it's not new information for your MIL that has only just come to light today.

@Want2727

How long until you can pick her nursing home?

She's barking. Her rationale makes no sense whatsoever. 18 v 6.
Besides none of it is her decision. She was asked to babysit.

Seems bizarre and quite vindictive on the face of it but I’ll hang fire until there’s more.
Really glad you found a babysitter. She’ll hate that, so good.

It looks like a deliberate act of Sabotage because she felt excluded

Glad ya still going OP- ya MiL is a bitch.