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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
sue51 · 17/08/2019 10:43

That's a made up excuse if ever I heard one. Is there something else going on with her, say poor health, that you are not aware of?

Lacebug · 17/08/2019 10:43

Don't give your MIL the opportunity to indulge her control freakery at your expense ever again. I am so glad that you have another babysitter and I hope you and your DH have a lovely evening.

YobaOljazUwaque · 17/08/2019 10:45

Yanbu at all. She's mean and nasty.

Obviously this means you won't be able to ask her to babysit ever again as she is unreliable. That will be her loss in the end as less time with her grandchild. This may not be a bad thing if she's the sort of judgemental grandma who will drip metaphorical poison into a child's ear, which sounds likely.

stucknoue · 17/08/2019 10:45

I would be mad too. There's several nice restaurants around here that say they do not even accept kids under 12. Not everywhere is kid friendly. My DD's have gone to family events that my nephew was excluded from thus (they are both adults as opposed to a toddler) nothing unreasonable

Cheeserton · 17/08/2019 10:45

What an utter cow. She's chosen to burn bridges - cut back her privileges.

NumbersStation · 17/08/2019 10:47

I'm with @MakeItRain

And I'd be inclined to politely cancel every important thing that she organises las minute while I still had a toot in my flute.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 10:47

Did you ask her why she changed her mind? It seems such an odd thing to do - has somebody “got at her”? Was there any conversation about it?

NumbersStation · 17/08/2019 10:50

last. Not las.

Last minute cancel of a 't'...

IsobelRae23 · 17/08/2019 10:50

I would be so annoyed. Next time she asks to have dd, say yes, then phone her up a few hours before and say you’ve changed your mind. (Yes I am petty).

Apolloanddaphne · 17/08/2019 10:52

Sounds like she just wanted to crap all over your evening out. So glad you have got an alternative babysitter. You now need to message back MIL to say it doesn't matter as you have now made alternative plans for your DS so you can still go to the meal. I suspect she won't be happy that her plan was foiled.

MarkRonsonsMother · 17/08/2019 10:53

Twatty McTwatface.

Scoobydoobywho · 17/08/2019 10:56

Op have you told your mil that you managed to find someone else to look after your dc?

NotSorry · 17/08/2019 11:00

I would never ask her again

S1naidSucks · 17/08/2019 11:01

I wouldn’t tell your mil that you have someone else looking after your son. I’d just put a post on Facebook of you and your husband and wait for her to ask where your son is. I’d then respond with, ‘don’t you worry about ‘son’. He’s fine’ Let her make if that what she will. What decision you’ve made regarding your son and who is looking after him is absolutely none of her business.

KUGA · 17/08/2019 11:01

So sad you have a shit MIL.
One to remember.
Hope it turn out well for you all.

messolini9 · 17/08/2019 11:02

Blimey OP - weaponised babysitting!

But, if you decided to NEVER accept babysitting help from MiL again, you would neatly take the weapon out of her hands.

It's not just the sudden U-turn or inconvenience that's concerning - it's MiL's assumption that she can control you through your child, & that she is entitled to be the arbiter of your decisions.
You need to fuck that attitude right off, immediately.

Drum2018 · 17/08/2019 11:02

I wouldn't tell her that you have found an alternative babysitter until tomorrow - no contact at all today and tomorrow tell her what a fabulous night out you had despite her trying to spoil it. Add that you have now found a wonderful babysitter so won't be needing her again. That'll shut her up!

messolini9 · 17/08/2019 11:05

She will be fuming we are still going.

And there you have it.
Good for you - & make sure she has NO say over where you decide to go, & which family members you go with, ever again.

It's lunacy for her to assume she has any say in this whatsoever.

NovemberWitch · 17/08/2019 11:07

The most infuriating thing you can do to an arch manipulator is disengage and starve them of information and interaction. Drives them bonkers.

Ninkaninus · 17/08/2019 11:07

So she actually thinks she is in charge of you and gets to dictate how you and your DH organise your lives?

Absolutely ridiculous.

Ninkaninus · 17/08/2019 11:08

Don’t mention anything to her about your solution.

Stop engaging altogether and just don’t give her opportunities to try to assert her supposed authority.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2019 11:09

How dare she control your life. Good on you for continuing your plans.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 11:09

“Op have you told your mil that you managed to find someone else to look after your dc?”
Because if you have- don’t!

MyCatHatesEverybody · 17/08/2019 11:10

What a cow your MIL is. Enjoy your night out.

Vasya · 17/08/2019 11:11

That's outrageous! I wouldn't trust her to babysit again. Wouldn't be too quick to do her any favours either.