MIL suddenly refused to babysit

[Want2727]

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

[Gobbolinocat]

..... Wouldn't it have been glorious poetic justice to have left dh at home baby sitting....


Oh dear!
This is the crux of what some do not understand about some mils.

Of course it wouldn't be poetic justice! It would have been perfect. Her son wouldn't be socialising with her family, brilliant! And.... It's ruined a couple night out.

Some people are just so clueless it's painful.

[dustarr73]

@Bl3ss3dm0m that puts a completely different spin on it

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

Sorry, meant OP's MiL was completely out of order!

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

Dustarr 73, I would normally agree with you, but my husband doesn't get a say in how they are brought up. It would be too 'outing' to say much more, but my DiL is a control freak, and harms the children if she is ever stood up to. Social Services do know, but nothing ever changes. My son stays to try and keep the children safe but he can never argue with his wife. I did say that I thought that the OP was completely out of order, but I would like to hear her MiL's reasons/excuses.

[Scorpiovenus]

Your mother in law is a asshole and has no say what you decide to do in your free time, and you got every right to want a break from it and celebrate a birthday. Must be a bit of jealousy on the loose for them to do this suddenly surely?

Cut her off for 2 months to teach her some manners and where her place is which isnt the boss. The other kids are adults, maybe she forgot her pills or something and having a mental seizure lol.
and yea remember that when she wants to see DS and just ignore the message :D

Tell her its disgusting how she can just pie off the child as she pleases and he isn't a toy

[sounfairso]

@Bl3ss3dm0m your son is failing you, not your DIL!

[brassbrass]

Bl3ss3dm0m if she avoids you it might be your very outdated ideas about women's roles in families. Why aren't you sad your own son doesn't invite you to dinner. You raised him. He should be managing relationships on his side.

[TimeIhadaNameChange]

@Bl3ss3dm0m - would you really expect your DIL's brother to invite you to his birthday dinner though?

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

@Bl3ss3dm0m welcome to 2019. Where DILs are no longer the family Secretary.
Where's the expansion that your son actually put some effort in?

[dustarr73]

@Bl3ss3dm0m thats down to your son to invite you for dinner.And to be fair you are also babysitting your sons dc.Dil didnt do it alone.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

She may have only met OP's brother on one or two occasions, (wedding/christening) and even then, only briefly. MIL is not part of his family, and I bet she wouldn't even dream of inviting him to a meal/party she was holding. I don't know why people keep suggesting this.

The key words there are ‘may’ and ‘suggesting’. You might well be right that the MIL doesn’t know the in-laws from a bar of soap - I could probably walk past my sister’s SIL in the street without noticing. But alternatively, if the families spend a lot of time together, she may indeed be sure she didn’t get an invite, even if she’s being unreasonable to expect one. Unless the OP confirms, it’s pure speculation on both sides.

[Motoko]

It would be ridiculous of MIL to expect an invite. She may have only met OP's brother on one or two occasions, (wedding/christening) and even then, only briefly. MIL is not part of his family, and I bet she wouldn't even dream of inviting him to a meal/party she was holding.

I don't know why people keep suggesting this.

[sounfairso]

What a cow bag your MIL is!

[kalinkafoxtrot45]

MIL sounds rather unpleasant. Let her stew.

[daisyboocantoo]

Daft moo

[myrtleWilson]

Why would the MIL expect to be invited to her DILs brothers birthday party that he/his family was hosting?? If my husbands sister is having a posh meal is she obliged to include my sister??

[Bl3ss3dm0m]

It is certainly an awful thing to do at the last moment like this, but do you think that your MiL could be upset that she wasn't invited to the posh do? I do get a bit sad that my DiL refers to 'her' family all the time and is always spending time with them, or having them over for dinner, but never asks us, even though she is quite happy for us to babysit her dc, which we do at least one day a week, plus taking them away for mini holidays to give my DiL and ds a little break. I would love to hear MiL's side of this, but I would never cancel an arrangement like that!

[Washpot]

@chaosmaker my 3 year old isn’t in bed by 8pm. Kids have different sleep needs. Unfortunately mine tend to not need much of it. Bed time is irrelevant here.

[chaosmaker]

Shouldn't a 6 year old be in bed by 8 anyway? Partner's son is in bed by 8 and he's 11. Children need their sleep and are much happier for it. Just on those grounds it's good you aren't taking him. Hope you had a lovely meal

[tirednhungry247]

@OzFlorie what that a question because yes you sound like YABU

[Dyrne]

OzFlorie if you can see past the cup on your shoulder, you’d be able to see that this situation is literally nothing like yours. In this case, the MIL happily agreed with plenty of notice, and then with mere hours to go decided to bail out giving the most bizarre of reasons.

The OP isn’t moaning about MIL refusing to babysit, the OP was (quite rightly) miffed that she’d been let down last minute.

As for those saying they should have brought DS along... why? Do children have to come along to EVERYTHING? Surely eating an unsatisfying, late meal and staying up last usual bedtime is way less fun than getting to stay at home and play? And why should the adults not be allowed to actually enjoy adult company, conversation, and no doubt being able to get a bit boozy and sweary?

I’m glad you have such a great friend to step in at late notice, OP; and happy that you (and your DS!) had a great time!

[Motoko]

I'm suprised & shocked over the vitriolic comments on this thread.

Why? She deliberately let her son and DIL down, at the last minute, with a crap excuse, because she wanted to fuck up their night out. She deserves the vitriol.

I know it’s better for the OP that they've found another babysitter- but wouldn’t it have been glorious poetic justice for the mil if the OP had gone out and left her dp at home babysitting?

No, because that would mean that OP's partner would have been missing out, and they were both looking forward to a nice, rare night out together, sans child. And of course, it would still have spoiled OP's night out.
Why should they be punished?

[ohfourfoxache]

How the chuff can she possibly play the martyr in all this?

There is simply no way to construe things so that she comes out of this as a nice person

[Want2727]

Sorry playing the Martyr

[Want2727]

We had a fab time and so did Ds with my friend. Have not spoke to MiL since but FIL said she is okay the martyr