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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/08/2019 11:14

YANBU. That nothing but lousy that to let you down last minute. It’s not like it’s a new born that’ll be keeping her up all night. Even then it’d still be shitty to let you down this late on. I’d have him for you. If I knew you.
My nephews always staying with me.
He’s 6. I literally don’t even I’ve got him.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/08/2019 11:15

Oh glad you’ve found someone

Summerunderway · 17/08/2019 11:16

Text her tomorrow and just say he was OK as you put him to bed before you left!!

unitednations · 17/08/2019 11:16

Bloody hell. I'd be fuming !

Also it's fuck all to do with her arrangements that your side of the family make.

Glad you sorted a sitter.

EffYouSeeKaye · 17/08/2019 11:20

What form does she have?

Starlight456 · 17/08/2019 11:20

Glad you have found someone . Do not speak to mil today. Go out ( leaving Lo with fab friend) . She has an agenda leave her to it.

gamerchick · 17/08/2019 11:22

Don't tell her until after that she wasn't needed after all.

Don't let her babysit again though now you know for certain what she's capable of. Enjoy your child free evening Wine

gamerchick · 17/08/2019 11:23

Text her tomorrow and just say he was OK as you put him to bed before you left

Grin say it though, don't text it.

Ikeameatballs · 17/08/2019 11:24

I would not engage with MIL at all in this. Tempting though it is to call her out for the bitch she is I would simply ignore. Do not respond to anymore texts/communications about it. And then don’t ask her to babysit ever again.

EdtheBear · 17/08/2019 11:25

She's tried to sabotage you and DH having adult only time with your family. Glad your friend can help out.

I think it's one to remember, not worth falling out over, but I wouldn't be relying on her to babysit again unless it was for a dire emergency.

verticality · 17/08/2019 11:26

That's an appalling and deliberate last minute hole in your boat, OP. She's had literally months to air her concerns about this.

Don't engage with it.
Don't ask her to babysit again.
Don't reply to texts or emails - all communication through your DH from now on.
Be busy whenever she wants to see the kids for at least 6 momths.

NoSauce · 17/08/2019 11:26

What’s the huge back story here? There’s got to be one surely, or is she always controlling and blows hot and cold?

kmammamalto · 17/08/2019 11:30

Thing is, a meal out like that isn't exactly a six year olds idea of a good time! He will be way happier at home with someone doing fun stuff and you being able to relax! She sounds like a grade A cow. Have a great night!

DartmoorDoughnut · 17/08/2019 11:32

Have a lovely time! Your MIL sounds like a controlling pain in the arse

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 11:41

Is nobody interested in why the MIL did this horrible thing?

cavalier · 17/08/2019 11:42

If I was you let it go
She is showing herself up ... some people just create drama because they are sad jealous and insecure ... life is too short .. just try to let it go this time but keep it there for future reference
Your husband shoot have a word ... some mother’s are so bliddy controlling ... I am a mother-in-law to one and hopefully to another very soon ... I bite my tongue loads ... I just think .. from bitter and very upsetting experience that life is too short and it can change on a penny
See how it rides out and don’t get stressed
Believe me the “life is too short “ is a very important element and what seems a big deal now will one day pan out to be insignificant to a certain extent ... good luck don’t get stressed because somebody else is choosing to be toxic .. their problem not yours 👍

LovePoppy · 17/08/2019 11:44

She’d never be asked to babysit again. What a bitchy move to teach you a lesson in parenting.

It would be a long time before I’d spend time with her

Highfivemum · 17/08/2019 11:45

To have said no when you first asked her would have been uncalled for but it would have been her choice ( though silly reason) to say it now to you is a deliberate attempt to prevent you from going. I would limit contact in future. She sounds nasty. Hope you enjoyed the evening.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 17/08/2019 11:47

Have a long break from her

theemmadilemma · 17/08/2019 11:48

I am for sure.

rookiemere · 17/08/2019 11:48

How odd. I'm so glad you found a replacement babysitter- that will totally wind her up. Oh well,shame for her that she has just forfeited her right to spend one on one time with her GC as I don't suppose you'll be asking her to babysit again.

HollysTeflonSeptum · 17/08/2019 11:49

YANBU at all OP and her timing speaks volumes.

To those saying let her find out you’ve gone anyway via Facebook you do know that plenty of people don’t have it anymore don’t you? Confused.

But yeah, no need to make an effort to let her know you managed without her, she’ll find out at some point and feel suitably foolish.

tenredthings · 17/08/2019 11:50

I bet she feel excluded and wants to be included in the meal rather than left to babysit, so she's sabotaging the event for you. Bitchy, crappy behaviour.

EffYouSeeKaye · 17/08/2019 11:50

Bertrand I think a few posters, myself included, have asked for the backstory.

Op only mentioned that she has ‘form’.

MILs apparent reason is that she feels dgs should be going to dinner with them, of course.

hammeringinmyhead · 17/08/2019 11:51

@BertrandRussell Are you looking for a reason to stick up for the MiL?

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