Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/08/2019 10:16

Blimey what a bitch Angry not due many 6 years old would truly enjoy an adult meal at a posh restaurant as the only child even if it is all family!

Summerunderway · 17/08/2019 10:16

Just wait til she needs looking after....

bluebeck · 17/08/2019 10:17

Glad you have a replacement babysitter.

Obviously her "reason" is a Big Fat Lie as there are NO other children going. Even if there were, you and DH could decide it was best for DS to stay home.

It sounds like she is manipulative and controlling. Do you think she has issues with "your family" and is jealous of time you spend with them? What is DH take on this and on his DM behaviour in general?

I would distance myself emotionally and physically for a bit and let DH manage contact.

DowntonCrabby · 17/08/2019 10:17

Don’t pander to any of her attention seeking for thenrratnof today if she will be “fuming you’re still going”

Let her fine once she finds out what a lovely evening you had. Ignore all communication with her the rest of today. She sounds batshit.

I agree with PP, don’t ask her to babysit again.

DowntonCrabby · 17/08/2019 10:17

*the rest of

HeffaLump1 · 17/08/2019 10:19

What an odd woman. What did DH say to her?

AGenericUsername · 17/08/2019 10:21

Please update with her reaction when she finds out you're both still going and her little plan didn't work!!

Alsohuman · 17/08/2019 10:21

She’s an idiot, isn’t she?

CalmdownJanet · 17/08/2019 10:22

Oh wow a she is a bitch!! I'd definitely text her "Your mission to ruin our night out has been thwarted, our lovely, non judgey friends are delighted to have ds! Looking forward to lovely night out with family, thanks for nothing"

lifecouldbeadream · 17/08/2019 10:23

She sounds bonkers..... she doesn’t get to decide who your brother invites to his party.

And she doesn’t get to decide whether you accept.

You did, and are entitled to have a night out without your 6 yr old whether he was invited or not.

She is bonkers and is missing out on time with her GS, for the sake of being an idiot and complaining about him not being invited to something (formal sit down meal) that he would probably find incredibly boring anyway. She should have been saying- I’ll take him for tea and then do bath/bed time so I have lovely storytime cuddles before bed.......

BlackCatSleeping · 17/08/2019 10:25

And then a year from now, she'll be complaining about how you never ask her to babysit...

AgentJohnson · 17/08/2019 10:27

Stop fuming, the silly woman isn’t worth it. Enjoy your meal, do not engage with MIL about this and never rely on her for anything again.

It’s a controlling dick move and ‘winning’ is not letting it affect you but let her bare the consequences.

Skittlenommer · 17/08/2019 10:28

Sounds like she just didn’t want to do it!

Aderyn19 · 17/08/2019 10:29

Not every place is appropriate for children and parents are allowed to want some time with other adults. I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with my mil if she tried to manipulate me like this.

SockMachine · 17/08/2019 10:29

“Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants”

None of this is remotely relevant: it was not her place to morally police the night out.

She has deliberately tried to sabotage your family event / her Ds having a night out due to your side of the family or whatever else twisted control she is trying to exert.

She will do this always, one way and another.

Have a fab night tonight and then take stock.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/08/2019 10:30

A - Can you call the restaurant and see if they'll do chips or something you boy will eat?

But he wasn’t invited. The OP was perfectly happy with that until the bitch of a MIL stuck her beak in.

What a vile way to behave. Not only did she feel the need to dictate who someone else should invite to their own birthday party; she deliberately didn’t object when asked, instead waiting until it was too late for the OP to get anyone else (or so she thought!) to ruin her evening.

If that was my MIL I would take great pleasure in making sure she saw as little of her grandson as possible.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 10:31

It is such bizarre behaviour.

fifig87 · 17/08/2019 10:34

Yanbu, I wouldn't want to bring mine to a restaurant like that either and it's nice to have a child free dinner. Your friend is lovely to step in.

Don't let it ruin your night and have a great time!

redexpat · 17/08/2019 10:35

Is she trying to punish you for something? Has she got some weird chip on her shoulder from when she was raising kids and had to stay home because dhe didmt have a sitter?

CoraPirbright · 17/08/2019 10:36

So thrilled your friend can look after ds (and that he really likes her and so will have a nice time too). Your MIL is unspeakable - I would never ever rely on her for anything again.

MulticolourMophead · 17/08/2019 10:37

She's clearly got a problem with something here. The OP, the OP's family, that they want a night out without their DS, MIL has a bee in her bonnet about something. Waiting until today is a deliberate, if a dick, move from her.

I wouldn't ask her for babysitting again, wouldn't bother contacting or reponding to messages today, and as someone else mentioned, I'd put it on FB later.

BUt I think DH would need to talk to her to get to the bottom of this, and then make it clear it won't be happening again.

Ninkaninus · 17/08/2019 10:39

God she’s a twat. I’d remember it too. Who does she think she is??

MakeItRain · 17/08/2019 10:41

I'd have to send a passive aggressive message such as "That's a shame. We're celebrating another time with DS but tonight is too late for him. Don't worry, a friend has offered to look after him tonight and we can ask her in future if babysitting is becoming difficult for you."

It's polite, tells her you disagree, tells her that her decision has had no impact whatsoever on you and also that you won't be asking her to look after him again anytime soon!

GabsAlot · 17/08/2019 10:41

Wtf has got to do with her who your brother invites to his birthday! Sounds like she jsut wanted to spoil your night-is she always like this

Mam654 · 17/08/2019 10:42

She sounds manipulative.

I'd stay calm, polite and tell her that your brother's son is not a child - he is 18. That you agree it's a shame kids can't be invited (in a sad voice) but it's your brother's party and it's reasonable that you go along with what he has decided he wants for his 40th. That you are disappointed that she has made things very uncomfortable for your and your family, and that if she is going to cancel her offers of help last minute, you will not be able to rely on her help in the future unfortunately - in case it happens again. It's important that you maintain the kind, sweet, victim role.

If you are the bigger person and appear to be the reasonable one, it will highlight the fact that she is being unreasonable, interfering, and that the end consequence will be that she will not be involved in future in similar circumstances (do not cut her out in any other way).

If you respond in an angry manner or say anything that could be interpreted as unreasonable, then she will gain the upper hand, because you will give her a good excuse to use this against you in the false picture she will create of you being - selfish, unkind, uncarig, etc, etc.....however she will interpret this episode and communicate it to others.

Next time, pay a babysitter or use another relative.