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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/08/2019 19:37

She’s a controlling dick.

As Didius says - the has done this purely to exert a degree of ccontrol.

She will be seething that you have found a solution.

But as others have said - remember this when she wants something from you.

tirednhungry247 · 18/08/2019 19:40

What a waste of skin she is

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2019 19:43

Did you have a great time OP?

Grambler · 18/08/2019 19:44

My DM was a master at this - she'd agree to something, sometimes even suggest it and manipulate me into agreeing to it - then bam at the last minute set some bizarre condition on her offer that couldn't be met. It was totally about control.

Ticketybootoo · 18/08/2019 19:47

Would be cross too - I would let her contact you . Enjoy your evening ...

Daisychainsgetbroken · 18/08/2019 19:48

Totally did that on purpose to try stop you going

LisaD76 · 18/08/2019 19:50

To be fair I have been taking my dd from very young to a posh Italian for special occasions (in laws b’days etc) since very small, they have no children’s menu but will make a child sized portion with no problems... but Italians do seem to like big family get togethers and fawn over little ones

LisaD76 · 18/08/2019 19:51

Should have said mil is still a shit head though.... it is nice to get an evening occasionally without kids..... and it is harder if you are the only one with a small child

Madamum18 · 18/08/2019 19:57

As a MIL I think that is a ridiculous way for a MIL to behave. Frankly it is none of her business whether you take DS to this meal or not and she agreed to babysit! Dear me!!

Yorkshiremum17 · 18/08/2019 20:24

My own mum did this to us for my 40th. I called her out on her behavior and she had a screaming tantrum, that lasted a year.
I've remained in touch but have never asked her to do anything for me since then. She has a great relationship with my son and in fact has had him stay with her several times since then, but at her request, I have made it very plain that I don't need her to do this for me, but don't want to spoil their relationship.

She was really upset when I didn't ask her to keep a eye on him this year when my husband and I went away, but I couldn't take the risk of her ruining it again.

I'm sad about it, however mum had brought it on herself

HeffaLump1 · 18/08/2019 20:24

Please come back OP and tell us you texted her "Had a good time last night, put DS to bed before we went out with the phone beside him and all was fine" or similar - would love to know her response Grin

dustarr73 · 18/08/2019 20:58

When its Mils birthday,have it in McDonalds and invite all the noisy,screaming,over stimulated kids Grin

Totaldogsbody · 18/08/2019 22:44

Can't believe some of the in-laws mumsnetters have. Yes if you had wanted you may have been able to take your ds with you but isn't it so nice to have a night away from the children being able to talk with some like minded people without having to watch over a bored child at the same time. I haven't any GC at the moment but cant wait to be able to watch them occasionally. Sorry your mil has blown it OP it will be her loss.

Likethebattle · 18/08/2019 23:42

“I don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.“

You are utterly clueless. I have a fussy DH who was a fussy child, his mother tried not pandering and he’ll eat what’s on his plate if he’s hungry 4 days later she broke and fed him whatever he wanted just so he’d bloody eat. I’ve seen him do 48 hours without food if there is nothing that he will eat. There are kids who will go hungry rather an eat what they don’t like.

jillybeanclevertips · 19/08/2019 08:32

remember this but don't let it become such an issue that you carry it around for over long. Sounds like a power play to me, act cool and bear it in mind at Christmas, birthdays, etc. You just got unlucky in the MIL draw.

Yorkshiretolondon · 19/08/2019 09:00

Glad you’ve found another option! Not MIL right to decide what you do with your child- 6 yr old would be bored ... 18 yr old will probably too lol but they’ll cope better 😂
Bad form letting you down at the last minute- really rotten thing to do and such a stupid excuse. NEVER ASK HER FOR ANYTHING AGAIN!

CoraPirbright · 19/08/2019 09:37

Hope you had a lovely evening OP!

Any reaction from the MIL? Bet she hates that she was thwarted!!

Lovebeingmama · 19/08/2019 11:29

YADNBU!
I would have been livid.
Glad you managed to go out and I would get great joy from telling her this!
I wouldn’t ask her to babysit again. If she enquires why, I’d be straight and say I need someone who I can trust and won’t let us down last minute.
I wouldn’t want to take a small child out to a posh restaurant. Especially given that it starts at 8 and my little one goes to bed at 7:15. I’d be spending all my time dealing with a tired cranky little one.
Chuffing awful!

OzFlorie · 19/08/2019 15:46

Is it really worth falling out over one babysitting incident? None of us are perfect. I'm accused of being selfish because we decided to move 3 hours away from OH grandkids. I'm also told that we should ditch our animals (9 sheep, 9 chooks, 4 ponies, 2 semi-feral cats & 2 dogs) & move closer to our Grandkids and that we are being selfish. It's tough for young parents these day but should Grandparents be expected to jump to it when YP feel its right for them? They wouldn't want us living on their doorstep but feel it's right we should be ready to down tools & step up to their plate? It's all a bit of give & take. Sad that families are not the same as they used to be in 1950 but we've all moved on & there will be a balance between give & take between all parties. Moral of this.... don't be too judgemental. It does no good to anyone!

100timewforgotten · 19/08/2019 15:47

@OzFlorie have you not read the whole thread? There has been more incidents then just not babysitting!

WindyScales · 19/08/2019 15:55

.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 16:04

Ozflorie I can imagine what your OH's DC think of you. Your animals have priority over his grandchildren.

Maz54 · 19/08/2019 16:29

Think yourself lucky I have only one child my husband's brothers have 8 and 5 respectively. When I had mine MiL finally came to see her at about 2 months old and announced 'well, you needn't think I'm babysitting this one the other two have already worn me out on that score.' Nice, and she duly kept her word and never babysat mine at all.

OzFlorie · 19/08/2019 16:43

My Mum hardly ever baby sat our kids. She lived 40 miles away & was working full time. MY DiL were older still and did their best but we never judged them. I never expected either to sit as a matter of course. She/They had her own lives. We paid for sitters or did the usual baby sitting circle. It sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. If we had to cancel a night out so be it. It was never worth falling out over. I'm suprised & shocked over the vitriolic comments on this thread.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 19/08/2019 16:55

But whether the MIL generally babysits or not is not the issue. The OP isn’t asking if she’s being unreasonable in expecting her to babysit. She’s asking is it reasonable for someone to cancel at the last minute based on a perceived ‘moral objection’, when they knew two months previously exactly why they were needed as a babysitter.