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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 17/08/2019 15:49

She's definitely a shit-stirrer, and the root of it is internalised misogyny - you, as a woman, do not know your place, so she is going to keep trying to put you back in it.

Just be calm, cheerful and distant with her in future - luckily your H clearly has your back and the rest of the family have developed an unusual but effective way of basically not minding her antics too much.

ChicCroissant · 17/08/2019 15:53

No, not all children will eat what is in front of them. Some will not eat at all.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 15:56

“Next time she lets you down take him along without the angst.“
If I was having an adult birthday dinner, I would very much prefer not to have 6 year olds at it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 17/08/2019 16:01

Yay for a brilliant friend.

SconeofDestiny · 17/08/2019 17:04

I have a 6yr old DGS. I've never done any baby sitting because we live in another country so we only see them during occasional visits but I can't imagine letting my DIL down at the last minute just because I didn't approve of their plans. If you're having a night out, it's largely irrelevant what you do or where you go unless it involved something illegal.

I think you need to have a frank talk to MIL and then stop asking her for any favours as she obviously feels entitled to manage your life. She can't do that if you only see her during the occasional family visit.

Alsohuman · 17/08/2019 17:09

I’d go further than that. I’d be severely pissed off if a six year old was brought to my birthday dinner. Aren’t adults allowed to be child free at all these days?

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 17:25

I know it’s better for the OP that they've found another babysitter- but wouldn’t it have been glorious poetic justice for the mil if the OP had gone out and left her dp at home babysitting?

Original poster
Want2727 · 17/08/2019 17:44

My brother did offer to find somewhere suitable for DS but I told him it was his birthday and I know he likes a particular posh restaurant so I said to book that if he wants and we will sort babysitters. Having a nice soak in the bath. Friend is downstarts playing games with DS. She turned up an hour and a half early so we could have some peice getting ready. She is a gem

OP posts:
Original poster
Want2727 · 17/08/2019 17:44

Peace getting ready I mean

OP posts:
MamaOfBothTeams · 17/08/2019 17:48

So glad you have such a nice friend

I hope you have a nice time tonight Wine

Whosorrynow · 17/08/2019 17:49

MIL hates it though that her son does most of the “women’s work” in her eyes
ahhh, she's punishing you for (as she see's it) emasculating HER son

Thornhill58 · 17/08/2019 17:49

Have a fantastic night enjoying a night with your favourite people. You both work very hard and deserve many fun times. Life can be very hard so why make it even harder. Have fun Smile

coffeeforone · 17/08/2019 17:51

don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.

That's not true for all kids at all stages. In my experience most kids go through fussy stages, even the best eaters, where they are hungry but what's in front of them doesn't appeal so they will stay hungry and complain that they want pizza (or whatever)

Purpleartichoke · 17/08/2019 17:57

Even if the menu appealed, a 6yo at an 8pm adults dinner will be bored stiff.

SunshineDays2019 · 17/08/2019 18:01

Have a lovely evening with your normal family and don't let mil spoil it. I feel quite sad for your dh, having such an awkward mother.

Purpleartichoke · 17/08/2019 18:04

don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.

Shall I bring my child with sensory issues to your favorite local restaurant? I can insist she takes a “no thank you” bite. The resulting gagging will bring the entire establishment to a standstill. Once she stops choking, we can repeat with the next item in her plate.

Or I can feed her what she can actually eat, which often isn’t even found on a kids menu. Sometimes it’s something from the adults menu. Sometimes it’s just a drink because we had to feed her before the restaurant.

AGenericUsername · 17/08/2019 18:21

What a star your friend is! Everyone needs someone like that in their lives.

Well done to your DH for standing up to her. Enjoy your evening! 🍷

CoraPirbright · 17/08/2019 18:24

Oh wow your friend sounds completely fabulous!

Hope you have a lovely evening out OP. Flowers

Nanny0gg · 17/08/2019 18:26

@TatianaLarina
I’m glad it’s sorted. But I don’t get ‘kids’s menus. If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him. Next time she lets you down take him along without the angst.

You're right. You don't get it.

cantkeepawayforever · 17/08/2019 18:29

If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.

No, honestly, DS would have chosen to starve (and the resultant drop in blood sugar would have made his mood excitingly volatile).

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2019 18:35

“If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.”

Even if that is true, it’s hardly likely to make for a relaxed meal for the adults in his vicinity, is it?

Rachelover40 · 17/08/2019 18:39

I'm glad you've found a babysitter friend and can now both go out for the evening. I hope you have a great time.

“If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.”
No - he or she will NOT eat what is put in front of them if they don't like or fancy it. I didn't for a start, can remember quite clearly refusing food. It was an ordeal to be eating somewhere away from home unless I could choose something, like fish and chips.

Original poster
Want2727 · 17/08/2019 18:41

“If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him.”
You have it met my Ds. Ate everting as a baby and then turned 2 and would only eat pizza and chicken nuggets. He is much better now but still fussy

OP posts:
Fruitbatdancer · 17/08/2019 18:47

Your friend is a diamond. My friends and I don’t sit for each other much (just because no one asks) but 100% in this scenario I’d drop stuff to help a friend out. Yanbu. Your MIL thinks she can control you. She’ll only be crying over fact she now can’t!

Butterymuffin · 17/08/2019 18:48

If a child is hungry he’ll eat what’s put in front of him

This is as true for an adult. But as an adult what I want to do when I go to a restaurant is to enjoy myself and eat a meal of my choice which is something I like. Also true of a child.