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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL suddenly refused to babysit

301 replies

Want2727 · 17/08/2019 09:59

Tonight having a meal with my family for my brothers 40th birthday. The meal is booked for 8 in a really posh restaurant. It has been planned for ages and we asked my in-laws to babysit DS 6 about 2 months ago.

MIL has just rung to say she won’t be babysitting as it is disgusting we won’t be including Ds in the meal as brother kids will be there.

Now my brothers youngest kid is 18 so very different to six. Where we are going has no kids menu. The adults menu will have nothing Ds wants. My brother did check when booking it and I said “your birthday your choice and it would be nice for us to have a night out without Ds”

So now DH is having to stay at home and I am fuming. MIL had known about the exact reason they are babysitting for 2 months and today on the day of the meal she decided she won’t be babysitting as it’s unfair we are not taking Ds.

So 2 AIBU here the first
Should we bring taking Ds tonight?
And
AIBu to be fuming at MIL

OP posts:
MollyCuddle · 18/08/2019 12:05

Sorry meant to add - you can't win with people like your mil and it will drive you crazy trying to.

Hope you had a lovely evening x

Whatafackinliberty · 18/08/2019 12:05

Very amused by by the "MILs can do no wrong" brigade desperately trying to find a reason to support the loony old bag.

NoSauce · 18/08/2019 12:13

Nah. People wanted to know a bit about MIL and what the back story was as it’s unusual for someone with a harmonious relationship for one of them to suddenly act out of character. If there was no back story the OP shouldn’t have been surprised.

And less of the ageism.

Whatafackinliberty · 18/08/2019 12:18

Sorry Miss.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2019 12:21

Just realized that me burbling about spinach last night might have implied I think that the OP should have taken her son to the dinner. I most certainly don’t!

manicmij · 18/08/2019 17:23

So, so wrong of MIL. YANBU, who would nit be seething at this last minute and totally unfathomable decision. Keep it in mind for future ammunition.

user1485851222 · 18/08/2019 17:34

Her loss, never ask her to babysit again. My MIL was also weird, manipulative. Lots and lots of examples, but one was the night before we were going on holiday and she was having our son, she bad mouthed me to my husband. My response "well if that is what she thinks, our son isn't staying there", she was shocked. I would have cancelled the holiday, rather than send him. He was happy he stayed with a friend.... I never bothered again......

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 18/08/2019 17:49

Don't let yoru MIL be in a situation where she could let you down again.

And no, an over tired 6 year old who is picking at food he doesn't like thats been served much later than he would normally eat is not going to be 'fun' at an adult meal.

Jaxinthebox · 18/08/2019 17:51

awful to do that, so glad your friend has stepped in and you guys go and enjoy yourself.

Never ask her to babysit again - and if she offers, just say no thanks.

Ellie56 · 18/08/2019 17:51

YANBU to leave DS at home. It is good to have adult only evenings. And YANBU to fume at your stupid MIL. She has known for weeks and drops you in it at the last minute? I wouldn't bother asking her again.

But it's great that your friend could step in and save the day.

Dieu · 18/08/2019 17:53

Stupid, interfering cow. Why should it be up to her who attends your brother's birthday meal?! Hope you manage to have a nice time regardless Wine

AtLeastMyDogLovesMe · 18/08/2019 17:56

Pulling out of babysitting at the last minute was a calculated move. She has hoping you would have no alternative but to take your DS. If she had voiced her displeasure at you having a child-free evening when you first asked, you would have had plenty of time to organise a replacement, and she didn't want you to have that option. What a cow-bag

Schriftsteller · 18/08/2019 17:57

No, YANBU. But i wonder...if she is resentful that she was asked to babysit and not invited to attend. Some people stew for ages without comment and then seemingly out of nowhere act rashly. But to them it's been a sore spot for so long it's anything but rash...

Ngailia · 18/08/2019 18:01

When does your DH have his next birthday? It would be a real shame if she wasn't invited!

DreamTheMoors · 18/08/2019 18:10

Remember this the next time she asks you for something - and she will.
That’s an absolute sh$t thing to do and you have EVERY RIGHT to be fuming.
Manipulators are the worst human beings on earth.
I hope your husband is furious too & doesn’t make excuses for his mum. This should open his eyes to what a horrible person she is.
I’m furious & I don’t even know you.
Have a great time! ❤️

happycamper11 · 18/08/2019 18:24

Yanbu, personally I’d have brought mine rather than someone have to stay at home.. restaurants like this will always make an effort to find something for dc but you sorted childcare so all good. I’d actually be feeling smug that you were able to go ahead despite her attempts at sabotage.

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2019 18:29

No, YANBU. But i wonder...if she is resentful that she was asked to babysit and not invited to attend.

Why on earth would she have been invited?

BlueJava · 18/08/2019 18:31

Wow! Don't trust her again - especially for a special occassion! That's ridiculous there is no comparison with an adult night with 18 yo + children and a 6 yo. YANBU.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2019 18:42

Why would she have expected to be invited?

phoenixrosehere · 18/08/2019 18:46

Yanbu, personally I’d have brought mine rather than someone have to stay at home..

So doing exactly what mil wanted..

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2019 18:49

I still think it would have been good if the OP had gone, leaving her dp to look after their child. That would have pissed the mil off- seeing she thinks he does too much “women’s work” already. But i suppose it was better that they both got to go.

nuxe1984 · 18/08/2019 18:50

It's your choice whether to take your DS or not, not hers. And it's meanspirited of her to let you down at the last moment - so glad you've managed to find someone else.

I wouldn't ask her to babysit in future. If she asks why (cos she'll notice) say that you can't rely on her to let you down at the last minute and spoil your evening.

ToftyAC · 18/08/2019 18:56

That’s a shitty trick. I wouldn’t bother asking her ever again.

bobsyourauntie · 18/08/2019 19:16

Of course it is fine to have an adult meal without a child there. If the other "children" are all over 18, then they are adults. You are happy with DS not being there. I would not just take along a child to a known grownups only meal as you will piss the grownups off, who want a nice grown up meal in a nice grown up place, without any kids whining or running around. It changes the whole dynamic of the evening.

I am glad that you have sorted this and that MIL didn't win. Please don't ask her again or she will let you down again.

SockMachine · 18/08/2019 19:26

“When does your DH have his next birthday? It would be a real shame if she wasn't invited!”

Or was asked to babysit so that you can have a nice adult meal out together 🐍