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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When to dive in and rescue them.

109 replies

Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 09:54

I feel very frustrated my son is leaving home. I would be very happy for him, but for one thing he has enrolled on another academic course. I’d like him to do well, I’d like him to come home and report just one success, but there hasn’t been a single success since August 2016. I have enjoyed having him around, but it is very disheartening being his mum.

OP posts:
HangryPants · 17/08/2019 09:56

You what now?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 17/08/2019 09:59

Wow, I'm surprised he hasn't left home before now with that attitude. I hope you haven't told him he's such a disappointment to you

AloeVeraLynn · 17/08/2019 10:01

It sounds like the best thing for him to leave and do his own thing

Sparklingbrook · 17/08/2019 10:06
Confused
Snidpan · 17/08/2019 10:09

he keeps going to college, failing, then going back for a different course?

BarbariansMum · 17/08/2019 10:10

His life isn't a film with highlights for you to sit back and watch. Nor do you need to "dive in " anywhere. How about you tend your knitting, offer support and encouragement when asked for it and let him sort it out for himself?

dollydaydream114 · 17/08/2019 10:10

Just let him get on with it. Assuming he’s an adult, of course he should be leaving home. He’ll find his niche eventually.

Elliebellbell · 17/08/2019 10:14

I don't really understand your point. If you're asking him only to tell you when things are going well and leave out the difficult parts then I think he's probably better off living away from you.

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 13:16

Same course!

OP posts:
Camomila · 17/08/2019 13:20

If he's been struggling with the same course for 3 years but keeps going back to it I'd be proud of his perseverence.

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 13:44

I think that frustration is a normal reaction to watching someone spending years desperately trying to unlock a front door with a carrot or a strawberry, for example, especially when they are convinced that if they keep trying it IS eventually going to work.
It is normal for mum to get pleasure from seeing a child succeed. When he was a child he would try to knock a round peg into a square hole see it couldn’t be done then move on and try something else.
I know there is no such thing as a magic bullet and my take on what may work better for him may not get him anywhere either. I mean who needs keys

OP posts:
Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 13:45

I don't understand a word of this.

Ravingstarfish · 17/08/2019 13:48

A single success in 3 years.
That’s really harsh op, not everyone is academic and good for him to keep trying, it must be really difficult without parental support to keep trying like that.

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2019 13:48

Are you saying your son is trying the same academic course for an nth time, has repeatedly failed for 3 years, but you don’t think he’s making a good choice?

What’s the course?

Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2019 13:49

Why is he pursuing it so vigorously? What does he want to do that this course is necessary?

Rachelover40 · 17/08/2019 13:52

People do sometimes fail exams, op, then re-take and pass eventually. It's not the end of the world.

Waveysnail · 17/08/2019 13:54

Need a bit more detail about the situation op.

FatThor · 17/08/2019 14:04

Eh?

How old is he? Where is he going? Why are you frustrated he is leaving home? What?

LynetteScavo · 17/08/2019 14:36

We need more information.

Is he leaving to go to uni?

What type if course was he doing? What will he be doing?
What would you like him to do?

Stopyourhavering64 · 17/08/2019 14:59

You are talking in riddles OP....what course is your ds studying?...looks like he needs to find a new direction and one which suits his learning style

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 17:56

The course is good, but he has a very demanding part time job. He has picked a very demanding subject to study.
I am freaking out because he may continue with his present way of working, or doing anything other than working, then if in the future when he has time to get a degree or needs one his student loan will be depleted that much he won’t be able to do a degree because of lack of finance.

OP posts:
HangryPants · 17/08/2019 18:00

Are you deliberately not responding to replies @Summerlovesensation ?

peachgreen · 17/08/2019 18:02

Personally if my son was showing that kind of tenacity at such a young age I'd be delighted. He's got a demanding part time job, he's proactively choosing to study (despite what sounds like a not entirely supportive home environment) - what's not to be proud of?

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 17/08/2019 18:11

Degrees aren't everything !!

gamerwidow · 17/08/2019 18:16

You have to let adult children make their own mistakes and live with the consequences. If he asks for help then help otherwise youve got to let him get on with it. It’s hard when you can see what they are doing isn’t working but they need to be able to get things wrong and work things out their own way.