When to dive in and rescue them.

[Summerlovesensation]

I feel very frustrated my son is leaving home. I would be very happy for him, but for one thing he has enrolled on another academic course. I’d like him to do well, I’d like him to come home and report just one success, but there hasn’t been a single success since August 2016. I have enjoyed having him around, but it is very disheartening being his mum.

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here. If your son is repeatedly failing the same course because he just isn't cut out for it and refuses to accept that, then I can appreciate that must be difficult to watch as a parent. I have a friend whose DS is adamant he's going to be a Doctor but can't get the grades despite a lot of academic support and won't even discuss other options. She's very worried about him. You're obviously worried about your sons future and that's understandable. But what can you do? If you say something, you risk him thinking you unsupportive and it may make him even more determined to carry on with the course. Alternatively, you say nothing and hope he realises for himself that this path isn't for him, but some people never do. It's a tough one.

I agree. He has a choice.

Get no degree and have a large debt. I keep thinking that as well

DBro took 3 or 4 gos to get a C in GCSE maths.
He took 4 gos to get his (C? Van? the one you need to drive an ambulance) drivers license.
He's now a very happy paramedic.

Persaverence was more important than natural talent in his case, I hope things work out similarly well for your DS.

I keep calling family meetings. We have a talking stick and a timer set for two minutes per interested family member. Thank you this is very similar.

Maybe you should just have an open, frank chat with him - no gimmicks like talking sticks, no two minute limits (talk about pressure!) - just raising your concerns in a gentle and non judgemental way and hearing more about his plans

Do you speak like you write?

I am going to jump in. Have you any ideas. I keep calling family meetings and using a timer and a talking sick. All ideas how to rescue him are gladly accepted

Unfortunately; yes!

No talking stick - no family meeting - no time limits

Just talking to him like an adult

So he's using his student loan to find a course...is he doing an HND or foundation degree or something, because I can't see how else his degree funding will be depleted.

What subject is he studying?

So why does he need a degree?

Summerlovesensation ‘why does he need a degree’ - who are you replying to here?

We can't suggest how to "rescue" your DS unless we know some facts such as course etc.....you're being very vague, when MNetters can often provide lots of good advise if they understand the situation.

Does he need a degree? Is he planning on medicine, but keeps failing Alevels for example?

Your writing style is very odd. You really need to give much more detail. It's very difficult to engage with what you have written.

I keep calling family meetings and using a timer and a talking sick.
What the hell?
If he’s leaving home he has rescued himself

What in god's name is a talking stick?

OP, stay out of his life. He'll work it out on his own. And don't DARE ever tell him he's a disappointment to you. I remember so vividly the night my mother said to me 'At last! You've done something I can be proud of!'. I was 19 year old, what I had done that evening wasn't actually worthy of pride at all, she was just showing how little she understood it, and she said it in front of my entire college department. It's been 20 years and I can still remember every moment of it.

He can’t get past A levels.

But if he is still doing A levels his degree funding from Student Finance won't be affected at all surely?

Again, where is he going? What does his leaving home have to do with any of this?

Also, opening locks with carrots, talking sticks and two minute timers...what does this have to do with anything or what does it even mean? Have you just served monogrammed pie and veg salad for dinner? Your writing style and answer avoidance is very like the OP of that thread

OP, you really need to lay this out better.

Start in 2016 and tell the story from there as simply as you can. He had his alleged "last success" and then what happened? You aren't making a lick of sense.

I am really confused.

If it’s the A Levels he can’t get past why don’t you encourage him to do an access course or advanced btec. Both adequate uni entrance requirements and possibly a change of course content may be good for him?

A talking stick is a stick or object that you pass around so the everyone gets a chance to say what they think. It is good for improving communication when everyone is shouting and no one is listening. I am trying to encourage calm and be a better listener, and obviously keep all lines of communication open.

He isn’t a disappointment to me. He just isn’t having success with his academic work. I think he is going to do something that may damage his future choices, but I can’t say he isn’t cut out for it in case he is.

Chemistry