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Original poster

When to dive in and rescue them.

109 replies

Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 09:54

I feel very frustrated my son is leaving home. I would be very happy for him, but for one thing he has enrolled on another academic course. I’d like him to do well, I’d like him to come home and report just one success, but there hasn’t been a single success since August 2016. I have enjoyed having him around, but it is very disheartening being his mum.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 17/08/2019 20:27

The problem here is you’re not able to communicate at all. You can’t seem to understand conversation is two-way: your posting shows that.

You don’t give full information, you don’t answer questions, you just carry on rambling hysterically.

If you’re like this IRL it’s no wonder your son isn’t listening - he probably doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about.

FatThor · 17/08/2019 20:27

@TheInvestigator I think we are fighting a losing battle here Grin

HangryPants · 17/08/2019 20:28

@Summerlovesensation is English your first language?

FatThor · 17/08/2019 20:30

So he HASN'T started a foundation degree before then?! This is bonkers! Did he leave school in 2016 (his last success according to you)? Has he since been doing A levels but has failed them hence now going on to a foundation?

TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 20:32

@Summerlovesensation

If he gets the foundation degree then all he need to do is one more year of study. It's called a top-up year and it will award him an honours degree. That took me 5 minutes of googling to find out.
His finance will cover that.

Can you please go back and look at the specific questions I asked you and then answer them. One line for each answer. Then we can help you.

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 20:36

Wow! Thanks! I didn’t know that

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 20:39

I would feel better about him leaving if I thought he was improving his situation.
My family life is sometimes confusing.

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 20:39

I give up.

That advice might not even matter because he might not be doing a foundation degree. You don't seem to know what he is actually doing or when he started doing it so we can't help calm you down.

EllebellyBeeblebrox · 17/08/2019 20:39

Struggling to get my head round the talking stick to be honest, but even more so the impression that you're disappointed in him as he hasn't had any successes since 2016. Academia isn't for everyone and if I was him I'd be so sad to think my parent felt that I was in any way a disappointment, which is how it is coming across.

TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 20:40

OP, you havnt explained why he is leaving, where he is going, where he is going to live or who he is going to live with or how he can afford it etc. So no one is going to help talk you round with that because we don't know anything about it.

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 17/08/2019 20:44

Dive in and rescue? At the age of ~19? ...er... Nope! He's an adult, let him take responsibility. Or do you plan to micromanage his decisions forever? Butt out fgs!

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 20:48

Thank you. I didn’t know how the Foundation Degree worked. He can do a two year top up degree once he has the foundation degree.
The problem is solved. He can work, enjoy himself do his hobbies watch YouTube videos and get a Chemistry degree all at the same time without passing his A levels.

Wait while he gets in he will be over the moon!

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 20:50

Why weren't your first questions to him "what is a foundation degree and how does it work?" And "What happens once you get It?"

My guess is he didn't bother to speak with you because you don't listen, and you don't actually have a conversation. You talk AT him, even when you have no clue.

rainandshine52 · 17/08/2019 20:51

He sounds more academic than you op. Be proud woman!

TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 20:52

He will need to study. And he will need to study hard.

How does it go when you have a conversation about that? Does he have a plan for managing the study time? If he need to give up his job, can he afford to live away from home?

You will need to try and talk about that, but please do a better job than you've done here.

HangryPants · 17/08/2019 20:54

The problem is solved. He can work, enjoy himself do his hobbies watch YouTube videos and get a Chemistry degree all at the same time without passing his A levels.

Sarcasm? Really?

Grimbles · 17/08/2019 20:54

Nope... I've still no idea what's going on on Confused

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 20:54

Wow, man now I know what’s going on I am!

OP posts:
Grimbles · 17/08/2019 20:55

You're the only one op...

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 20:57

That isn’t sarcasm you helped me. I was worried about him you helped me. I didn’t know how it worked and I wouldn’t have without the info you gave me.

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 17/08/2019 21:14

OP, can you please answer some simple questions in order:

  • what is your son studying i.e. A levels, foundation degree, something else?
  • how long has he been studying this? Has he passed any exams, if so, which ones?
  • how much longer is left on this course?
  • when did he do A levels?
  • what is he working at and how many hours does he work?
Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 22:04

He has known all along what he was going to do. Meanwhile I have been ripping my hair out worrying about it. He said: you invent problems that don’t exist then you get pleased with yourself when you work out how to solve them.

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 17/08/2019 22:07

His assessment of you seems to fit with the way you posted on here.
Did You ask him (and actually listen) how the course worked and what happened after?

It sounds like you really need to leave him alone. He knows what he's about. You don't and you don't seem like one for listening or even researching.

Original poster
Summerlovesensation · 17/08/2019 22:20

No there wasn’t time it was all done last minute.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 17/08/2019 22:39

Are you drunk, OP?!

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